I don’t really call people, and I really don’t talk on the phone.
It’s nothing personal to the parties involved, but it is a personal preference for myself.
Calling one person means I have to then be faced with others finding out; when others find out, they want to talk on the phone.
Talking on the phone is headache-giving and really confusing for me; I never know when or what to say, when it’s my turn to speak, or how to end the call. Because of this, I’ve found myself speaking on the phone for five hours at a time.
Because I didn’t know how to end it, and because I didn’t know when it was my turn to speak, I stayed on the phone for five hours with someone.
Five hours of agonizing conversation/small talk.
Small talk = hell — pointless, redundant hell that I feel like I can never escape.
My ears also hurt after, and I just … I don’t care to have small talk. My logic is that if you weren’t doing okay, I would hear about it from someone.
I take after my dad on this one; he doesn’t do phone calls, either, unless to ask a question.
Perhaps it’s because, like text messaging, talking on the phone cannot adequately compare to talking in person.
While I still don’t understand all the gestures and body language crap, it’s still easier for me to talk in person than to talk on the phone. And, really, if I had a choice, verbally communicating with someone through text (i.e. not just text messaging, but via actual written/typed words) is easier for me in general, because I can actually digest what it being said.
Maybe this is an aspie thing, I don’t know.
Anyway, this is an overdue explanation of what it’s like for me to talk on the phone. It’s an irritant when people expect me to just be able to do it “anyway”. It’s one of those things that seems so minor to others but is actually a big deal to those it affects, like driving.
I suppose, in my case, that I rely on technology to communicate, because it is what works the best for me.
A definite Aspie thing: I’m slow — I’m “smart”, depending on how one defines it, but I’m slow. I don’t pick up cues, I don’t deliberately give off anything… honestly, everything you learn about communication and communicating with other people in your speech classes, or whatever classes you had to take, don’t work on me, thus they shouldn’t be used with me. I communicate differently, and while I understand why relying on non-in-person conversation is probably not a healthy thing, I know it works best for me, because it allows me the time to process something without being seen as too slow, without stuttering, and without getting so frustrated and overwhelmed my tics start acting up. (Because I have Tourette’s.)1
- I should probably do a post reply/thing to this to give people an update on what all has happened since that interview. ↩