Another Mother’s Day almost down

As many of you know, I don’t have a mother.

I had a person who birthed me, but she was never a real mother.

I had my birth mother raise me, but she wasn’t motherly.

There were times where she was motherly, but when I look back and wonder about it, I don’t honestly know if it was genuine or if she was secretly wanting something out of it.

I don’t have a mother like everyone else, and that is one of the things that pains me greatly.

I have a stepmother, Kim, but I don’t feel like she and I will ever have that mother-daughter relationship I’ve always wanted — the one she has with her blood daughter — and I envy that about her two children, my two youngest siblings, because they have this great love so many people in the world celebrate every year, and I will never feel that — I’ll never fully understand what it feels like, how it’s supposed to be — and that’s heartbreaking.

And my mother doesn’t understand that.

And the companies who advertise Mother’s Day need to find new tactics, because it makes me wonder about the others who don’t have mothers — the children of gay couples, the children whose mothers died, the children whose mothers are estranged, the list goes on — who are receiving these emails time after time, again and again, all the more annoyed about getting them.

All that positivity about how ‘mothers will always be mothers’ and ‘share your mother story to win’ and blah, blah, BLAH.

There has to be more people in my situation dealing with similar feelings — at least one person who understands the pain.

Fathers never seem to receive the same compliments mothers do; I’ve never heard ‘he’ll always be your father’.

WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DO MOTHERS DO THAT MAKES THEM SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL THAN FATHERS?

Is it because they give birth? Because they go into labor? Humans wouldn’t be able to reproduce without the men, no matter who they are.

That ‘a mother’s love is the greatest love of all’ is crap.

The double standard for mothers and fathers is pure crap.

People expect fathers to disappear — they can replace fathers left and right. What makes a mother so irreplaceable? If it’s because she births the child, try telling that to the adoptive mother who can’t physically have kids. Her love is just as great and wonderful and pure for her child as this love everyone talks about.

For those who don’t have mothers, it’s not the same. We get lectured on how our mother will always be our mother. Oh, you’re father left? That’s okay, your mother will find you a new one.

Mothers need to stop being treated like saints, because they’re not all saints.

…thanks for reading my yearly mother rant. Last year, I wrote a letter to her.

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Comments on this post

Jessica’s gravatar

My mom’s my best friend, but I definitely understand what you mean. There are some women who have children and they don’t deserve them…and yet, we are expected to feel sorry for them because they didn’t fully understand what it meant to have children. UGH! I hope that you have a pleasant weekend.

Stephanie’s gravatar

Thank you very much for pointing out that double standard! It’s a shame that the woman almost always gets custody even when the dad would make a better parent. Ideally, both moms and dads would be around and supportive all the time, like with your dad and stepmother and my parents. (I am a lucky child with a functional family that every child deserves.) Hopefully the double standard will disappear, and the father will also be glorified with the mother.

I also wonder if Jesus’s mother Mary, or at least how she (and Joseph) are represented in the Bible, had anything to do with the glorification of mothers over fathers… but that’s a discussion for another time.

As for being left out on this occasion, it’s something that you’re just going to have to deal with. (I feel this way every Easter because I’m a non-Christian surrounded by Christians, and I guess the same goes for single people on Valentine’s Day.) Just do something nice for your dad when Father’s Day comes along!

Jea’s gravatar

Although I love my mom dearly, I understand you and what you feel. I think they seem to be more focused on mothers because mothers are women. I don’t know. All these “women empowerment” crap. It’s ironic since the world wants gender equality. LOL

We’re in opposite lanes actually. I have a mom, but I don’t have a dad. They always say “Nothing beats the love of a mother to her child” but don’t fathers love their children too?

Sage’s gravatar

My father is my everything, my mother not so much. My mother was in a mental institution most of my childhood days so my father was also my mother. I don’t speak of my parents very much. My father is a very private man so I respect that … I will talk of him if I want people to understand a point I am putting across like now …

I do understand Mum was unwell, but I also understand that I cannot love her like other people love their mothers. And for some reason I am not upset by that. Because I do not know any different. But I do feel for people such as yourself who want that kind of connection … It’s why I chose not to have children. I don’t believe I would make a very good parent as I to have a mental illness and I do not want to inflict on my child what my mother did on me.

Liv’s gravatar

Technically, I grew up the first few years of my life without parents because my mom wasn’t around and my dad isn’t exactly parenting material. When I was seven I was reunited with my mom and my life has significantly changed since. I’m definitely not someone to comment on the importance of fathers, but I always see great father-daughter relationships in media. I think the parent who creates the bond with his/her child will be the more important parent.

But I do agree with the marketing tactic change. Have companies ever, ever considered that some people do not have mothers? I studied advertising in college and most of my classmates didn’t really care about other people’s feelings, so we might have our answer there.