How about maybe no?

I know you read my posts. Should I address this one to you anyway? Perhaps you grew tired of my “lies” as you call them so frequently, but it’s whatever. I blog on Seek Liza now as well – a lot more than I do on here, however I highly doubt you’d enjoy reading anything on it. Personally, I don’t think you care. I’m twenty-one years old and I am going to continue doing what it is that I’m doing. Feel free to comment at any time to voice your opinion; I like… a “challenge”… Is that the proper word for it? You’re more than welcome to share your side. It’s encouraged. I’d like to know what you think really happened and how you think things really happened.

I just wanted to tell you I finally got over missing you like I used to. Sure, your number is still in my phone, but I don’t have the urge to want to text message you anymore. I have forced myself to not give into that until I didn’t have to force myself anymore. It’s not how I wanted things to be; this isn’t the relationship I wanted to have with you. You could have fixed it. You could have stood up for me more than you did. You could have actually taken care of me rather than just expecting that I was able to fend for myself. I’m over wanting to talk to you. I still love you, but if I didn’t it would seriously make my life so much easier.

All of these things I’m doing are for me, and I think that I still need to watch out for those closest to me as well because that also satisfies some paternal part of me that I don’t understand right now how in the world it works but somehow it all just happens, and I get protective.

I did try to watch out for you, but you’re an adult who wouldn’t help herself, thus leaving me zero anything to try to continue helping you. Get out of denial before it kills you. I think that if I would have stayed myself in that denial boat that I would have died, but thankfully I finally came to my senses and got out of denial. [Those things] was really happening, and I needed out and away. I thought you could change. You guys were going to church and whatnot, yet you still preached the Bible as if you truly had that right to – and you used every life situation as a comparison to it and actually believed (for some odd reason) you comprehended whatever it was correctly. You didn’t. “The man of the house” should not be taken literally and practically worshiped. You aren’t supposed to treat him like he’s the greatest man of all time in the entire world – especially when he puts himself down. That’s called a player, and you don’t have to believe me.

In fact, I know you won’t because after all, I don’t know what love is. …That is what you told me when I told you it’s not normal for a husband to yell at you and get mad at you so easily, right?

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I kept these entries intact even though you wanted me to take them down (which, really, was a violation of my freedom of speech, you know):

I’ve tried lying to myself to ease my pain in the past, and I even still do it. In the end, it’s just embarrassing, and I regret that I hoped lying to myself would actually work. In the long run, it ruined me.

I will never again take something down that you ask me to take down unless it is on my own terms. You know who you are. Yeah, I guess this makes me a disrespectful daughter, no?

Sorry, but comments are closed on this post.

Comments on this post

Stephanie’s gravatar

Back when I was in high school, my dad read all my posts, and one post that I wrote was a bit insulting to him and asked me to take it down. He explained his point of view and I took it down, because I respected his point of view. It was one of those situations where I was right and he was right too, and my dad is usually quite supportive despite our misunderstandings. However, he was afraid that my friends would read my blog and all think that I have shoddy parents.

I suspect that your mom may not have given you any reasons, though, which I certainly think is unacceptable. One part of Eastern tradition that I do not like is unconditional filial piety. All adults should earn their respect by example, and I don’t think that anyone is entitled to respect or the ability to command – if your mom wants you to take a post down, she better have a good reason, like my dad did. I also don’t understand why “Skyscraper” is on the list of posts to be taking down, because there is nothing insulting or inappropriate about that post at all.

Liz’s gravatar

I understand where you’re coming from.

They wanted it taken down because supposedly people they knew would read it, I was “talking trash”, “putting them down”, etc.

They put on a show in public.

I’ve always had to hide everything.

I’m so sick and tired of having to hide anything.

I was blamed for making them look bad, but they were just making themselves look bad if you ask me.

alex’s gravatar

hey,i think no mater what,you should respect your mother,she is the one that gave birth toyou,no matter what she does,you should respect her and maybe things would be different..

Liz’s gravatar

I replied to a comment on this blog of mine three and one half months shy of a year ago using that same IP address.

If you are brave enough to voice your opinion, why not use your real name rather than trying to hide? I’m not sure if the email address is real, but it is very interesting how it uses the same name as someone in that household.

Maybe I have tried doing so, but when so many things happen you lose respect for someone. Feel free to call me disrespectful for this if you wish; it doesn’t bring me down.

However, if you use your actual name rather than one that doesn’t belong to anyone in that household, maybe we can speak like adults, if that’s even possible (i.e. unless you’re Cody).

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