“Only fifty minutes?” other people asked. I shrugged.
Therapy sessions are 50 minutes. They’ve been like that for a long time. It’s just because. There’s no need to question it.
I think people underestimate how much can be discussed in a fifty-minute time span. I’ve noticed that when I don’t have much to talk about it goes long, and when I do have a lot to talk about it’s really short and over before I know it. And sometimes it’s the opposite.
Sometimes a lot of things are discussed, and other times we may sit in silence for about a minute.
It’s all free will in therapy sessions. And it’s not necessarily difficult to open up; usually I want to run from those I’ve opened up to because I dislike it when people know too much about me. I hate labels and being labeled, because it makes me feel like I’m confined to just that, and even if that’s not the case I still hate it.
So I often run away, and I hate going back to live in the same place for the second or third time. I admit it.
If I had the money and was able to be independent and self-reliant, I would have ran away by now. I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not stable and able to be independent specifically for that reason, but it’s still a pain because I’m judged for being “lazy” and not even trying to be independent. Little do they know, they’re actually pushing me away because of their idea of what’s best for me, which is a mere excuse to shape me into the mold they want me to be.
Maybe I want to move many states away so I can run, too. What if it’s true? Even if it is, it won’t change anything. The south is so draining. Staying in it for the rest of my life is the least I want to do.
I guess therapy seems so easy because my therapist is great and therapy is like a spoken blog post or a post that only goes to one person. And it feels helpful because it’s a professional who knows what they’re doing. And it makes me feel less crazy, like I’m not making it all up as I go like some people make me feel.
And she’s paid to stay. She can’t leave or run away in a flash and never look back.