In reorganising my blog this autumn, I found approximately five goal-related drafts, one of which pertained to 101 in 1001.
Because a lot of other people are frequently posting their goals lists, and because all through my life, everyone was constantly asking me about my goals and, if I said I didn’t have any, making them up for me based on what they wanted me to do.
So I’m done with the goals lists.
I have found I personally do better with to-do lists—little pressure, bite-sized tasks. I never understood the goals worksheets teachers made my classmates and I do in high school, because 1) it felt silly and cheesy, and that combination is my most irked, and 2) said teachers usually forgot about it. There was one teacher, however, who didn’t, and she was constantly telling us how to make our goals. The goals had to be for that class only, and we had to write down do-better goals. If we made a B, we needed to aim higher. If we made an A, we needed to aim for all As and only As.
I didn’t like that. I also didn’t like how she looked over our filled-out worksheets and required her approval, and I didn’t like how she expected those worksheets would be what held us accountable, because 1) that’s not how I learn/do things and 2) goals are such a personal thing for me—it was none of her business what my goals were.
When I try to apply the goal-creating process to my current life, I feel more distant from my present than I did before I began. I start focusing so much on the future and laying out all those plans. I mean, my mind already branches out and finds what could happen with each situation—it already analyses every card I play and move I make by default, then delivers to me to possible outcomes.
But there are only so many potential outcomes it can conjure up, and if I keep making goals, I’ll keep feeling like I need to stick to those only…because that’s the protocol, right? What if an opportunity pops up that’s on the way to the path I want, but doesn’t totally fall into my goals? There are so many roads, but to make a goal is to essentially stay on the same road to the same destination, without taking any detours or stopping to look at the scenery.
When I have goals, I either spend too much time avoiding living my present life to see said goals through, or I spend too much time living my present life to not see said goals through.
It’s so boring to make goals. It’s also time-consuming. I want to spend more time living my life and doing things I actually enjoy doing.
I want to live limitless among my limitations.
It’s like eye contact from an autistic person: You can have eye contact and the autistic person not actually listening to/understanding what you say, or you can have no eye contact and the autistic person actually listening to/understanding what you say.
You cannot have both eye contact and an autistic person listening to/understanding what you say.
How do you feel about goals/goal-making?