Alone again

I feel like I’m alone.

Have you ever gotten that feeling?

I’m not talking about the one that lasts for only a day; I’m talking about the one that lasts longer. It isn’t depression; it’s just that I am lonely. I don’t have friends here. Many of the people that I meet are either older (21+) and don’t want to hang out with me or younger (17-) and want me to drive them around places they can’t go or to buy them things they can’t buy legally because I can, and because I am older.

I am not saying that I want a boyfriend, but I want a boy friend. I don’t really get along with girls, and I like the feeling I get with guys. Believe it or not, guys can help you with your problems, too. Sure, you can’t talk to them about girl problems, but you can about practically everything else.

I guess I kind of want a boyfriend. Or is it that I just want a boyfriend so that I can spend a lot of time with him? Like a best friend that is a boy. That’s what I want. But I cannot go up to a guy and say, “Hey, be my best friend?” That would be weird. Yeah, I would probably do something like that, but in general, because I’m so desperate to have a best friend nearby, I just can’t take that risk.

I want that best friend that I can start a “note journal” with. You know, when you write notes to each other and pass it back and forth? But he can’t think that it is lame. Sure, it’s a bit cheesey for people my age, but I find it cute and fun, and it’s something that can be shared… It’s a best friend thing I became attached to in middle school, and I can’t seem to let go of that fun-feeling it gives me. I’m one of those people that like to keep a record of things; I like keeping memories. I date things when I can and remember to. I keep a memoir box – actually, I have a few. 🙂

But how am I supposed to even find a guy? I’m tempted to start saving up a year’s worth of money so that I can sign up with one of those dating sites just so that I can find a guy best friend. Or even a mate. But I doubt I’ll be lucky enough to find a guy who takes me as I am and that I can truly be myself around.

🙁 Point is, I am lonely and I need a best friend that lives nearby. One that I can call up and ask to hang out with at random.

But I doubt any guys that happen to read this will fit into the category and actually live nearby.

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Comments on this post

Caity’s gravatar

I’m sorry you are feeling so lonely. I’ve see dating sites work well but sometimes it’s better to just get out and meet people too. Through work, clubs that you join, or even just going out to bars and such. I hope that you find a friend soon. I know how it is to feel lonely like that and it’s such an unpleasant feeling. hugs

Kayt’s gravatar

its like an apartment, a bathroom a kitchen and 2 seperate rooms. but still, she has no consideration whatsoever. wednesday night / thurs morning she came back at 330 am, so i told the RA and the office because im sick of it! I’ve deal with it for a mont, every day. usually is 1-2am but 330 was really pushing it.

I know how you feel. guys are a lot easier to ge along with, but you dont want to be too forward and scare them away. notes are always fun, ive done them with my boyfriend. even though hes my boyfriend, i wouldnt consider him my best friend that i get along with great because we just dont.. i wish we did have that title, but i dont think its ever possible.
just stay positive. someone will come eventually. maybe someone u do like, likes you too but its scared to admit it or come forward to you. thats the case with a lot of people, believe me.
I’m the same way in college.. im 20, so theres a lot of younger people, and a lot of older people. no one really my age to relate to and be friends with, so its kind of awkard..
i hope things get better, and like i said kee your head up and stay positive.

Lotte’s gravatar

Don’t be lonely! Even if you don’t have RL friends that you can call whenever you need help, you still have your online friends! You should try making a note journal with your best online friend! 😀 Like a e-journal! Person probably won’t be nearby, but you’ll still have that notebook feeling, and you’ll have a good friend who will be there when you need them :). I’ve found that when I got lonely because I didn’t really have any friends, online people kept me happy. I actually managed to get a lot of help from them 😉

Amy’s gravatar

Oh I know how you feel. Guys are so much easier to be around.

One of my closest friends is a guy. I’ve known him since 4th grade! I know a lot of guy/girl friendships result in one, the other, or both falling for each other, but it’s not possible in our friendship(he’s gay).

Just be yourself, and go about doing what you normally do. You’ll find someone. Become friends, and all will be right in the world! ^_^ Don’t worry!

Love,
Amy

Nicole’s gravatar

i think we all feel like that on some days. it’s normal. i usually feel like that when i am stressed and anxious, and there is no one who can relate to me.

for example, many of my friends are not marketing majors so they do not know the stress of how much i stay up at night and research, do my job, etc. so i cannot really talk to them about it.

also, out of my group of friends, i am the only with a REAL job (that is not retailing, waitressing, etc.). so they do not know that i work MORE hours than them and i do work early in the morning to late at night focusing on only ONE client.

it’s hard i know.
but in the end it will work out.
you will find someone – whether it is a friend or a boyfriend – who will understand why feel the way you feel.

oh and dating sites? missy, do not even try it! LOL i do not want you to subject yourself to that point when you are so young right now! this is NOT the end! you are in college right? later in the year, you will eventually find the RIGHT friends because of the diverse group of people surrounding you!

& i agree, you do have your online friends with youuuu and here for you 🙂

nancy’s gravatar

:O! Youre 19 years old :) You dont NEED to be in a relationship :D! All you want, is.. A guy bestie. I know that I get along with guys.. MUCH BETTER. Girls are WAAAYY harder to get along with in reality. Like seriously. I was close to a girl. And then she snapped at me. Now she wants to bury me alive. Karma will take place later. 🙂 Fur sure. Its easier to find friends at school 😀 I used to have that notebook thing… It worked out to 3 composition notebooks til… I had no more money to buy one :/. And my friend started hanging out with her boyfrien more. If theres no one in person, there`s always people here :D!

allyssa’s gravatar

oh hi, thanks. :3 i like your site; it’s really simple and clean. (:

Liz’s gravatar

Thank you. 🙂

Georgina’s gravatar

I know the feeling of being alone, though I don’t really feel like that very much anymore. Right now I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have many friends. It’s just a fact of life, and I take it that way. I love my friends and having such few friends makes me really treasure them.

Most of my friends are guys – I know what you mean when you say you don’t get along with girls very well… I had many girlfriends in high school but their immaturity was intolerable, and sometimes they just wanted to party. I don’t need to party to enjoy life… but they didn’t understand that.

I feel the same way with my cousins because they are either so much younger or so much older than me.

I am sure you will find a close friend eventually. Friends don’t just appear. 🙂 It takes time, sometimes friends come when you least expect. I have a friend who I didn’t expect to be friends with at all at first. ^_^ I suppose it doesn’t help that you live somewhere quiet, but chin up!

I don’t like sleeping in until noon! I just love my mornings too much. If I wake up at noon I get angsty and complain about how I woke up after half the day already passed. :O

I loved passing notes to friends, but it’s kind of old now. If I have something special to say to a friend, I write them a letter. They come rarely. :3

Tiffany’s gravatar

We can be friends haha Even though you want one close, we can talk 🙂 And I (kinda) know what you feel like. I have been in mini depressions before. Last (major one) was right by the holidays last year. It sucked I felt like everyone didn’t like me and I didn’t know what to do. mhm I think people should have friends of both genders. Girls are good for stuff cause they “understand”, you know like if you have problems. guys are good for a carefree time. If you are looking for friends I suggest you to just be open about it. You know. Not look for a “soul mate” or the “one special best friend” I learned that best friends come whenever, you can’t search. I just made a best friend in 2 months. we tell each other everything. he even knows about my site (i know him offline).

And yea heartbreak sucks, although i am not heartbroken over him haha. Like i am pretty much over him right now

Shriya’s gravatar

I think a best friend is really really important. Even just a friend. They are the sunshine of your life. There is a phase when everyone feels like they are lonely. Lonely is nothing to do with alone. You can be lonely in a room full of people.
Being lonely isn’t good. You’re right, you just can’t go up to a person and ask them to be your best friend. Those days, unfortunately, are gone. 😛
Also, friendship takes time to develop. I have heard of people who instantly connect, but it has never happened with me. My BFF is awesome. But we have been best friends for seven years. And when we first met in fourth grade, we hated each other.
Maybe you could try approaching some people you like. Hang around them a little and let them know you. Friendship also involves letting your guard down. And opening yourself to criticism. I totally agree with you. I have noticed that our gender, particularly, leans more towards bitching and fights. More importantly, jealousy. It drives me crazy. I, too, get along more with guys.
I hope you find a wonderful friend soon. 🙂 Hugs

I guess everyone has their own views about different things. I haven’t really studied psychology so I am not going to argue. 🙂

Isi’s gravatar

I get that feeling you’re talking about. I really hate it, sometimes you just need someone to hug or sit next to you and watch a movie with you. I think the note journal thing is a really cute
idea. Most guys that aren’t all about “manlyness” will totally do it. 😀

Try meeting someone out of the random. Make sure he’s not some dangerous freak show first.