I feel like I’m alone.
Have you ever gotten that feeling?
I’m not talking about the one that lasts for only a day; I’m talking about the one that lasts longer. It isn’t depression; it’s just that I am lonely. I don’t have friends here. Many of the people that I meet are either older (21+) and don’t want to hang out with me or younger (17-) and want me to drive them around places they can’t go or to buy them things they can’t buy legally because I can, and because I am older.
I am not saying that I want a boyfriend, but I want a boy friend. I don’t really get along with girls, and I like the feeling I get with guys. Believe it or not, guys can help you with your problems, too. Sure, you can’t talk to them about girl problems, but you can about practically everything else.
I guess I kind of want a boyfriend. Or is it that I just want a boyfriend so that I can spend a lot of time with him? Like a best friend that is a boy. That’s what I want. But I cannot go up to a guy and say, “Hey, be my best friend?” That would be weird. Yeah, I would probably do something like that, but in general, because I’m so desperate to have a best friend nearby, I just can’t take that risk.
I want that best friend that I can start a “note journal” with. You know, when you write notes to each other and pass it back and forth? But he can’t think that it is lame. Sure, it’s a bit cheesey for people my age, but I find it cute and fun, and it’s something that can be shared… It’s a best friend thing I became attached to in middle school, and I can’t seem to let go of that fun-feeling it gives me. I’m one of those people that like to keep a record of things; I like keeping memories. I date things when I can and remember to. I keep a memoir box – actually, I have a few. 🙂
But how am I supposed to even find a guy? I’m tempted to start saving up a year’s worth of money so that I can sign up with one of those dating sites just so that I can find a guy best friend. Or even a mate. But I doubt I’ll be lucky enough to find a guy who takes me as I am and that I can truly be myself around.
🙁 Point is, I am lonely and I need a best friend that lives nearby. One that I can call up and ask to hang out with at random.
But I doubt any guys that happen to read this will fit into the category and actually live nearby.