I come from a family who tends to worry frequently over image; it has a tendency to feel like a prison. But step by step, I am “picking myself up” (blergh) and “getting my life together” (🙄). Since I took away my greatest (worst) vice, I couldn’t keep myself locked inside anymore. I had to start expressing it outwardly. I give no fucks. I have none to give anymore.
I keep thinking I’m drunk and am gonna sober up any day now, but it never comes. I’m honest when I’m drunk, unable to hide this part of me. It’s the part people see in close quarters if they don’t give me any sign of judgmental tendencies and I know it’s safe to be my true self. It’s the part of me that is dangerous, in that if she comes out to play, it’s all downhill from there because what will people think?! and she gives no fucks about any of that crap.
It’s the inner self I kept trying to hide, because certain people hated it and were like, “You need to be like this.” I never realized how much of myself still existed to please other people until I stopped having fucks to give.
Now, I don’t hold back.
Now, I’m unapologetically myself; no explanations.
Now, I somehow don’t care.
Now, those worries that used to cloud my judgment are gone.
Now, I’m Jane “Liz” Lawson, and I’m just gonna be myself.
Fuck the real-life filters. Fuck trying to please people. Fuck feeling like my blog needs to be likeable and I need to be likeable. Fuck it all.
I’m a fallible human being.
I use profanity.
Yet I still manage to accomplish things other people dream of, though it’s not my goal to be an envy. I…
- read several books a year unless I’m invalidated
- am a recovering anorexic even though I’ve yet to go one day without thinking about skipping a meal
- can make my own WordPress theme (and made my own logo* HOLLA; links later)
- made a top bloggers list (although alas, I forgot the link)
- was an official GFAF Expo 2018 blogger
- have the privilege of receiving review copies of books
- graduated high school 10 years ago, which only happened because I took 10 classes in the last trimester until the last five weeks of school (when I was an official senior)
Fuck filters…and say hello to F*ck It! Fridays.
*With the use of a particular font that just sort of made everything “click” for me.