I’m just a person who has had to live in reality all her life.

Society makes twenty-one year olds out to be party people, people who speed, people who drive crazy, people who drink ’til they’re drunk, etc. There are all of these stereotypes displaying how things should go, what I should do, what I should think, what I should see, etc. I don’t want to be one of those people who live in that scenario. To be honest, I don’t want to be one of those people who live that lifestyle. I’ve been one of those people living that lifestyle my entire life, and I don’t see a problem with me wanting to get away from said lifestyle. I don’t have a specific “plan” to follow and to have. I don’t have zero fears or just a few fears. I’ve been terrified of reality my entire life. I’ve never been able to live in my dreams or escape a scene when I wished I could.

I’ve realized I read a few blogs on rare occasions that reminisce their childhood, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot put myself in that scene no matter how hard I want to feel what it was maybe like for them, pleasant or embarrassing. If I comment on it, saying something along the lines of, “That seems like it was a cool experience,” they accuse me of not reading their blog and/or being insane and/or making fun of them. They don’t understand just how lucky they are. Then there are some people who will blog about how they got grounded for sneaking out of the house – and they think it’s seriously the worst thing in the world. First of all, you’re only sixteen. Second of all, when I was your age1, I could barely afford to have/keep friends because I always had to babysit my sibling(s) so my mom and lard could go elsewhere, wherever that was – and I was bribed each and every time. And I always fell for it. At least they had enough of a social life to be able to sneak out of the house to go out with a bunch of their friends. Not everyone has that.

I once came across a blog written by a twelve year old who talked about her eleven year old popular self who tried to be nice to a shy classmate by asking her to hang out. I’d read that blog for about two or so years, and the ‘popular self’ of a girl was really mean and cruel. She was writing about that time as if she had truly tried to do something right, but the year before was an entry about said shy girl whom she bullied. Little did she know I was shy girl who went to school with her – who had been reading her blog all along, commenting back and forth with her and chatting on AIM. She seemed much nicer online than offline, and “much nicer” doesn’t really do her justice, as it’s more like “less mean”. She and her friends would always laugh at me. I had a lot of tics back then, and it was frustrating. I tried so hard to suppress them, but it never worked. My teachers grew tired of my requests to use the restroom (because in the restroom I could go into a stall and let my tics have their way), so I no longer had an escape. It was really embarrassing.

In school I was the “Scottish” girl because I loved wearing plaid skorts. In school I was the retarded girl because I couldn’t control my tics, caused by Tourette’s. In school I was the teacher’s pet because I was quiet when they were hushing the class, so I never had to do book work or write sentences. In school I was the bus driver’s pet because I always greeted said bus driver and was always so nice. In school I was the girl who received special treatment because she had asthma. In school I was the weird girl because I couldn’t understand sarcasm. In school I was the girl who lived in a cave because I wasn’t ‘in the know’ – because I was so sheltered, I didn’t know about various new movies, TV shows, etc.

Since my junior year in high school I’ve wanted to go to London – or somewhere similar. It was after I watched a video in psychology class that I saw this. Since I was nine I knew the people around me were so different. My mom once said something about Canadians calling themselves Americans, and I said, “Well, technically they are.” She and lard both looked at me sternly and replied with, “How?” “Well, Canada is a country located in North America. So is Mexico. Technically both are Americans. The United States of America are simply united states in America. They do not define North America because they are not the only territories in North America. Therefore, technically Canadians and Mexicans could also consider themselves Americans – and they wouldn’t be wrong.” My mom and lard scoffed, and I was sent to my room. In eighth grade I brought this up to my World History teacher, and everyone thought I was crazy. It was then that I realized how snobby Americans tend to be, or the majority at least.

I don’t think I’m the problem anymore. I think I know my problem, but I don’t know how to fix it. I was born in a country that focuses on money and politics, but I have no interest for money and politics – not as much as I have for love and happiness, anyway. Would it be the worst thing in the world if I wanted to live in a country where I could dedicate my life to animal rescue2 – in a country that didn’t focus so much on politics and money?

But the biggest problem in me not knowing how to make that happen is that I don’t even know what the major would/is supposed to be.

I’m just a person who has had to live in reality all her life who now wants to live in her dream for the rest of her life.

  1. Lower, actually. ~10.
  2. Or not even that. I want to be one of the people who take care of and work with the abandoned animals… who gets to do something like this – like what she got to do.

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Comments on this post

Nana’s gravatar

There are lots of people in the country who dedicate their lives to public service, such as working in animal rescue. I don’t think it’s a country problem — it’s more of a social network problem. You just have to find the right crowd and you’ll be happy. I know — I wasn’t that happy in high school because I couldn’t find the right crowd, but I eventually found such a crowd in college. Once you find a group and are accepted, you grow much more confident. You’ll be able to find that group! Just keep on being nice to everyone.

Liza’s gravatar

I’d really rather not stay in a country that takes politics so seriously.

Liv’s gravatar

I didn’t really have a stereotypical life that might be called reality. All of that drinking and partying stuff I only see on TV, and I’m not even sure if it’s actually real. I also can’t imagine myself doing all that once I turn 21.

Just this weekend I was watching a movie where a bunch of high school kids were partying without their parents’ permission. I was thinking – I never ever did that. It wasn’t because of family reasons like yours though. I went to a specialized high school and all I ever did was study. I don’t even know if my classmates partied or not because I never heard about any.

So, are high school parties real? I guess I won’t know.

There’s a whole deal about online personalities and offline personalities. That is an extreme coincidence that you were reading about yourself, but otherwise I’m not surprised that the girl would do something like that. I once knew a guy who was so cool online but offline was a moron.

If I were Canadian or Mexico I wouldn’t want to be considered American. To be honest I am quite ashamed that I am American. Americans are so snobby that it leads to ignorance, which is what the world knows Americans by. But hey, I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes imagine a country I can feel at home in. I guess that’s called living a dream?

Matt’s gravatar

You sound like you share a lot of ideals with one of my best friends. Hes a great guy and really intelligent. I remember one of my history teachers made a huge point about calling everyone who resides in North America, Americans. I didn’t really think much of it at the time but it did stick with me, I mean technically you’re right about it so don’t feel bad. I don’t really like to talk about it too much but I wasn’t very popular at school, so I ended up spending a lot of my time alone. I think it was a good experience though because I always used the negativity as motivation to better myself. I’m more of a loner though now but that’s how I prefer it.

Stephanie’s gravatar

If you want to go to college and study something related to rescuing animals, I believe that biology is the major that you’re going to want. It’ll be a tough major that’ll make you work hard and learn a bit of chemistry and physics too, but I think that you can do it.

Judging from my own college experience, I don’t think that people actually drink and party and drive crazily all the time, at least not at my school. And you know what? It’s perfectly okay to be the girl that’s always in the cave and the girl that doesn’t have tons of friends if there are a lot of people that you don’t like very much. I think that they’re all actually just scared of you deep down inside, because you, the girl who went to school with Tourettes and the girl who had to babysit her siblings, are much more responsible and courageous.

Over time, I’ve come to accept that there are a lot of terms out there that just “don’t make sense”. “American” is definitely one of them. You were absolutely right when speaking to your mom and teachers – in fact, I’m pretty sure that one of my elementary school teachers talked about that exact situation in class. But because it’s just not used that way, a lot of people will just say that you’re wrong without thinking about it.

Right now, I’m not sure whether there actually is a country that isn’t focused on politics and money right now, unfortunately. Your best bet is probably either Canada or one of the Scandinavian countries, because they’ve been in the news the least these days.

Krystal’s gravatar

Sometimes I feel I don’t click with the people around me too. I mean, how many people out there my age actually likes listening to oldies, would like to live in a tiny house someday, and go bike riding once in awhile?

In school, I was pretty much a loner. I didn’t have many friends because I liked to keep to myself a lot. I was made fun of once in awhile and I still hate those peoples’ guts. Ugh. I’m SO glad those days are over. In college, no one cares about who’s popular and whatnot – well, in community college I guess. 😛 CC has been going swell for me.

Doesn’t every country focus on money and politics though?? :T One day, I would love to have my own business or work with women and children in Cambodia. I don’t see myself working for bosses and big box companies in the future forever – actually, that’s like my worst nightmare.

Hyeoni’s gravatar

That’s good you have something you want to do! 😀 Why don’t you go to a local animal shelter and ask them how to get where they are at. Sounds like a social work, so like any social degree would probably be fine? Or you can always go to a counselor at your local college and ask them what you’ll need to do to get into social work or animal shelter.

Don’t focus too much on the negativity of social life. Negativity is a part of life to balance out the positive. Just ignore it, and focus on the things that makes you happy. Don’t waste your time and energy on all the things that are wrong with this world. In every part of the world you will probably find something that does not do well with you. And in every part of the world each have their own money, political and social problems. Nothing in this world will be to your liking and nothing will ever be perfect. And just like that, every single person has their own unique set of drama, trauma, and problems that they have to deal with. You might think you’re the only victim….I was once like that too…but you have to realize, the problems your facing is nothing compared to that of a starving child in Africa. Your in heaven, compared to those suffering in Africa. If you compare your life like that, it might just help you appreciate what you have now. 🙂

Each problems are unique to each individual. Might not sound as difficult as your own experience, but to them, the psychological level of pain they go through might just be the same level as yours. I honed this understanding since high school. My wise history teacher once said that parents just don’t understand…that all the troubles and stress that a parent has to go through, is exactly at the same level of a student in his/her teens going through identity stage, school stress, and peer image. The level of stress and psychological pain is the same, but the “experience” and problems is different. I didn’t immediately get his message, but it’s an understanding that comes with age and exposure.

Having let things annoy you means you have let them won. Don’t let them win! Be the better person. 🙂 It’s hard and it will be a work in progress, but repeat this mantra. The moment something makes you sad, annoyed, or depressed, go watch something funny or do things that make you happy. Fighting! 😉

You can dream. There is a wonderful quote that inspires me, “If you can dream it, you can do it.”
Or better yet…. if you can dream it, visualize it, you can do it and make it happen!

Anna’s gravatar

You can still do what you want where you are right now. 🙂 Growing up and learning things about life are never easy (I am this old and life doesn’t get any easier. Lol.) but maybe… I’m not sure if this would help you out but what I do when the things I don’t like seem to be thrown my way is that I either ignore it (and they eventually go away in time) or grab it by the horns, do the best I could and then move along with life. “Nobody said it was easy. No one said it would be this hard…” I think you can still be a part of animal rescue or take up a course that interest you and not sort things out too much. 😉 Yeah, life happens that way. Sooner or later, you’ll end up where you want to be even though it took time and lots of surprises along the way. So… best of luck, Liza! /hug

Liza’s gravatar

I had to grow up at age eight. Most of my school years were spent reluctantly “skipping” with permission from my mom, so she could go out and leave me home with whichever sibling was there that day — for whatever reason said sibling was there — whilst she did whatever she wanted. Though I’ve never given birth, I’ve raised my siblings. Two appreciate it, the others do not. I’ve grown up, and I’m still learning. But all throughout my childhood, I really didn’t want to be here. The inspiration for this entry is technically just from a journal entry I found that I wrote when I was younger; I’d keep various thoughts written down, and I altered it so the logs could work on just one blog. Because I didn’t know what else to write about, but I needed to blog because I wanted to blog.

I can’t do what I want to do where in the country I am in now because I want to experience life outside of the USA. It’s complicated, hence why I didn’t really go into much detail on the issue.

I’d found the journal logs and read them, and then I realized this problem still exists. For me, things never go away. Things are always there.

Thanks, though.

Nancy’s gravatar

Stereotypes usually cover the general people of a specific group. Key word, general. This means, you don’t have to live under this lifestyle. You live under lifestyle, and feel free to watch as others around you speed, party, and go crazy. Play it safe and you will be greatly rewarded.

I’m sure eventually, you’ll find that tactical plan on commenting on blogs which will satisfy the general people. I mean, seriously- do the best that you can. For a fact, I give it my best when it comes to commenting. And through time, I’m improving (as it seems through my point of view). I’m pretty sure the teenager was living for the present; sneaking out isn’t fun. You’d be busy being paranoid about what your parents/guardian would do if they found out you sneak out!

I suppose that this is one of the reasons why I avoid using people I know anywhere in my blogs for negativity. I somehow wonder to myself how that girl got away with blogging about bullying others. Seriously, and the small world it is, talk about two facing.. Or double lifing .__.”!

You’re unique yourself, and break the common stereotype that everyone followed. There are always someone who shares the common traits you have, but you never notice. If you never mentioned about you being the driver’s and teacher’s pet with special treatment, people would just assume you’re just like any other person…

I can’t believe how people couldn’t take your ‘American’ speech seriously. The people from USA are supposed to be referred to as “United Statesian”. But I guess all of us have grown into calling ourselves American.. Since there’s Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, and Canadian.

If the problem is too much of a problem, you are welcome to fight the cause. People power! But you can’t escape politics, otherwise you’d be in a total dictator-controlled country.. And money….. You won’t be living in a single family home made of the proper materials.

And I just graduated :D. So I guess… Yes, that does mean I graduated :D! But for that post you commented on, I didn’t graduate yet… But I got my yearbook early :)!

Take care :)!

Liza’s gravatar

Not up for fighting the cause.

I prefer to do what I wish when commenting blogs. I think the need to have a ‘certain way to comment’ is pointless and ridiculous. I do give it my best, but I won’t sensor anything.

I try to avoid commenting posts having to do with a death. Death doesn’t really phase me like people wish it would. They would want a “sorry”, and I don’t see the point in apologizing for something that is a part of life, because strangers apologizing won’t really change anything, so what it the point?

Yep, yep.

Blanca’s gravatar

I hate it when young people are sterotyped! My priest always talks about teenagers doing drugs, having sex, not doing well in school etc and sometimes stares at my sister and I because our family likes to sit in the front. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I just want to tell him that he’s wrong about us. I’m sure he’s not pointing me out, per say… but it’s just really annoying… I’m not like that and neither is my sister. /huh ‘

I’m sorry to hear about the name calling you got at school. That’s so stupid of people… some people are just so ignorant. -_-

I’d love to go to London too!