I am not “heartless”.

It’s really annoying when people label me as a “cold-hearted” or “heartless” person when I am really not.

In sad situations I cannot seem to be as sad as anyone else in the room. It is not that I do not care – I just do not feel the way others do.

When my great grandmother passed away I did not cry; I saw her die slowly, whilst she lived with us. Everyone else cried. I did not.

Sad moments come and go constantly. If I let each one get to me and bring me down, I will become ill.1

It does not have to mean that I am heartless/cold-hearted. Everyone feels differently. Yes, I cry over a scraped knee more than I do over relative that has just passed, but it is the physical things that hurt me. Words hurt as well, but whatever nonverbal, physical things that come with the words are what hurts the most (and eventually causes me to cry).

I am somewhat a sensitive person, but I am not sensitive to everything. That does not mean I am broken, have not a heart or I do not care.

Not crying over a death does not make me a bad person. Everyone handles things differently. The way I handle things varies on what it is, how my day is going, and what my mood is. It varies. So if I cry when another relative passes, that death is merely the icing on the cake.

The way I handle things is me; it’s the way I am; it cannot be changed. If it was changed, it would be changed for the worse. I handle things like this because I do not want to fall into the self I used to be.2

  1. If I let everything bother me, I will get depressed again.
  2. Early 2007 and before 2007.

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Comments on this post

Stephanie’s gravatar

I think that people cry only when specifically provoked in a unique way and that death provokes tears in most people.

Be awesome, Liz, and I’m sure that you are indeed awesome and anything but heartless.

Joy’s gravatar

I actually understand how you feel and I’m not just saying it to make you feel better.

People handle emotions and situations in different ways and how you deal with them doesn’t have to please anyone, ever.

Keep your head up!

Kelsey’s gravatar

That’s pretty cool that you had both sides of your family there; I’ve never had both of my family in one place before because they all live too far away anyways. I don’t think they’ve ever met at all. I’ve only met one specific side a handful of times. Happy belated birthday by the way. 🙂

Well, you have raw meats and stuff on your kitchen sink so that makes a bit more sense to me.

I agree. I have a tendency to keep silent when everyone else around me is upset and crying. I don’t really feel the need to sulk on one specific event; why? Like you said, crying over things all the time is only going to make you upset over pretty much everything. It’s different if maybe someone really close to me got hurt or something but even such, I’m going to be a bit upset over the person that hurt hem or I would try to comfort them; no use crying. Everyone does handle situations differently; you shouldn’t worry about the people that tell you things. They’re just used to crying I guess.

Liz’s gravatar

@Kelsey,

Thanks. :3

I have relatives in Kansas, Florida and another state… I see the ones in Kansas sometimes. The ones in other states are my mom’s birth family (she was adopted).

But I understand.

I know! I don’t get why every sad thing needs to be soaked up by everyone. 🙁

Georgina’s gravatar

I know how you feel. My mum thinks I have no feelings just because I don’t show any guilt when I do something wrong. It’s just the way I look? I don’t know. I don’t like people saying those kinds of things either. We all deal with feelings a different way. Some people hide their emotions deliberately, not wanting to let people see them emotional. Some people just don’t want to cry because they think it shows they’re strong if they hold it back.

I didn’t cry when my grandparents died. Maybe because I was young, didn’t quite understand, and wasn’t close to them. I cried when my cousin died. It depends on the situation.

If I am in a lot of pain, I cry. If I’m only in a little pain I won’t – but my instant reaction when I feel pain is to scream. And some people don’t do that either. :/

hugs You’re not a heartless person. Not all of us show emotions physically. Inside you could be hurting, but you might not be on the outside.

I don’t even think that many people played pranks on April Fools day when I was a lot younger. I think people told little jokes and pretended that a family member died or something. But eh. It gets old when you’re older that’s for sure.

HAHEYYY! Glad you got your laptop fixed now. 😀 I hope you can visit your dad soon so you can get it back asap. :3

No, we just gained an hour yesterday. Apparently they changed the week in Australia. I think last year it was a week earlier for but now they made it a bit later.

Oh exactly! You’re on time and you even make an appointment but sometimes you’re waiting there for a really long time. I have noticed that making an appointment and coming right in are not really that different. You end up waiting for a long time ANYWAY. :/

It’s okay, I understand! I put my hosting site on a hiatus because I’ve just been so busy, but I can still be contacted of course. Just don’t wanna deal with apps and stuff at the moment.

Oh nice idea. I ate some mints recently and I don’t think I had headaches while I had them… so that might have been keeping them away. Peppermint must be soothing. Better than painkillers then, I try to avoid taking meds. :X

Sydney’s gravatar

IMO, everyone handles situations differently. Just because you don’t cry over something this time, doesn’t mean you won’t cry over something next time. Like you said – some incidents are like icing on the cake.

Don’t listen to those people who call you heartless. They call me heartless, too, because I don’t cry at sad movies, or at other things. I think it’s rude, and it bothers me a lot that people have the balls to say such things.

I’ve never been to Texas, but I’ve heard that the weather there is crazy hot. O_O Vegas is probably nothing compared. We still have our hot days though. :/

Disney Land was quite a bit of fun. 🙂

I hope you get your Internet soon! 😀

Ashley’s gravatar

I didn’t cry when my grandfather died but my reason is that I don’t like for people to see me cry. I cried a lot at night afterward.

Now after having kids I find that I’m much more sensitive and I cry about almost everything lol. So yes, we are all different and shouldn’t judge each other for our differences. 🙂

thania’s gravatar

Thank you <3 i love zebra print aswell:)

i know exactly how you feel… this is how I am aswell…. I try not to let things bring me down, if i do I'll get ill and I wont eat for days..

Kay’s gravatar

I’m pretty much the same as you! I’ve only been to a couple funerals (thankfully) but I haven’t cried at any of them. :S I just can’t, yeah I feel sad but I just can’t make myself cry! Don’t worry you seem like a really kind person and you definitely are not heartless! 🙂

Liz’s gravatar

@Kay,

Wasn’t sure if my entire comment went through on your site. 🙁

Welcome back into the blogging world!

It doesn’t matter what you blog about, or even what the length of your blog posts is. I try not to go over 500 words, though. I think 500 words is lengthy enough. It’s neither too long nor too short. And if something I am writing is 1000 words or something like that, I will warn people before they read, or even break it up into Part I and Part II. 🙂

And I blog about so many random things. Choosing one thing to discuss on my blog just … isn’t for me. 😛