Identity crisis

When you remain in a particular place on the Internet for six consecutive years, you build up a presence not easily replaceable.

I moved the posts I had on adashofjane.com to 6birds.net. This is where I’ll stay. I’ve been here for six years already. I have friends here. This is my Internet home. I’ve found solace on and in this domain. There is no meaning behind the site name; it merely is, so much so that 6birds has become me, in some ways I cannot easily articulate. People take me seriously here. A lot of readers here understand how I am. I don’t want to leave them; many of them have become my friends. I’ve put a lot of work into this domain name for the past 6 years.

Every time I opened the “New Post” page on adashofjane.com, I felt weird, as if I was trying to convince myself this place was also my home—that I had two homes. I’d have to defend my domain to strangers who don’t know me—stress, “I AM A CONSISTENT BLOGGER! I’M SIX YEARS IN!”

I tried to split myself in half in an attempt to please people, so I could hide the autistic side of me.

Then, I read “Seeing Ezra”, and I couldn’t help thinking, “More autistics need to be open; we need to share about our lives and the rawness of what goes on in our minds. The world really needs those of us who feel okay enough to be this vulnerable to do it.”

I don’t want to hide my autism.

I don’t want to have to prove to someone I know what I can do.

I don’t want to have to prove to a stranger I’m not a newbie blogger. I’ve been here for six consecutive years, thank you. I know my way around. I’ve seen a lot of stuff change.

I don’t want to split myself up; I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not.

That’s what I felt with adashofjane.com. I tried to push it away. I tried to convince myself, “It’s just the theme,” then, “It’s just new,” to no avail.

I don’t want to have to introduce myself to a new set of people.

I’m comfortable here.

I have an odd bond with 6birds. I’ve tried blogging at several other domains in these last six years, because branding a domain with a number is hard…or is it? I’m probably not going to have a logo for at least another four years, because how do you do that? 6birds has literally nothing to do with birds! But something I think several brand “experts” don’t realise is that a brand can also be a person.

For example: my celebrity friends. I have some or a few; the number doesn’t really matter. In the end, they’re still friends; they’re everyday people, like me.

Anyway, they are their own brand. They don’t have a set logo or anything—their brand depends greatly on their attitude and displayed personalities. For the actor(s), they have to make sure they don’t do something too disrespectful to a production/its network/etc., because they could hurt the brand of that project. For example, a person who eats meat and posts about it a ton on Instagram wouldn’t be considered for a PETA spokesperson, because they’re not vegans. Likewise, if they were a PETA spokesperson, they couldn’t start posting pictures about meat without hurting the PETA brand or losing their job.

Maybe that makes sense. Maybe not.

Reorganising

So I’m organising 6birds—finally.

I keep thinking, “I really want this iThemes Security shit off my blog. How do I get it off?!”

I’ll figure it out later, eventually, someday.

I’ll run a test with it one day, after creating an exact replica of 6birds on my laptop, in localhost.

I have 365 posts to look through, to make sure I’m not being too insulting.

It’s 19 pages.

“I mean, I need to do this anyway,” I say to myself.

I’ve spent several months telling myself all about how I could move stuff over later. I suppose this should have been the first sign.

I tried to convince myself I wasn’t living some kind of top secret double life, even if I was trying to keep 6birds a secret a little longer.

I’ve worked really hard to get here, where I am, with 6birds and as a person. I’ve come a really long way. I’m really tired of playing the “Which URL?” game every time I go to comment someone’s site. 6birds.net is the default URL. It’s weird to see a different URL; it feels a little like I’m pretending to be someone else.

People know me, Liz Lawson, as the blogger of/at 6birds.net. I’ll get this eventually.

Trying to blog on adashofjane.com makes me feel anxious, sick, awkward, uncomfortable—and so many more things.

What’s more, I shared about the time I learned about my allergies. When blogging about having so many allergies, that post is so relevant. I thought my life was over the day I came home with a packet of my allergies.

I don’t ever see anyone talking about allergies like that—the behind-the-scenes parts people don’t really see.

A reintroduction (kind of)

I’m Liz, 24.

I love TV and movies, and I love animated-looking gaming characters; I just wanna squeeze so many of them. Since most dance movies are set in New York, I really want to travel there someday. Growing up, I dreamt of moving to and living in Canada. Now, I’m kinda really interested in moving to and living in LA, especially since a ton of my fave choreographers teach there. I love cats.

Lately, I’ve been wearing my hair in a bun, either held in place by a small, clear clip or a larger, brown and gold clip. It’s kinda easier, especially since I’m straightening it less to avoid damaging it too much. 🙂

I use owl emoticons (though WordPress 4.0 started displaying them weirdly).

I say things like “totes”, “brill” (brilliant), “peeps” (people, usually; capitalised might sometimes be for the marshmallow Peeps), “let’s be real”, “to be honest”, “let’s be honest”, “for realz”, “probz”, “errything” (or “errythang”), “yo” and several other things. I also get really excited about some things and TOTALLY START RAISING MY VOICE LOUDER AND LOUDER. Sometimes. I also have a tendency to talk until my throat hurts.

I can eat a whole pepperoni or Hawaiian pizza by myself. For realz.

6birds is my blog home. I’ll get this eventually.

I’m going to just focus on one blog. Maybe I have just been stretching myself too thin, hence why I kept feeling so overwhelmed? Ugh. I’ll stop stressing myself out and creating more work for myself eventually. 6birds now needs even more reorganisation, ’cause importing ADOJ screwed with my categories, but oh well. This is a slow process. ❤

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Comments on this post

Michelle’s gravatar

I’m glad that you’re back on where you belong, where you find most solace and love on. I couldn’t imagine losing Dreaming-Arcadia for that is my home, that domain, even though I went through a lot of domains to find the best one 😀

Hello, Liz! I’m Michelle, 26, Married, and suffer from mental illness, but I’m very short at a whopping 4’9″ but I’m spunky and just very me.

That’s fine! Take all the time you need to fix and organize everything.

[…] I decided to switch up how I do my link love posts, because before, I was just…handing out a blob of things I found, which I felt didn’t have much of a theme, purpose or meaning to them. Everyone has different interests, and I browse the Internet a lot, and I’m trying to be more like myself, especially now that I’ve decided to have only one blog. […]

Georgie’s gravatar

I know you too well, Liz. I know that maybe you felt like you were ‘stuck’ with 6birds but I have honestly seen so much growth from you over the years, especially since I built this theme for you, and you’ve really matured as well. I think it helps we’re the same age – kind of makes me feel like we are two friends growing at the same time. 🙂 ❤️

I can understand why you felt the way you did about ADOJ. I can’t say that I felt that way when I moved URLs over the years, but maybe that is because I just moved all my posts from Heartdrops to Hey Georgie.

I also don’t think I mentioned this to you yet, but when I was blogging at both Consolation in a Jar and Out the Window, I felt like I was my real, true self on CIAJ – raw, emotional, growing, developing – but OTW was my fun, joyous side. It’s funny because in stopping blogging at CIAJ and solely blogging on OTW, I feel like I let a lot of that emotion go and I felt like I wasn’t being very true to myself.

It wasn’t until I started blogging at Heartdrops that I felt that I was. As you know, moving to Hey Georgie was because of a link with depression and a general ‘time to move’ feeling. We’ll always have times in our lives when we feel like it is time for a change, and we sometimes change our minds too, and that’s OK.

I can only commend you and also be slightly envious of you that you have been at 6birds for longer than I was ever at Heartdrops – I thought I would have been there forever, but in reality it was only four years. 🙂

Liz’s gravatar

Thanks! I definitely think I’ve grown, too. :3 As it’s happening, it feels really slow, though—so much that I blogged about so long ago feels, well, so long ago.

I don’t remember CIAJ or OTW, but I think/guess that that was before you had Heartdrops.

I actually remember you moving to Hey Georgie. I wasn’t fond of the change, but now, I can’t even begin to imagine you having a different URL, heh.

Thanks. <3

[…] I decided to switch up how I do my link love posts, because before, I was just…handing out a blob of things I found, which I felt didn’t have much of a theme, purpose or meaning to them. Everyone has different interests, and I browse the Internet a lot, and I’m trying to be more like myself, especially now that I’ve decided to have only one blog. […]