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Fairy tales are lies

I used to watch this PBS Kids series (apparently it’s actually Disney, but I thought it was PBS Kids. Hm… I thought I always watched it before Zoom1) titled Out of the Box. It was one of my favorite TV shows when I was a child – mostly because it was all about imagination. But it’s not the childish imagination part that I miss about it most. What I miss most about the series is that it made me feel like being different is what makes you yourself – that people will accept you for yourself, even if you’re a bit weird or a lot weird.

Now I know that it was all a lie. I don’t think I believe in fairy tales or happy endings or that ‘wonderful love’ people can have together. I have never actually seen that happen personally, as in family-wise.

I’m going to see a psychiatrist soon because my aunt suggested it, and my grandmother (Mimi) is backing her up. The place lets you go for free – there’s no appointments or anything, but they do require to have proof of identity. My aunt wants me to simply because if I am having any brain-related issues, then the psychiatrist would likely know what it is that is going on.

But I have a problem with therapists and counselors, so this block in my head is telling me that I’m probably going to have a problem with a psychiatrist, too. Doctors hear that I have TS or might have AS, and then people who don’t understand talk about my blogging and love for websites like it’s a loser/introvert thing. It’s really hurtful. I don’t know how to explain how hurtful it is without just … crying/breaking down into tears. It’s like I don’t stand a chance at explaining myself.

I’m not an introvert, I just lack friends. I lack friends because I’m not materialistic, I lived a sheltered life and because of my sheltered life, I don’t know how to socialize well. I also lack friends because I don’t really wish to bring my work life into my personal life, and I’m currently not attending school this semester – but I’m going to try to get to again this summer.

So because I lack friends, I appear to be an introvert. Also, I’m not “shy” – I’m an extremely observant being, and I’m probably not getting into the conversation also because I couldn’t care less about the topic. -.-

It seems like people have made this ‘normal’ lifestyle that we’re all expected to follow. If something’s a minority or seems a bit off and/or not like an adult’s thing, then it makes you weird.

And because of that I feel like no matter how much I try, I’ll never get to fully explain why I blog and what purpose it has for me – or even how it helps me. So, if that psychiatrist makes me feel any bit of rejection or that (s)he’s assuming crap, that’s it – I’m done.

  1. When Caroline was on the show. After she left I lost interest because she was the last character from the bunch of ‘original characters’ of the show, and after your original characters leave, the show practically turns horrid/sour.

2 Responses

Author’s gravatar

Maybe you should get a job. I know that is where I make most of my friends. I had friends in school too, but not really once I went to university. It’s much harder to make friends when you only have them in one or two classes. But with a job, you see the same people almost everyday that you work so you get to know them and find things that you have in common. Sure there are still days where I don’t feel like talking to anyone and just go about my job alone, but it’s nice to have people around to talk to if you feel like talking.

Author’s gravatar

…I do have a job. It’s actually one of the main sources of my problems right now.

No, I don’t want to bring them into my personal life because then my work life and my personal life mix.

I did explain this already, in my post, up there ↑.

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