For the love of words
I like words.
I used to be able to easily expand my vocabulary, learning a new word every week and using it as often as I could so it would become a habit. Now, I can only learn approximately one word per month unless it’s one that is extremely memorable, because PTSD has practically fried my brain.
A lot of people seem to think PTSD sufferers have so much control over their brain, but the posts and stories I’ve read by many PTSD sufferers don’t have much control over their brains and what their brains do, and their memory isn’t as great as it once was. This is how I feel, and it sucks.
I remember when I learned the word “adequate” in middle school: it was in the story we were reading, and it stuck with me. It means “good enough”, and I found it so intriguing, because this one word could be used to describe two words, and who wouldn’t want that? I don’t really like “good enough”, either, because it’s too frequently used, and perhaps that’s why I dislike it when people feel sorry for me or apologize for things they can’t control… “sorry” is overused. I’m not going to apologize for something I can’t control. (But that might be my Aspie brain talking.)
But because of my PTSD messing with my memory and my aspiness, I don’t always use words properly. Words and vocabulary used to be my thing — an enhanced vocabulary can give the illusion that one is smarter than they actually are. I know this, because for some reason, people think and believe and claim I’m nearly a genius. Truth is, I barely passed science, English was easy ’cause SparkNotes and the use of Rhyme Zone’s thesaurus, social studies/related classes were actually really annoying due to my inability to learn from reading a fucking textbook and being quizzed/tested/etc. on it, maths was an escape/a special interest, and my electives were also special interests and/or fly-by classes.
I don’t really care for topics outside my special interests. They bore and exhaust me, and I’d much rather be doing one of my special interests than a non-special interest.
But words are pretty, and people claim face-to-face and in-person, verbalized communication is necessary to get points across, but that’s too black and white. With adequate diction, one can easily get a point across using text-based communication, and if this wasn’t true, blogs wouldn’t exist, or they at least wouldn’t ever be successful.