I really love writing

Similarly to being chill with having 6birds as a blog name, I’ve had my moments with writing. As a child who needed an escape and a teen filled with angst, writing was used as a weapon. Early on, I learned how easily I could hurt someone with mere words on paper—how, when my mother found it, quickly I could get in trouble for my writing. I began to envy writing and want to move far, far away from it, because I was punished for my feelings, and when I used it as a weapon, I hated myself too much to keep practicing it for mere fun.

But these days, I love it.

I decided to return to my Wesley story, and I can’t help but feel as if I’m kindly sewing him together. There’s a lot of love in him, but he’s an autistic character who has intense difficulties articulating anything—both verbally and physically—unless his special interests are involved. He requires so much patience, but when he lets a person in, his heart is really big. Wes is a bit of a pompous ass, but he’s genuine and raw.

I feel like this is the story that is going to make me feel like the struggles I often have with writing is all worth it. Wesley is an autistic widow. His wife died, but he didn’t react in the way non-autistic people around him expected him to have. He soon meets an allistic guy who’s supposed to keep him company, because Wesley craves company, but not in the same way allistic people do. Obviously, they eventually begin a romantic relationship, however odd it may be.

It’s not about how he falls in love with a guy, though. It’s not about how Wesley doesn’t understand why anyone would have a problem with someone’s sexuality—why the need to “come out” exists at all. It’s not about Wesley’s inability to fathom why his relationship is seemingly anyone else’s business but his and his significant other’s.

It’s about how Wesley, a man perfectly content with who he is, falls in love with someone who loves him for everything he is.

As someone who’s been dumped and ridiculed because I’m autistic, this is important to me.

If I only ever write and publish one fictional book, it would have to be this one. Of course, it’s much more complex than the given context, but…that’s what is making it so enjoyable. It feels totally worth it.

I’ve also selected a theme for my memoir, in that it will use similar language to what is on my blog, but the things you don’t see—the things little to no people know about, because I never talk or post about it. Since, it’s become much easier to write and sort out the things to include in it.

I read in an article that you can only ever have one autobiography, but you can have multiple memoirs. Thus, I suppose, if I felt like I wanted to share anything else, I could always write another…perhaps.

I couldn’t choose between a Wesley book and my memoir, though; it would be too difficult.

It’s not completely impossible to publish both, though. Writers have the world at their fingertips, even more so with all the resources available to them these days. Self-published works only suck if you let them. It’s not the end of the world to write and rewrite a book, resulting in a draft count in the double digits.

It’s the year 2016. Anything is possible. ❤

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Comments on this post

George’s gravatar

Your story sounds fascinating, and I’m glad you have the writing bug! Use it while you have it. Writing can feel like a chore for me, even with a story I really desperately want to put to paper. Best of luck!

Kim’s gravatar

You’re story sounds fascinating and I like that you can draw on life experiences (dumped and ridiculed because of autism) in your writing. Good luck with it and with getting published if you decide to.

/cookie – because I wanted to try out that emoji 😉

Liz’s gravatar

I’m going the self-publishing route, so I’ll no doubt be getting published. c: But yeah…autistics are told we can’t write about how someone would break up with us because of our autism—because it supposedly doesn’t happen—but it does happen. On the other hand, allistic people are too scared to write about it, because it’ll make people “uncomfortable” and/or also doesn’t actually happen.


Liv’s gravatar

I would love to read your autobiography / memoir because you have a lot to say and I think that will benefit you. As you said writing is an escape, but I also think it’s a way to become content with what is in front of you. 🙂

Also the fact that Wesley only cannot understand why the relationship between him and the guy matters to anyone else – that’s interesting. I know people who have problems with the relationships I have with my friends, none of us are autistic and we still don’t understand.

I also hope you publish this book ^ it will shed a lot of light I think!

Liz’s gravatar

One of the things I never understood about my guardians (anyone, really) was why they were so interested in knowing about my friends and/or significant others. Like, so what if they didn’t like them? It wasn’t necessarily a rebellious thought, just this…lack of ability to understand why it mattered to them, when they didn’t know anything about me. It didn’t make sense. I also am tired of reading the same things in books and just…for once wanted a character who also didn’t understand this. My goal is to write things people can relate to without having to force it—especially autistics. And also, I’m just annoyed at characters in books always gossiping about stuff like that, and those things on Facebook that say partners should participate in PDA and willingly talk about each other to others, or else it’s not genuine love. Love comes in so many shapes and sizes, and…I guess this is my great FU to all those expectations. :p

And the story I’ve created for Wesley is the only way I know how to properly describe what life as an autistic is like. It’s weird. I can try and try to explain to others from a personal standpoint, but Wesley’s story covers many mundane aspects of one’s life, which will let people see how an autistic does things. I don’t know how to better explain it. :/ It’s a bit weird, but it’s lovely. :3

Thanks. ♥