Life Update #4

Thus far, 2013 has flown by. I think sleeping a lot has to do with that, plus the constant feeling of déjà vu every day due to my allergy shots schedule — four days a week, each week. I still have yet to get into therapy due to Cigna no longer allowing me on the site1, so I need to get with my dad so that he can help me figure it out. I do know of one that I found (and like), though. She has so many disorders and such listed, and her experience background and skills are nice as well. However, I do not want to be lectured on this. 🙁 Seriously.

My tics have been acting up. I’ve been a lot more stressed lately, and a lot of people have been counting on me since I released Flight for download. It sucks, because although it’s been really helpful to a lot of people, I didn’t think about the bunch of people who decide to use it that aren’t as familiar with PHP. So what started out as an awesome hack turned into a hack that just gives me a freaking headache. And I need to put together an update for it. I also started working on Zest, a new TCG. Capture opened up recently and it quite low-maintenance since updates are biweekly. I’m getting annoyed with Spree again. I guess the downside to Spree is that I am not a fan of shopping and it’s really getting to me. I don’t have as much enthusiasm as I once did about it.

When I paid less attention to TCGs and just focused on running my one TCG, I spent more time blogging, on 6birds, and returning comments. I wasn’t as stressed, because I put more time into writing posts that day rather than writing drafts and saving them for later. The bad thing about writing up drafts is that I can’t exactly save a draft about what I did today and save it for later. I’d have to use past tense in a way that it didn’t include “today”, “yesterday”, “last week”, etc., since I’d have no real clue on when I would post said draft. The bad thing about writing up posts and scheduling them is that they either need to be in the future and/or written in a way that makes it okay for it to be published at that particular date.

It makes blogging complicated. Unless they’re general posts I’m writing and scheduling and saving, they don’t exactly save a purpose.

And because I have been posting my drafts and letting my scheduled posts go, I’ve not really had much time for comments and things — something I used to love to do.

There’s something about this time of the year that puts me into a funk and makes me feel like complete shit. In November and December, I feel as though I am able to do the most. However, it’s Christmastime, and I’m a bit2 of a Grinch. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened to me during that year especially and my PTSD is causing my brain to keep thinking I’m in that scene or if it’s something deeper. I know I need help. I know this. I’m really sick and tired of people telling me that I fucking know I do.

I’m just venting.

I miss blogging my thoughts out. It kept me sane, and now it’s like I’m going back to last year — the feeling, the mood, but thankfully not the actions.

By the way things are going currently and with my inability to drive due to my PTSD and depression, Toto (my truck)3 is technically in the process of being leased to my younger cousin, Morgan (Bri’s oldest younger sister). It would make it more convenient for them because she needs a way to get around places, and they wouldn’t have to format their schedules around hers. I say “in the process” because her dad/my uncle is looking into the legal stuff about it. It would put some money into my pocket (like for my phone, etc.) as well as make it more convenient for them.

It’s basically a win-win situation. Plus, the gas mileage is awesome on it, so Morgan wouldn’t have to fill up as much.

  1. Seriously. I’ve tried everything. I just keep being told, “Sorry, you do not have the permissions to login.”
  2. Understatement.
  3. If you’re into cars, it’s a 1994 GMC Jimmy Two-Door that has been highly customized. Instead of my milkshakes bringing all the boys to the yard, my truck does. It’s a guy magnet to any guy who knows his cars. There is not at all any like it anywhere else.

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Comments on this post

Robin’s gravatar

Sorry that you are losing the truck… 🙁
I think Christmas is also a depressing time of year due to the social expectations of pretending to be close with biological relatives whom hardly (if ever) act like family during the other eleven months.

Liza’s gravatar

…I’m not losing the truck.

Robin’s gravatar

Oh. When you said it was being leased to Morgan, I thought you were giving it up completely or for a long time.

Liza’s gravatar

It’s just temporary.

MfB’s gravatar

Hi there! She was okay with it, but you’re about people not always wanting to disclose too much about themselves.. You’re very observant. Thank you for your comment.

Terron’s gravatar

I know exactly how you feel, especially when it comes to blogging, so much you want to do and so little time to do it, I to wish I could blog my thoughts out. Ive never done it, except when I FIRST started blogging…. but Idk i guess im nervous to do it… lol. but anyway, just take a step back and have a breather, dont let it all stress you out.

Georgie’s gravatar

I’m quite impressed with the work you’ve done on Flight. I meant to get into TCGs a while ago but I never did. I don’t know if I ever will now, since I’m so busy and love to just focus on my blogging and other things. I also dislike shopping even though I once did like it. It seems like such a chore now, to go shopping for whatever it is – be it clothes, groceries, medicine, and so on.

I once thought about scheduling posts. I don’t think it would work for me either because the content I write would have to be relevant to the date it’s posted on, or just generic enough to be okay to post any time. I sometimes start drafts but often I start them really close to the day I post them anyway. I’d rather just flesh it (a post) out in one sitting and get it over and done with. I try, but sometimes it takes a couple of hours especially if I have photos. xD

Kristy’s gravatar

I can see why you’re stressed, you’re trying to do a lot! It doesn’t matter where your working commitments lie. If people online depend on you it’s stressful. My host Misaki is an example.

I don’t like to write drafts because I won’t end up publishing. There’s so much to write about and so little time. It makes blogging complicated, lol.

November and December are depressing in my opinion because people expect a lot more from you.

If you really loved your truck I’m sorry you’d have to give it away, but it’s good you’ll get some money for it!

Liza’s gravatar

I’m not giving it away, and the leasing isn’t permanent.

Cat’s gravatar

That’s cool that Flight has been helpful for people 🙂 It feels good for people to like something you worked on. I ran into a similar issue when I made a plugin for work though. I wasn’t expecting so many people to ask questions about it or request more features on it. The plugin wasn’t my real job though, so I couldn’t keep up with it, unfortunately.

For some reason, I’m usually not in the mood to post things I did in the same day, so that ends up working out with saving drafts. I’ve put more focus into blogging the past year, but unfortunately, that means I neglected my other sites, so I guess I have the opposite problem. I wish I had enough time for all of them =/

I’m glad you worked something out with your truck that’s a win-win situation!

Christine’s gravatar

I don’t know HOW you balance everything! You have so many amazing side projects and I can barely keep one blog together sometimes. GAH! I can understand how seeing the doctor for the same shots and the same procedures can get to be grating. Random question, but have you ever tried a chiropractor for your allergies? I used to write for a holistic doctor and one of the chiropractors there did allergy treatments. I remember them telling me something about how the spine balances other systems of the body and if it’s out of alignment then immune issues like allergies can flare up. Something to consider? <3

Stephanie’s gravatar

Now you have learned all the trouble that comes with releasing software for download! I hope that it doesn’t give you too much trouble in the end!

I hope that the money that comes from leasing the truck helps out a bit! You’ve got one rugged truck if it’s lasted this long!

Becca’s gravatar

I’ve thought about doing scheduled posts, but I can’t seem to get the tenses down and if I finish a post, I usually just post it right then. It would be nifty if I could just learn how to utilize it! But I tend to just sit and write a whole post and just publish it whenever. If I’m unorganized, oh well. No use stressing over it.

LOL. I laughed at your truck bringing all the boys to the yard. 😛 It sucks that you can’t drive at the moment, but at least you’re getting a little extra money out of it!