Two weeks ago on Healthkicker an article titled “10 Things ‘Skinny’ Friends Can Do to Help” was featured. I read it, trying as hard as I could to get through the entire post before reading the comments, and it turns out that I’d developed the same opinion about it as the comments: …Is she putting the blame on her skinny friends? This is my extended response to her post, and by extended I mean a longer response than just recommending comments I agreed to that were posted by other users.
Her post is basically a list of pointless “poor me”‘s (in my opinion) and her blaming her skinny friends and virtually asking them to eat less, not finish their plate, etc. for the benefit of her because she’s overweight and trying to lose weight. People replied to her post simply stating their honest opinions, and although I feel for her (merely in the way that she was trying to get her point across and it instead ended up going all wrong) she hasn’t once mentioned she worded anything differently – just that said feedback givers are “heartless”.
Here were/are my thoughts to her list:
- So I can’t finish my food? You have no idea what’s even going on with me on the inside because you’re clearly too high strung for me to tell you. Did you know that my weight was commented on when I was growing up? Oh, wait. YOU DIDN’T. Therefore, you don’t know that I bounce back and forth between a healthy weight and an underweight (which only happens after doctors ask about my diet/eating habits/etc., thus making me feel very insecure about it).
- No right choice of words for this.
- …So you want me to ignore your feelings and put you down, yet I’m supposed to care about your feelings and act differently around you? Am I reading this right?
- Then why are you telling me I need to change the way I am? Don’t assume I can sit around and eat whatever I want all day, and don’t assume I’m happy with my body just because I’m smaller than you.
- What if I want something sweet? Need versus want are two totally different things, and you’ve NO RIGHT to tell me what I need and don’t need…
- If you don’t express interest, how am I supposed to know you want to go walk around the neighborhood or something? I currently have health problems that don’t even allow me to stretch; Friday night I stretched a little and the next thing you know I’m barely able to move and waking up from pain on Saturday morning. I look fine and okay and good because I’ve learned how to fake being okay.1
- When I worked at Walmart I spent most money on gas and food, and the rest was on bills. Eating healthier seems more expensive at first, but in the long run it’s cheaper. One can of fruit/veggies is more expensive than the actual full-sized vegetable… Frozen veggies are usually available in a bigger quantity and just a few more cents… What “healthy” food are you buying? There are also coupons…
- …You’re saying you’re unhealthy, and yet you’re giving me health advice? Uh, no. And just because my problems aren’t as visible as yours doesn’t mean you have a right to call me out on them.
- See #2.
- #5, #9 and #3 – and now #10 – contradict each other in my eyes.
And then she asked for people’s opinions, so I dipped down to the comments. I admit I’d want to do everything I could to help a friend out, but if I had to change my entire lifestyle and/or the way I act, then I wouldn’t/couldn’t do that. Most of her post [in my opinion] is simply her assuming many things. I could be wrong; but that’s just my point of view. She reminds me a lot of my mom and lard, mostly lard, who wanted all of “us kids” (if that’s the appropriate term) to go on a diet because we needed to be healthier and so on, even though Chris, Mary and I were perfectly fine. Probably Cody, too, I don’t know; don’t really remember much. Anyway, her comparisons aren’t even appropriate comparisons for this situation, and another user agrees.
What’s your opinion? Do you think she’s trying to put the fault on someone else (i.e. her friends)? Do you think she’s being ridiculous?
My best friend in high school never asked this of me; I think she actually always got mad because I hadn’t eaten much and needed to eat more, so she encouraged me to eat and would always tell me I need to stop worrying about her and just eat if I was hungry.
- Grandmama has realized my voice is different, though, so I can no longer fake it around her… I didn’t even realize it was different. ↩