I had a whole thing written to ring in the new year, but then I went to Ben Wheeler, got new hipster undies, and realized the world feels different when you have comfy underwear. Another thing I’ve realized is that nothing beats the home throne, especially when you’ve IBS and knew you shouldn’t have had that Coke Zero instead of well water. Ahem.
2019 feels different somehow. It’s not here yet at the time of writing this, but it’s nearing. It’s so close I can almost taste it, except in order to get to it I first must go to the doctor’s office for a freaking checkup because this is my life now.
In the latter months of 2018, I invested in myself a bit. I’m going through changes, with which my blog will evolve to comply.
Personal life 🌱
My life is about to get KonMaried. It’s taken me awhile, but I’m finally at a point of like, I have so much shit and only wear 25 percent of my wardrobe and also I hate that barely any expresses me!
Previously, I was under the impression that I’d be ready for a makeover once I had a lot of money to blow. While this is how they do it in the movies and on TV, this is not how it works in real life/adulthood. Slowly, I’ve been thrifting my way to a made-over wardrobe. It’s inexpensive compared to what I imagined my makeover being like, and I’m surprising myself nearly every time I get something. In a way, I’m learning that my style isn’t completely how I once thought it was, but rather it was comprised mostly of what other people wanted it to be.
You know how I said I was investing in myself? Well, you may’ve heard: I bought a backpack. It’s totally fitting of what I’m made of (prickly cacti, according to my nemeses and those who find me intimidating). I bought it not just because I liked it, but because it’s big and I wanted a backpack I could use to lug around my crap while traveling since I could just carry it on my back (or shoulder). I consider it a Christmas present to myself, though also an investment because it will hold me accountable. I want to visit my family more, and maybe even travel. I know that’s a lot to ask of a backpack, but this is me we’re talking about.
I’ve been spending more time living my life, as I am, unapologetically; by this, I mean I’ve been asserting myself and refusing to feel guilty for it, because I realize now the only way to stop being someone people think they can just push around is to not be so passive-aggressive. I’ll let the people who view this as angst believe it’s angst; that’ll reflect on their character—not mine.
I’m going about my life one day at a time, day by day by day by day—whether it’s eating disorder recovery, living, or figuring out my future.
I’m not setting any goal for movies, but there are many things in my Netflix watch list I’d like to get through ASAP.
Skills to improve
In July, I started learning Japanese because I was fed up with waiting on manga to be licensed in English/translated and couldn’t navigate the author websites or sites that sold the comics. Maybe it’s a dumb reason. Some people think I’m learning it for job opportunities, but that’s complicating the matter. 😅 I’m having a lot of fun with it and picking it up quicker than I did Spanish. What matters most is that I enjoy it, I surmise, because it’s a simple thing that brings me joy.
Since, like, November, I’ve been into doing my nails. I groom them weekly and paint them almost weekly (as often as I feel). They’re growing in harder now that I’m eating, so I couldn’t bite them well even if my life depended on it; it even hurts my teeth. I’ve taken an interest in nail art, however, especially with my paint jobs improving each time. This is another way in which I’m surprising myself, in that I never expected to love a pastel polish or be content with a purple/blue pizazz. I also never dared dream of a life wherein I didn’t bite my nails. I stopped biting them for myself—not because some external force thought I needed to; this, methinks, is the key.
Apparently I’ve been applying this wrong and nobody bothered to tell me. 🤦 I’ve been applying it to just my lower eyelid, and the top…ugh. Don’t even get me started. Just know this: I am practicing, and eyeliner will once again be my bitch once I nail the top eyelid. MARK MY WORDS.
I’ve been annoyed with my hair for ages. It needs a cut, but that’s not a high priority. Pinterest, I’ve found, is great for making like Alice and falling down a rabbit hole. It’s in that rabbit hole I’ve found hairdos I CAN DO MYSELF.
I’m excited, because it’s another way I’ll be able to express myself. I’m also so over the plain Jane hairstyle that is waking up, not brushing it, and going about my day; or worse: putting it up in a bun and giving myself a headache. 💁
If there was another term that was not only catchy, but got the job done, I’d use it instead of this one; alas, there is not.
I’ve taken some steps towards independence, although minimum compared to how you might define the independence staircase. I have my own cotton balls and nail polish remover now, as opposed to how I always used to have to ask to borrow some. I consider this a step in the direction to independence, because it places me as able to fend for myself to a certain extent, more than I previously did.
I never learned how to adult, so I’m having to learn in adulthood. It’s not ideal, but then if we’re talking ideal, school should have covered this shit. 👌
Word of the year: Peace
Initially, I selected patience for my word of the year, but the more I thought about it, peace sufficed more. I need to be at peace with my body and accept that I can’t just whittle it away to Photoshop it in reality. I also want the quality people tend not to realize I have—that is, a lack of grudges held and lots of love—to be recognized more. People find me intimidating, and whilst I’ve less interest in being liked than I do in being respected, I’m hoping my declaration that this word is my word of the year will billboard it out to the haters/critics/etc.
At the end of the day, however, it’s their character and not mine—which I’ve also made peace with. Peace also requires patience, methinks, so it’s like…an upgrade from my initial selection.
For awhile, I adopted “slow blogging”, a phrase Holly coined that fits the process quite well. This isn’t working for me; rather, I find I’ve fallen off the blogging wagon and have been lazy at getting back on it. I’m working on a food blog project, like for real this time, that I intend to see through, and generally I want to make something of myself through blogging. I used to feel ashamed, but I’m so tired of using other people’s opinions as a commentary for my life.
My life has also changed, and the great thing about a nicheless personal blog is that it can evolve with you regardless of your main topics. 👌
Again, I’m partaking in the Book Blog Discussion Challenge ’cause it’s fun, even though I don’t always have post ideas for it, and the Comment 4 Comment Challenge, as an attempt to be better at comments.
Seven regular(ish) columns will grace Janepedia this year, without intending to sound too pretentious:
- ☑️ Month YYYY – I’m gonna do monthly recaps again, but rather than sorting out a proper title for it, I’m just gonna tick that thing off to Timbuktu.
- Decluttering Diaries (biweekly to monthly)
- Fuck it! Fridays (monthly) – I’m nervous about how people will respond to this one, because it uses profanity and is also likely to stir controversy.
- Jane Lately (sporadically)
- Style Saturday (biweekly)
- Top Ten Tuesday (here and there)
- What I Ate Wednesday (biweekly to monthly)
Green 52 is…on hold. I got anxious over it, and I low-key think it was perhaps … well, I’ll explain later, but it’s related to DID.
Every now and then, a television network creates what is called a limited series: a piece of work with a set number of parts; the work doesn’t go beyond those parts, but there may be opportunity in the future to add onto it.
I’ve considered something similar for my blog, especially since I tend to process information categorically naturally, and when I think up a topic, I’ve already kind of compartmentalized it. I think it’ll be a great way for me to say what I want to say about something in one go, with the ability to be revisit it in a later post or two. The idea of doing one a year and sharing one part per month entices me. It’s something that’ll hold me accountable and may help me to expand my blog readership without having to sell my soul or attempt the sleaziness of growth hacking.
I settled on the idea of limited series instead of creating and selling e-books because I’ve concluded that route is just not for me. I’m not interested in keeping up with a shop front for that kind of venture, nor with selling information I wish to share just because it’s a special interest by packaging it into something I have to exert myself to accomplish.
I already mentioned soft boudoir (#5), but in case you missed that memo: I’m not gonna be sharing pornography, but rather artistic, abstract, intimate photos of myself. At least, that’s how the world will perceive them. I don’t understand the diff between posing in a bikini versus lingerie, how there’s a difference despite the same amount of skin being shown. And that is a big part of the reason why I’ve chosen this route.
I made a list of prospective topics that excite me about blogging:
- DIY dollhouses/furniture
- DIY personalized art
- photo projects
- refurbished furniture
- show recaps
- upcycled projects
Gardening isn’t on here, but it is included in other things; e.g. I’d love to figure out how to make a real garden for a dollhouse that can be removed, but still played with accordingly—the lack of realistic things like that bugged me to bits when I was a kid, as nothing beats the real thing. Lately, I’ve been interested in refurbished crafts and dollhouses/accessories in regard to hobby-related material. I want to build a dollhouse, just for fun, that maybe a sibling or cousin will play with. I’m not into decorative art you buy in stores; I want my art to adorn my walls, eclectic as my style is. I’m into multi-functional pieces, too, and believe art is in everything. And I want to talk about it, because this is a big part of me, so why not share it?
Happy new year! What’s your new year looking like? 😊