I know you read my posts. Should I address this one to you anyway? Perhaps you grew tired of my “lies” as you call them so frequently, but it’s whatever. I blog on Seek Liza now as well – a lot more than I do on here, however I highly doubt you’d enjoy reading anything on it. Personally, I don’t think you care. I’m twenty-one years old and I am going to continue doing what it is that I’m doing. Feel free to comment at any time to voice your opinion; I like… a “challenge”… Is that the proper word for it? You’re more than welcome to share your side. It’s encouraged. I’d like to know what you think really happened and how you think things really happened.
I just wanted to tell you I finally got over missing you like I used to. Sure, your number is still in my phone, but I don’t have the urge to want to text message you anymore. I have forced myself to not give into that until I didn’t have to force myself anymore. It’s not how I wanted things to be; this isn’t the relationship I wanted to have with you. You could have fixed it. You could have stood up for me more than you did. You could have actually taken care of me rather than just expecting that I was able to fend for myself. I’m over wanting to talk to you. I still love you, but if I didn’t it would seriously make my life so much easier.
All of these things I’m doing are for me, and I think that I still need to watch out for those closest to me as well because that also satisfies some paternal part of me that I don’t understand right now how in the world it works but somehow it all just happens, and I get protective.
I did try to watch out for you, but you’re an adult who wouldn’t help herself, thus leaving me zero anything to try to continue helping you. Get out of denial before it kills you. I think that if I would have stayed myself in that denial boat that I would have died, but thankfully I finally came to my senses and got out of denial. [Those things] was really happening, and I needed out and away. I thought you could change. You guys were going to church and whatnot, yet you still preached the Bible as if you truly had that right to – and you used every life situation as a comparison to it and actually believed (for some odd reason) you comprehended whatever it was correctly. You didn’t. “The man of the house” should not be taken literally and practically worshiped. You aren’t supposed to treat him like he’s the greatest man of all time in the entire world – especially when he puts himself down. That’s called a player, and you don’t have to believe me.
In fact, I know you won’t because after all, I don’t know what love is. …That is what you told me when I told you it’s not normal for a husband to yell at you and get mad at you so easily, right?
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I kept these entries intact even though you wanted me to take them down (which, really, was a violation of my freedom of speech, you know):
- I’m being bullied by a fourteen year old.
- Time is precious. (not this one; just listing it)
I’ve tried lying to myself to ease my pain in the past, and I even still do it. In the end, it’s just embarrassing, and I regret that I hoped lying to myself would actually work. In the long run, it ruined me.
I will never again take something down that you ask me to take down unless it is on my own terms. You know who you are. Yeah, I guess this makes me a disrespectful daughter, no?