kind of a weird thing to post, methinks.

Today I actually looked in the mirror for the first time in a while. I’m not talking about a glimpse or to snap a mental image of myself and “how great” I look. I know I’m seriously the least likely person one would think of as pretty, and the fact that I’m still just a B cup doesn’t help matters as far as telling my gender goes.1 I guess it’s my own fault; I enjoy wearing clothes that are comfortable and not so tight because I hate it when perverts stare at my butt and/or my chest areas. It’s quite insulting, and when I feel extra self-conscious about myself, I’d rather just wear things in which I am comfortable wearing. JS.

I guess I didn’t look too horrible. My bottom lip is so raw because I keep biting and chewing and nibbling all over it until blood is drawn, and then my Chapstick stings as I apply it to my lips. To be honest, I kind of like that small pain; it’s really the only pain I can control.

But I have other pain, too. The pain I experience nonstop and day-to-day in comparable to Bella’s Lonely Months episode in “New Moon”. The only difference is that I’m actually showering and brushing my teeth. But I feel like no matter what I do, I’m still just sitting on the side of the road looking out my dashboard and the windows as the world is just passing me by and never changing.

That’s just a piece of it, though.

Meh, come and seek me.

  1. To be honest, I was mostly posting said picture because I thought my Dailybooth profile was still private, and I just want to take pictures for me. I take my pictures on there based on my moods, and I don’t primp myself up unless I feel like it.

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Comments on this post

Stephanie’s gravatar

I have seen people look much much worse than you. If you insist that you are ugly, then you are only borderline ugly.

Please don’t bite your lip too often! I don’t want you to get into a habit of self-harm!

I have not read or seen New Moon, but from what I know of Twilight, I think that you’re better than Bella. You’re getting help and taking action – at least to me it looks like you’re taking actions that will help yourself, such as moving out somewhere else. My friends all said that Bella just stared into space until some guy (forget whether it was Jacob or Edward) saved her.

Liz’s gravatar

I didn’t think it could be considered as self-harm. D:

It was her dad, Charlie, because he’s the one who said that she needs to get up and do something because he’s gonna send her back to her mom if she doesn’t — because he didn’t know what to do anymore. Then she picked motorcycles up from someplace and went to Jacob after her decision to live life dangerously.

Justin’s gravatar

I must be an idiot… lol… because I can’t find the picture. Oh well, I’m sure you’re not ugly. I don’t think anyone is ugly. And based on your personality, which is all I slightly know (and all that really matters), you seem rather beautiful. 🙂 Chin up! And wearing baggy clothes makes you cool. 😉

Liz’s gravatar

Haha, I decided to not post the picture in the end. ^^ I guess I do, but the thing that had happened… here :L My reply to her was that not everyone can be blonde Barbie lookalikes.

And then she posted on my next one that I looked better/actually looked pretty or something along those lines, and then I said that I should be pretty in all of them, but it doesn’t matter how others see me.

Anna’s gravatar

Wearing loose fitting clothes are fine. It does keep perverts at bay some times. (I say “some times” because believe me, I have seen men ogle girls who aren’t even wearing anything showy figure-hugging. UGH.)

About your other pain: At least you’re doing something about it. Don’t be like Bella! Wait… I think I remember something about “New Moon.” (Sorry, I’m not a “Twilight” saga fan.) Aha! Okay, so if you’re going to be like Bella then at least do something similar to what she’s done during those painful months of pining for Edward: I remember she tried to learn how to ride a bike (not the one with pedals lol) just so she could feel the rush and feel alive again. 😀