Health update #1

Please excuse any and all typos. I’ve been having trouble thinking straight and clearly for the past week. In fact, excuse them in the future as well. Don’t complain about them. 🙁

I guess I should have blogged yesterday because I am in so much pain right now that I can’t even remember what I wanted to say yesterday or the day before. I tried emailing my doctor (because calling takes minutes and because otherwise she wouldn’t listen to me if I had listed out all of that), but I still have yet to hear anything back from her or her nurse – and she apparently does do email. Maybe my AOL email ended up in her spam folder or something, I don’t know. But if I contact my aunt, she’s just going to tell me it’s normal and/or wanna call me and ask me about it, all this other junk, and you know what? I’ve been telling them this would happen, no one listened to me, and it happened without me thinking about it the whole time. I was seriously trying to give this medicine a fully unbiased trial and error process, but how can they expect me to do so? They wanted me to list all of the symptoms, and I told them it was pretty much all but a few. So now I feel like rocks are in my right hip/side/whatever, just rumbling with laughter every time I move because they’re giving me so much pain. I feel bad because I don’t even know what tone I really used in reply to Grandmama when she asked if I wanted some leftovers before she put them up. I had said, “no,” but it was more like a frustrated “no” followed by an, “I’ll eat later” sort of thing. Thinking of food right now just makes me feel even sicker. I text messaged my step mom about it; whether Kim can help or not is a completely different story. If all else fails, I’ll just quit taking it. I’m quite certain it’s just making my depression worse, which is only making me feel more miserable. And we all know I need to feel less miserable. I’ll just suffer the consequences of doing so later when I’m better mentally (which is sort of handling my physical health right now as well) and can actually handle all that’s thrown at me.

But you know what? This pill should be called the pregnancy pill because you have morning sickness, nausea, cravings, aches and pains, and more going on all throughout the time you’re taking it. Lovely, ain’t it? But then if I stop taking it people might ask for updates, and I’ll either a) have to lie or b) say I quit taking it, and if I say b, then they’ll most likely ask if my doctor allowed it, so I’ll have to either a) lie and say yes or b) say no and end up suffering more consequences either way. Even if I “miss” a pill for this kind, I have to just double up and take it at the same time as my next one. It really sucks. I’m considering just calling her and telling her that I can’t take it anymore because I’m even more depressed than I was before I started taking it, which doesn’t even begin to describe how much worse it’s made me feel.

In an email I got a message from someone wanting me to sign a card for Kya (it’s optional, but still). What the hell am I supposed to say? I’m one of those people who would just say “Thank you!” and sign my name, maybe even with a heart or a star (depends on the type of “dress”, I guess – is it a casual thing? Professional? Comfortable? Laid back?), and then I’d look so completely lame and careless and like I hardly put any thought into the thing, or I’d start a trend, and who knows how many others would do that? I’m just not good at signing cards with in depth details when I’m feeling like this – or, really, whenever I’m already not good at card signing, or doing anything cutesy/sweet/etc. when it comes to this. I really dislike signing cards when more people are gonna sign/read what I put. I don’t really know her-know her, and I don’t know how my email was gotten, and I really think cards with messages should kinda not be public to others leaving them. I mean, it’s kinda like yearbook messages, you know? Anyone who signs the book can read it, and if it’s a “popular” and their friends read it, then you’re screwed because they’re clearly gonna feel the need to ask about it, thus deeming you lame for life according to the note you wrote in their yearbook.1. If you know her/have been hosted by her, I’m supposed to pass the link onto you.

So, yeah. If you’re on the list and/or if you get the email/whatever Long story short, if you happen to read through the stuff/sign it and see my name with a heart/star and “thanks”, don’t be surprised.

Moving on, thanks for the supportive comments. That’s the nicest thing I can say right now about them2.

I’m also ticked about how they’re looking for a cure for autism. They talked about it some on the news. Why do most people have only one idea of what it is – or “looks like” – when there’s so much more to it? I just felt like they were saying how it’s a horrible thing. Then again, for the really ‘extreme’ autism, I think it would help make a difference in their lives.

Articles like these scare me, because when I’m 28 years old, I’ll be one of them as well. 🙁 I’ve been researching colleges and universities, and I’m quite shocked and refreshed to know that they have them for people like me. All things are possible, and a lot have specific classes that teach life skills and whatnot. Might be worth looking further into, you know?

  1. True story
  2. Don’t take this the wrong way.

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Comments on this post

Taryn’s gravatar

Lol, Liza. I love my emoticons too, they’re so funny!

I’m sorry you’re depressed. And I’m sorry that your medicine doesn’t work for you. I recently had to get on Zoloft because I have postpartum depression & anxiety. It’s worked a little bit I think, but I still have a long way to go.

I don’t know about your whole situation, but I do hope you get to feeling better & that you can find some way to get the help you need.

What’s this talk about a card for Kya? I know she provides hosting for a lot of people but is it her birthday or are her hostees thanking her for all that she’s done for them?

Liza’s gravatar

I think it’s her hostees thanking her/people who knew her just making a card for her.

Georgie’s gravatar

I know you were invited to sign Kya’s card but it doesn’t mean that you absolutely have to! If you can’t think of anything, don’t say it. 🙂 I’m sure she’ll even appreciate a word of good luck. ^_^

I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I would stop taking them, and I would just do what feels right for me. Even if it has implications later on, you would be in a much better state to think about them when they come, if stopping taking them will stop the pain. I wish you good luck though – if you feel it’s right, do it.

I have an autistic friend, and I know it differs from person to person but they have to start somewhere when they find a cure for something. I know you may not like it, but let them learn from their own mistakes too. After all, they do know a lot about what they’re doing and I believe that they just have a goal to get somewhere, even if it won’t help absolutely everyone.

Michelle’s gravatar

Hope you get everything sorted out with your pain ;/

Hyeoni’s gravatar

If that medication gives you that much side effects, I don’t think you should take them further.
I don’t feel like your doctor really cares about your symptoms. You should try a naturopathic doctor if you can. They are sparse, but more and more are coming into the field. They focus on treating the root problem rather than masking symptoms with medications (conventional doctors). They also look at you holistically, from what you eat and how that also might affect your body as well. And largely, what we eat, how we eat, our diet is usually is the main cause and start of all our discomfort. But unfortunately, I’m not sure if naturopathics take insurances, but I believe it will be worth every penny. If visiting conventional doctors and trying out meds is not working, I would try a different route! And get someone who at least shows more concern. Either that, or…change your doctor and see if that doctor says any differently.

It is true that most researchers might focus on one type, but at least there is movement and progress in the field of autism. I would rather have that, than no progress at all. 🙂

I also don’t like writing on cards and I hated signing year books too! I’m not a sappy wordy person at all! shudders…but I do love receiving them, however I can not give it out. It’s just not my nature. I’m more spunky and tough. So instead the past two years I draw and illustrate! To make up for my lack of words! I usually draw bobs. The simple oval circles with black eyes and hand gestures and stuff. LOL.

I hope you feel better soon Liza!

Stephanie’s gravatar

Autism has many flavors and varieties. I think that the one people want to “cure” is the one that makes it so you can’t learn how to read until you’re 8-9 years ago, as opposed to when you’re 3-5 years old. That’s not the type that you have. That’s the type that actually makes you struggle lifelong in every situation. Actually, if you haven’t read “Flowers for Algernon”, I think that you’d enjoy or appreciate (or really hate) that book – it’s about how a guy with a very low IQ gets surgery and becomes extremely intelligent for a while. Honestly, I think that you can get into a normal university and study there after this stage in your life gets sorted out.

Given what the birth control pills does, the Pregnancy Pill is a very appropriate name for it. It releases hormones in your body that you’d release when you’re pregnant so that your body doesn’t ovulate. If you’re having problems with the pill, it’s usually okay to stop taking it. Lots of people do when there are too many side effects.

I was hosted by Kya for quite a while, and I did not hear about the card! Gar. But when I left Bubble, I left her a nice note thanking her, because her service was quite good.

I also notice that you’ve got the lyrics to “Dust in the Wind” at the bottom of your site. I like that song very much. 😀

Kathy’s gravatar

Personally, I don’t know someone who is depressed so I don’t now how to help you. But regarding that pill, I think that pill you’re taking really causes those things and will later pass. I had some kind of sickness one time and the doctor had required me to take some kind of medicine that will cause extreme coughs and colds at the morning but it means that it’s working my body out. Maybe it needs some little resisting and someday it will ease out. 🙂

I feel the same way signing cards. But I always make it a point to just write few good simple words. Don’t make it big to figure out either, just simple nuggets of comments is fine.

Hope you feel better soon! <3

Liza’s gravatar

I have histories of a lot of things, and family has history of things I don’t have histories of. There’s a specific list on the pamphlet in the package displaying them. I recently found out it varies from country to country from someone who sent me a message on Tumblr. It makes my stomach acid/gastrointestinal problems worse – whether I eat something acidic or not – thus causing me to cough up blood. It’s a painful process. It also makes breathing unbearable. I quit taking it, so…

The health problems I already have don’t allow me to play with my body and try to just “resist” it. :L Plus, it makes my depression worse.

Thanks, though. :3

Dipika’s gravatar

Understandable! My life has times like those too….I hope you do enjoy The Hunger Games

when you get to it 😀

No worries lol….I keep disappearing myself ^_^; I will check Seek Liza out!

I have a goodreads one too! Let me know your username and I will follow you there :3

Lol fair enough…glad you liked TDG…good luck preserving your bandwidth lol!

Firstly, I like the new layout…love blue <3. Uh oh hope you are not in too much pain now :(…sounds like a terrible pill ._.

I don't really mind signing cards if I know the person…but if you don't know the person it doesn't make much sense lol.

Take care!