Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in this vast sea of bloggers who wants to go back in time and remove her blog from its existence, because blogging is really nerve-wracking. 😣 Like, well…I’ll just list what I struggle with as a blogger.
Blog fright 😱
The number increased, higher and higher, each time my fingers navigated Chrome to Google Analytics. Three thousand page views across about 1500 unique visitors—vomit rose in my throat. I lunged for the toilet. ‘Twas my first viral post. “Viral”? Yeah, sounds about right. 🤢
I used to write numerous controversial posts. Growing up on Degrassi did that to me. As a latchkey kid, I let the show raise me up, up, up to believe my story mattered. Many characters on Degrassi pursued the “basic” careers, but there was high emphasis on STEAM careers—the arts and the sciences were most frequent fields featured. The show pulled me, tugging at my heartstrings. From it, I learned the importance of standing up for what I believe in and sticking to it. I didn’t always succeed when confronting my guardians, but I learned my innate constant—the written word—to be my most powerful, influential tool, and so I honed in on using it.
So I discussed politics and religion and my shitty upbringing and entrance to adulthood as a new adult.
And my blog skyrocketed.
Because freedom of speech for me meant the same for others—the right for them to tell me what they think. It doesn’t mean “Okay, time for me to give people death threats”, but that doesn’t stop anyone online. I’d also pissed off a blogger for shit I don’t personally remember—that I imagine is trivial as fuck, anyway, and believe to be at least borderline bullying—a year or two prior, and…some people who had commented on her post about me had found my new blog and, well, hate-followed me (and sometimes hate-commented me). 🙄
Beyond that, though, when I performed on stage because dance, I specifically requested the middle or the back. No one pays much attention to the people in the middle or the back! BUT OF COURSE ROUTINES MOVE DANCERS TO THE FRONT, SO obviously my plan to be invisible backfired. 🤦♀️ And teachers liked torturing students by making us give presentations at the front of the class, so I never got to be a Mia Thermopolis. 😞
Talking about products I love and use 😍
I love-hate my Android phone, by which I mean I only love it because it’s the only phone I can afford and fear that hating it will make it break like the last one did. 😬
I’m really cheap, so I buy from Taco Bueno’s value menu (tastes better, anyway) and get a lot of stuff from the Dollar Tree. 😅
Receipt Hog is an app that pays me coins (re: halfpennies) for snapping receipts as part of its consumer research program. I’ve used money made from it to pay my hosting bill, so I consider it a life-saving app. 🙄
As far as brand loyalty goes, it varies: I rotate products/brands for some things, while I do whatever is cheaper for others.
I drink mostly water, ginger ale (re: Canada Dry), and Pepsi. I am one of those people who actually likes cranberry juice sometimes. Beyond that, I don’t know. I’ve been thinking lately I might get into herbal tea, but…not, like, the packaged instant tea. It kind of grosses me out.
Ricola is the only throat drop I use. Other throat drops have soy. Also, these just taste better. 😋
Beyond this are a few things I’ve yet to mention (e.g. some supplements and reusable menstrual products) that I use, but mostly…I feel awkward talking about things I love and use. Mentally, I battle between “HAVE YOU EVER TRIED ____?! BECAUSE IT’S MY NEW FAVORITE THING AND AND AND I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT” and “Ah, I use this product now, and-but even though it’s not well-known, I’m sure people already know about it, and if not, well…this is probably just stupid anyway”. 😳
I don’t know how to not seem salesy. I’m a spazz. There’s not really a boundary for me. 😐
But then I start to feel like I have nothing to blog about, because I feel like I’m hiding myself, because some of these things are a bit part of who I am! 🤔 Reusable menstrual products (RUMPs for short), for example, are probably still a taboo topic among much of the world, but I have converted multiple people to them already, had a review go viral on Facebook (🤢), and inspired the massacre of a beloved bamboo velour pad (may it RIP). 😭
#TheStruggleIsReal, Houston, and it’s a problem.
Pressure to have high stats 📈
When I post something to Instagram, I don’t do it for the engagement. I do it because I’ve captured a moment and want to share with someone who wants to step into my life for awhile.
So I often feel like I’m missing out because I don’t have 53478 likes or followers, but I like the smaller numbers because I enjoy slow growth and getting to form relationships with the people who read my blog. I like cultivating that camaraderie. It’s got a homey feel to it.
So that’s me! I also feel apprehensive about sharing photos about myself, ’cause I’ve got insecurities. And also because I struggle with identity (#DID), so who I look like in photos does not always match the personas on the inside, and that alone is a struggle (not to mention how photos make me look different anyway).
I almost have stopped blogging, repeatedly, but you guys stay in my head and keep me coming back during those moments.