Bittersweet Melodies

My life feels insanely horrible right now. I’m not one of those people who simply love all of this “Christmas cheer” crap. Honestly, it annoys me – the music, the stress, the worrying about gifts – everything annoys me. I like to believe it is the thought that counts. I don’t need expensive jewelry or everything I want. I understand the fun in shopping for presents and whatnot, but I wish I could somehow have at least one Christmas in my life spent via just enjoying being together as a family. The food is great, too. As a child, I always felt like I was being fought over – and it’s the worst feeling. It was as if it was a crime to want to go to my dad’s for Christmas – and if he wanted me, my mom would want me ten times more for Christmas. I felt like a mere prize – and like my feelings didn’t matter. They still don’t, but that isn’t the point.

Growing up, my Christmases sucked. What’s so wrong about wanting to sleep in until eight in the morning, then wake up and make some hot chocolate, then watch the parades? If anything is wrong with it, I don’t care. I’m having my last “hurrah” this year by doing what I’ve literally ALWAYS wanted to do for Christmas. Think of it as a Christmas gift I am receiving from God if you wish. I’m doing it, and no one can stop me. I’m sure Mimi and Tommy will let me. Heck, they’ll probably even watch it with me.

It’s always the same routine, the same mess, the same kind of family drama (as well as other drama), the same complaining over gifts – the true meaning and thought and idea of Christmas is lost in the minds of those who celebrate it because they’ve spent too much time present shopping and not enough time planning to just get together for a few hours on one day and just spend time together. Is that really so hard to do?

Lately my days have been horrible.

Saturday a customer hit my arm as I was walking by and rudely said, “HEY!” (in a “hey, I’m talking to you” kind of way) when I was on break. I’m not supposed to help people whilst I’m on break. Anyway, the lady and her husband wanted to buy pictures. I couldn’t understand what they wanted, so I directed them to the ridiculous photography center at the back of the store by electronics.

I’m not a touch-y person. Unless I invited you to do so, DON’T TOUCH ME. Honestly, it took every inch of me to not just keep on walking like I didn’t even notice her. Besides, there was no need for her to act like I was the one being rude considering the fact that SHE WAS THE ONE WHO HIT MY ARM. And now it feels bruised. I dislike being touched like that strongly. I find it to be one of the worst ways a person can disrespect another, and just because she was trying to get my attention didn’t mean she had to hit me. I bruise easily, no lie. It already hurts to move it, and it hurts to touch it, too. Ugh. It just made me have a horrible day the rest of the day.

Anyway, my hours are insanely crazy.

I don’t know if I will have Internet installed sometime during the first week of January or simply sometime during January. I can afford it, though. ^^ It would be so much more convenient to have Internet at home – especially since I have been needing it a lot more lately, having my online banking thingy and all. It would be more convenient for me to be able to just open my laptop and sign on (the welcome screen; my lappy is password protected) and wahlah – Internet right at home!

And after I get Internet at home, I will be saving up for my Insurance to be paid for at least six months in advance again (it expires May 2012, so I’ve until then). If I can save up enough for one year, that would be even more awesome simply due to the fact that it will be one less thing I have to worry about for another year.

I bought myself new blue jeans last night. I don’t mean to gloat or anything, but I’m pretty proud of them – I spent $21.88 on them. I needed them a lot, and I’ve been waiting a very long time to have a brand new pair of jeans I actually like. I’m certainly happy I purchased them last night. 🙂

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Sara’s gravatar

One of the hardest things I did was work over a Christmas break. I was in college and miserable about having to work. The customers were so rude. One made me cry. I remember the next customer stepped up while I still had tears in my eyes. He smiled at me and said, “Hey, you’re doing a good job.” It sounds kind of stupid right now, but it really made me feel so much better. Sometimes it just takes one person to make a difference in how you feel.

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Go easy on yourself and enjoy those new jeans:~)