I know I’m not okay.
So I guess I’ll start with what is going on right now.
- My glasses have dried tear dots on them,
- I can’t find my lens cleaner,
- I’m too irritated to be around people,
- my vehicle insurance and inspection is due,
- and I used Clean & Clear face wash as body wash accidentally, even though I’m allergic to it and developed an embarrassing thing I hate, was told to buy OTC medication for it and had this horrid burning sensation in a place no woman ever wants a burning feeling to be.
However, that’s not exactly what I have to worry about most right now. I took a quiz on WebMD just for kicks to see what my results might be. I never had to tell what my diagnosis in March was, and yet I apparently gave them that impression, anyway. By the way, these are banana holders.
I’ve come to realization that I really cannot handle any more pain/stress. I just can’t handle it. I’ve tried to handle too much in my life already, and if any more pops up into my life, I’ll just give up altogether/completely. I can’t handle anything, no matter how much I lead people into believing me when I say, “Yeah, I can handle that – no big deal,” I really can’t handle it. People expect too much of me, and it’s even worse when I understand where their coming from yet I know they can’t understand why I can’t “just do it”. They don’t understand. They can’t understand it.
Not being able to drive is literally one of the hardest things about this. They don’t understand. Yes, I get the fact that I need to drive Toto at least once a day. Do you not understand that I cannot function right now? The brain-eye-do coordination is not working right now, and there is no freaking thing I can do about it. I can’t do anything about sleeping all day or being up all night or sleeping all night and being up for only four or five hours in one day. I can’t control it. It’s not about what I eat or do or think. There’s something bigger that is causing this. It’s not me doing this to myself, because if it was, it would be a choice. If this were a choice, my choosing to attempt being happy would have worked.
I can no longer afford to simply sigh/take a deep breath and try to not stress so much. That’s giving me the same reaction as pretending all is well did.
By the way, if you’re interested in seeing IP addresses guilty of trying to hack me, view my list.
Edit: I was just venting… updating people on my life… [view image]