I am not “heartless”.
It’s really annoying when people label me as a “cold-hearted” or “heartless” person when I am really not.
In sad situations I cannot seem to be as sad as anyone else in the room. It is not that I do not care – I just do not feel the way others do.
When my great grandmother passed away I did not cry; I saw her die slowly, whilst she lived with us. Everyone else cried. I did not.
Sad moments come and go constantly. If I let each one get to me and bring me down, I will become ill.1
It does not have to mean that I am heartless/cold-hearted. Everyone feels differently. Yes, I cry over a scraped knee more than I do over relative that has just passed, but it is the physical things that hurt me. Words hurt as well, but whatever nonverbal, physical things that come with the words are what hurts the most (and eventually causes me to cry).
I am somewhat a sensitive person, but I am not sensitive to everything. That does not mean I am broken, have not a heart or I do not care.
Not crying over a death does not make me a bad person. Everyone handles things differently. The way I handle things varies on what it is, how my day is going, and what my mood is. It varies. So if I cry when another relative passes, that death is merely the icing on the cake.
The way I handle things is me; it’s the way I am; it cannot be changed. If it was changed, it would be changed for the worse. I handle things like this because I do not want to fall into the self I used to be.2