Jane Lately #38

This has been in my head for some time, so I feel it’s a good song for this life update! Alessia Cara’s one of my favorite musicians. (Hello, she wears plaid.)

The future of my life updates

I was gonna switch to something else, but…ah. It’s a project that, when I do it or implement it into my blog, I want to do right or as planned and not feel like I’m skimping out on anything. But I think Jane Lately fits, too. Liz Lately was great because of alliteration, but Jane Lately fits my initials-to-be. Heyyy.~

The whole annual survey thing

I feel insecure about it, but then…I feel it was a bit pretentious of me and inapplicable to Janepedia as it is right now, hence why I didn’t boast about it much. I’d rather do first, then talk and ask about it and all that jazz later.

I’ll still answer Qs, so send ’em my way.~ I’ll reply to them sometime late January/early February.

La vida y una vida del amor

I’m still doing stuff here and there on my blog and other places online, but I’m also reading and generally trying to live. Current obsessions are The Girl Who Sees Smells and A Couple of Handsome Men (not included in my fave webcomics post).

I’m trying to surround myself with more love, because it feels like every time I open my laptop, some kind of hate is being spewed all about. Humans are full of err, so I’m not perfect. I’m gonna screw up here and there, but—importing my old posts and reading through them (because I needed to manually edit them)—I’ve realized a lot about my life and faith in the past month. For one, a type of abuse I endured with my mother and her husband was one I felt wrong to disclose, and even pushed away, but…spiritual abuse is apparently a problem—like, it’s got its own term! Since when did that happen?! Heh.

But I don’t…I don’t feel hate towards them—at least not on a vengeful level. Mostly, it’s pain, because a lot of people (including the Church) justified it for so long because he was able to claim me as a “rebellious child”, a “Bad Girl”, “an evil person”. Psychologically, that rips a person up. I also feel pain because it was not just me; I recognize the same patterns (isolation + shame) happening and continuing since my mom and me officially parted ways in 2012.

So…it’s not perfect. I don’t know whether I’ll see them this Christmas or not, but I’ve made peace with my past. I don’t think it should happen to other people, however, hence why I share my story. I do, however, hope, because I want my mother to know that, no matter how much she hates me, I’ll still love her. I tried for a long time to hate her, but…it’s impossible. And so I’ll love her—because love conquers hate.


Merry Christmas! 🌟🎄🔔

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Comments on this post

Christine’s gravatar

Merry Christmas to you, too!! I totally feel you on the surrounding yourself with more LOVE goal. It’s so hard to find the positivity sometimes, especially when the news & media & worldwide atrocities seem to keep coming at us. Sometimes I think it’s because we are so connected…so we’re more aware? I hope you had a good Christmas and were able to relax and enjoy! And if I don’t talk to you, HNY! <3

Jane’s gravatar

Yes! I think it’s because we’re more connected, too. Before, we relied mostly on news television and print, but nowadays all kinds of information is much more readily available.

Brandy’s gravatar

Looking forward to seeing what you’re doing with the blog. 🙂

I’ve been in the same boat. Like you, I don’t have the best relationship with my mother, due to her alcoholism. It’s hard watching someone who you care about kill herself. We clash, because we’re so different. At the same time, I feel alone, because even though she’s still here, she’s also not.

It’s become a tough world. I’ve had to turn off my news app notifications, because the news has become so depressing. And, this is why it’s so hard find yourself surrounded by love, when the world has become so, meh.