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Lately, I’ve been sick and feeling, well, like shit. I haven’t felt like blogging much because of it, but I’ve found interest in reading blogs I’m subscribed to. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I’m now using Thunderbird for my emails, and I use a plugin called Bamboo for my RSS subscriptions. 😉 I can return some comments in Thunderbird because I also have the plugin Thunderbrowse, but not for sites requiring me to login.
I think I’m basically subscribed to everyone’s RSS feeds that comment me, and if not and I’ve not returned your comment, I really am sorry. It’s nothing personal, and it shouldn’t be taken as such. I’ve been busy, in pain from the kidney stone (which exited on its own, thank God), and now I have this flu-slash-strep throat-slash-cold-type-thing going on that I am on an antibiotic for. I also finally got Zest up, and I have my awesome team/staff to thank for that.1
My allergy shots are on hold until I’m not sick anymore, I guess. I haven’t had a fever since I started taking the antibiotic the available doctor at the time put me on (after searching for one that excluded things I’m allergic to2). My norm is usually about 96F or 97F, and for a while I was hitting ~99.3F. It’s not majorly high, but it’s two degrees higher than my usual. Oh well. The shots can resume next week, provided I’m better, as the doctor had said that my immune system is working enough. Personally, I like how S (my allergist; I need to invent an alias for her that won’t be needed to use in the future AGH) suggested I see a doctor, because then I was able to see one… and have proof that I really was getting sick like I’d assumed!
On the way to the doctor’s office, I was sniffling. And G’mama suggested I blow my nose. And I explained to her I didn’t actually need to — that it was just a tic — and she said she wished I would get that out of my head and stop using it as an excuse… and that she’s been praying for God to take away my Tourette’s. Personally, I don’t want him to. If society was less ignorant, I wouldn’t have to feel ashamed. Just because I happen to have spastic muscles paired with a brain that requires me to do things that may seem abnormal to you does not mean that I need to be “fixed”. You can’t tell me God made everything for a reason — and made me the way I am for a reason — and then tell me that he can take it away if I ask him to. Perhaps the reason I have it is to spread awareness. I’m a little different from others. That should be okay.
I went in on Wednesday. Ironically it was soon after I blogged that such a situation would occur. To be quite honest, I wanted to just cry. It definitely doesn’t help with my depression and PTSD.
I’m so sick of people acting like I’m not supposed to actually believe I have a mental illness and/or that mental illness is real. You can’t talk about people who have mental illnesses and such like it actually prevents them from doing ____ when I’m right here suffering in a similar way. You can’t tell me to get over something or stop acting like it happened. I’m also sick of being told that I don’t need to talk about how I was abused or something. “Yeah, well, that’s in the past, and I’m glad.” Just because something is in the past doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me now.
And people who tell me I can talk to them about anything wonder why I don’t open up to them.
On Twitter, under the #tourettes tag, I found something I really like. It also makes me sad, though, as I wish I could say the same.