Irony or bad luck

Lately, I’ve been sick and feeling, well, like shit. I haven’t felt like blogging much because of it, but I’ve found interest in reading blogs I’m subscribed to. I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I’m now using Thunderbird for my emails, and I use a plugin called Bamboo for my RSS subscriptions. 😉 I can return some comments in Thunderbird because I also have the plugin Thunderbrowse, but not for sites requiring me to login.

I think I’m basically subscribed to everyone’s RSS feeds that comment me, and if not and I’ve not returned your comment, I really am sorry. It’s nothing personal, and it shouldn’t be taken as such. I’ve been busy, in pain from the kidney stone (which exited on its own, thank God), and now I have this flu-slash-strep throat-slash-cold-type-thing going on that I am on an antibiotic for. I also finally got Zest up, and I have my awesome team/staff to thank for that.1

My allergy shots are on hold until I’m not sick anymore, I guess. I haven’t had a fever since I started taking the antibiotic the available doctor at the time put me on (after searching for one that excluded things I’m allergic to2). My norm is usually about 96F or 97F, and for a while I was hitting ~99.3F. It’s not majorly high, but it’s two degrees higher than my usual. Oh well. The shots can resume next week, provided I’m better, as the doctor had said that my immune system is working enough. Personally, I like how S (my allergist; I need to invent an alias for her that won’t be needed to use in the future AGH) suggested I see a doctor, because then I was able to see one… and have proof that I really was getting sick like I’d assumed!

On the way to the doctor’s office, I was sniffling. And G’mama suggested I blow my nose. And I explained to her I didn’t actually need to — that it was just a tic — and she said she wished I would get that out of my head and stop using it as an excuse… and that she’s been praying for God to take away my Tourette’s. Personally, I don’t want him to. If society was less ignorant, I wouldn’t have to feel ashamed. Just because I happen to have spastic muscles paired with a brain that requires me to do things that may seem abnormal to you does not mean that I need to be “fixed”. You can’t tell me God made everything for a reason — and made me the way I am for a reason — and then tell me that he can take it away if I ask him to. Perhaps the reason I have it is to spread awareness. I’m a little different from others. That should be okay.

I went in on Wednesday. Ironically it was soon after I blogged that such a situation would occur. To be quite honest, I wanted to just cry. It definitely doesn’t help with my depression and PTSD.

I’m so sick of people acting like I’m not supposed to actually believe I have a mental illness and/or that mental illness is real. You can’t talk about people who have mental illnesses and such like it actually prevents them from doing ____ when I’m right here suffering in a similar way. You can’t tell me to get over something or stop acting like it happened. I’m also sick of being told that I don’t need to talk about how I was abused or something. “Yeah, well, that’s in the past, and I’m glad.” Just because something is in the past doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me now.

And people who tell me I can talk to them about anything wonder why I don’t open up to them.

On Twitter, under the #tourettes tag, I found something I really like. It also makes me sad, though, as I wish I could say the same.

  1. Seriously. We got ~30 members in less than 24 hours. We currently have ~40 for Prejoin. The forums are as active as ants when you destroy their anthill… I couldn’t do all of that on my own!
  2. Apparently there are antibiotics that have nut ingredients in them! :O

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Comments on this post

Robin’s gravatar

I think you make a very good point: God shouldn’t have to take your Tourette’s syndrome away. No one prays for people in wheelchairs to suddenly be able to get up and walk; they accept the condition that those people are in. I don’t see why your condition should be any different.

Georgie’s gravatar

*hugs* I’ve been keeping up with your posts, but I haven’t had the time to compose comments. I understand how you feel because you’ve mentioned this to me before, and I let you email me or message me, whenever you feel like it, but I know you’ll only do that when/if you’re ready. It’s a shame some people don’t understand you — most people just say “it’s alright” or “it will be alright”; I know it’s hard for people to console sometimes, but some people do a downright awful job or end up saying very “empty” things like what you’ve mentioned.

I hope you start feeling better and things start looking up for you soon xx

Jessica’s gravatar

Bamboo looks really cool! At the moment, I am looking for a new RSS reader since Google Reader is closing down (why are so many cool services closing down?!), so I’ve been trying Feedly and Bloglovin’, but Bamboo looks like a good contender :O

It’s good that you’re on your way to recovery, I hope you get to take your allergy shots next week (ie you’re all better!)

I had to read your last post (I dunno how I missed it either, I blame it on the RSS feeders :O) in order to understand the later portion of your post, and I can’t believe the things that people are saying to you, even if you give them a rational explanation o.o I’ll admit that I may not be experienced with dealing with people in general, but I’m glad to read what you write cause it does give me some perspective. I can only hope that your friends and family are supportive in the way that you want/need them to be. And I hope that they stop stressing you out like that, it seems like there’s a cycle with all of this…

Sage’s gravatar

I to have a mental illness. I do not understand yours to well, but I understand the STIGMA which automatically comes with have a mental illness. And I am trying to change that by not being afraid to say to people, ‘guess what? I have BPD, you can learn to accept it, or you can EFF off out of my life, your call …’ I recon, and this is my personal belief that people are ignorant and SCARED of things they do not understand so they criticise and put people down for it. I am more then happy to educate anyone who wants to know about Borderline personality disorder … I live it. But I am also happy to educate myself about Tourettes to 🙂 so if I do ask questions I am curious, not being ignorant …

I really do hope you’re feeling better soon.

As for your comment, I am going to Sydney in September for 4 days and staying with my sister. She did say that if I needed to come sooner, I can. So I have that option if I need it. I am also thinking of sleeping tomorrow away 😉 We’ll see how that pans out!

Ashley’s gravatar

I’m really sorry to hear this. I know this has been an ongoing battle for you, but sadly, it’s a battle that many of us face the rest of our lives. Y’know people who say that “the past is the past” blah blah blah don’t understand that for some of us, the past haunts us. No matter what you do or what you try to do, it still haunts you and doesn’t leave you alone. You can’t even escape it from your dreams and that my friend, is the problem with the saying “the past is the past”. Because for some of us, the past is never the past even when you do try and put it behind you. I understand and get what you’re feeling.

I hope you start feeling better soon and your sickness goes away. <3

Carrie’s gravatar

I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling like shit lately.. Things will get better in time 🙂 For the mean time, try to enjoy the beautiful weather!

Cat’s gravatar

Sorry to hear that you’ve been sick lately 🙁 I’m glad the antibiotics are working at least. It really bothers me when people don’t believe mental illnesses are real and tell people to just get over it. It’s so insensitive, and they have no idea what it’s like.

I feel like each person should deal with the past the way that helps them the most, whether it’s hiding it or talking about it. Just because it’s in the past, doesn’t mean it has to stay in the past.

I hope you’re feeling better! Get well soon!

Tran’s gravatar

Yikes! I know this comment won’t be any benefit to your health, but I really do hope you get better soon!

And someone close to me suffers from depression, and sadly, a lot of people aren’t informed about it and just don’t understand. It’s an unfortunate position to be in.

Stephanie’s gravatar

I wish that your (and mine) Tourette’s would go away, not so that you wouldn’t have to look embarrassing in public, but because tics are just so bothersome!

If only there was a way to get your entire family together, in a meeting with a psychologist who’ll give them a nice long lecture about mental illnesses! I’m pretty sure that doctors do that for patients with long-term illnesses. But in my experiences, not acknowledging a problem makes it worse, while acknowledging it and then doing your best to fight it makes it go away a bit. You’re doing the right thing. And I’ll keep telling you that so that you’ll have just a little bit more support when your family puts you down.

[…] it offline to people would simply put me in a place of awkwardness, and possibly even make me feel as shitty as I felt last week. I have PTSD, which is the abbreviation for post-traumatic stress disorder. I have flashbacks […]