Bucket lists

I’m the type of person who would attend college or university and obtain a degree in secret. It hasn’t happened yet, but it could. I would withstand all the judgment just for the knowledge of the extent to other’s ignorance and/or rudeness was like. Maybe it’s unfair that I would do that, but my degree is no one’s business but my own.

I could have a job someplace, but never tell family or friends for a long time.

I could be in a relationship and not tell anyone; it would be more successful than relationships I have had where I told other people about them.

I’m not secretive, per se, but I favor my privacy. Why do so many people have the impression they have a right to know something about someone?

I feel like everyone in life has their own life plan all sorted out, and they’re so together and focused they’re making it happen. There are people with bucket lists, and that must be the hottest question a potential romantic partner can ask a person, because all my exes wanted to know mine. 101 in 1001 was a hot topic for about half a decade, and whilst I’ve made my own a few times, I don’t understand how someone can really think of 101 things they want to do.

How do you do that? How do you sort your life out via a list and accomplish them within a certain time frame?

Every time I’ve tried, I’ve been faced with some farm animal sneaking out of the pasture, PTSD ruining my sense of time and mind, my mother drowning me in how horrible a daughter I am, or some other crap. Life changes. My life has always been unpredictable and dynamic, and this “life plan” so many talk about and expect me to have just doesn’t work for me.

Why should it be what determines how valuable or worthy I am as a person? I like to believe I’m doing amazing things with my life right now and have thus far. I am so sick of having to drop a little line of something I’m doing in my time to make someone think, “Oh, wow! That is cool! You’re amazing!” I should be amazing without stacking a job, hobby, diagnosis or degree atop my name.

Maybe it’s a social experiment. My choice to keep certain aspects of my life that is not another person’s business has definitely affected my social life. Perhaps it’ll be an interesting story to share in the end?

Maybe.

Mostly, though, telling others my goals and plans and all that crap does nothing for me.

P.S. If you see a post from me four-ish years from now about how I majored in creative writing, don’t be surprised. If not, don’t be disappointed further, either…provided you’re already disappointed now. Join the club. My dad’s side of the fam doesn’t really consider college a priority, honestly, and I have “plans”, but they’re flexible, because I’ve adapted to the spontaneity that is my life.

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cantaloupe’s gravatar

I have never completed any of the my bucket lists completely. I was just looking at the list I made for before 30, and I was thinking “Good Lord, there is no way in hell I’ll finish this in the next two years…” But I think that it is helpful to have some idea of what one wants to accomplish. My list is actually different from what it was back when I created it. And I should update it to reflect that probably. Because even if I never get through it all, that’s not entirely the point of it. It’s about dreams and hopes and possibilities….