Please excuse any and all typos. I’ve been having trouble thinking straight and clearly for the past week. In fact, excuse them in the future as well. Don’t complain about them. 🙁
I guess I should have blogged yesterday because I am in so much pain right now that I can’t even remember what I wanted to say yesterday or the day before. I tried emailing my doctor (because calling takes minutes and because otherwise she wouldn’t listen to me if I had listed out all of that), but I still have yet to hear anything back from her or her nurse – and she apparently does do email. Maybe my AOL love.com email ended up in her spam folder or something, I don’t know. But if I contact my aunt, she’s just going to tell me it’s normal and/or wanna call me and ask me about it, all this other junk, and you know what? I’ve been telling them this would happen, no one listened to me, and it happened without me thinking about it the whole time. I was seriously trying to give this medicine a fully unbiased trial and error process, but how can they expect me to do so? They wanted me to list all of the symptoms, and I told them it was pretty much all but a few. So now I feel like rocks are in my right hip/side/whatever, just rumbling with laughter every time I move because they’re giving me so much pain. I feel bad because I don’t even know what tone I really used in reply to Grandmama when she asked if I wanted some leftovers before she put them up. I had said, “no,” but it was more like a frustrated “no” followed by an, “I’ll eat later” sort of thing. Thinking of food right now just makes me feel even sicker. I text messaged my step mom about it; whether Kim can help or not is a completely different story. If all else fails, I’ll just quit taking it. I’m quite certain it’s just making my depression worse, which is only making me feel more miserable. And we all know I need to feel less miserable. I’ll just suffer the consequences of doing so later when I’m better mentally (which is sort of handling my physical health right now as well) and can actually handle all that’s thrown at me.
But you know what? This pill should be called the pregnancy pill because you have morning sickness, nausea, cravings, aches and pains, and more going on all throughout the time you’re taking it. Lovely, ain’t it? But then if I stop taking it people might ask for updates, and I’ll either a) have to lie or b) say I quit taking it, and if I say b, then they’ll most likely ask if my doctor allowed it, so I’ll have to either a) lie and say yes or b) say no and end up suffering more consequences either way. Even if I “miss” a pill for this kind, I have to just double up and take it at the same time as my next one. It really sucks. I’m considering just calling her and telling her that I can’t take it anymore because I’m even more depressed than I was before I started taking it, which doesn’t even begin to describe how much worse it’s made me feel.
In an email I got a message from someone wanting me to sign a card for Kya (it’s optional, but still). What the hell am I supposed to say? I’m one of those people who would just say “Thank you!” and sign my name, maybe even with a heart or a star (depends on the type of “dress”, I guess – is it a casual thing? Professional? Comfortable? Laid back?), and then I’d look so completely lame and careless and like I hardly put any thought into the thing, or I’d start a trend, and who knows how many others would do that? I’m just not good at signing cards with in depth details when I’m feeling like this – or, really, whenever I’m already not good at card signing, or doing anything cutesy/sweet/etc. when it comes to this. I really dislike signing cards when more people are gonna sign/read what I put. I don’t really know her-know her, and I don’t know how my email was gotten, and I really think cards with messages should kinda not be public to others leaving them. I mean, it’s kinda like yearbook messages, you know? Anyone who signs the book can read it, and if it’s a “popular” and their friends read it, then you’re screwed because they’re clearly gonna feel the need to ask about it, thus deeming you lame for life according to the note you wrote in their yearbook.1. If you know her/have been hosted by her, I’m supposed to pass the link onto you.
If you’re on the list and/or if you get the email/whatever Long story short, if you happen to read through the stuff/sign it and see my name with a heart/star and “thanks”, don’t be surprised.
Moving on, thanks for the supportive comments. That’s the nicest thing I can say right now about them2.
I’m also ticked about how they’re looking for a cure for autism. They talked about it some on the news. Why do most people have only one idea of what it is – or “looks like” – when there’s so much more to it? I just felt like they were saying how it’s a horrible thing. Then again, for the really ‘extreme’ autism, I think it would help make a difference in their lives.
Articles like these scare me, because when I’m 28 years old, I’ll be one of them as well. 🙁 I’ve been researching colleges and universities, and I’m quite shocked and refreshed to know that they have them for people like me. All things are possible, and a lot have specific classes that teach life skills and whatnot. Might be worth looking further into, you know?