There is drama with me involved, and it’s messy. I usually try to stay away from anything that could turn into such, but apparently that doesn’t work, either. I’ve sent a sincere email that could count as an apology the day of the blog post, but I’ve not heard back.

The thing about drama is there’s always at least two sides to every story, one side including things another may not have thought to even bring up. And, since everyone perceives things so differently from each other, things are often not taken as the author would have expected — hence why we should be careful — which often leads to a bittersweet taste on the tongue. Oftentimes, people don’t even realize what they say could be hurtful. Yeah, it’s okay if I call myself a certain word during certain situations, and it’s okay for some friends to as well1, but if you don’t know someone, you shouldn’t call them lazy, or anything related, for that matter. You don’t know how a person will react or feel afterward.

People love a bloodbath, so they often feed off drama instead of going to the direct source. Everything has to be public. It’s like high school never ended.

I dislike people for that matter.

It probably takes at least four years to be able to earn my trust fully. Or maybe it’s been three and a half.

Anyway, I’m indifferent.

I just am.

I have kept Twitter and Facebook and Thunderbird closed more often lately, and I don’t even check 6birds as much anymore. I can’t handle drama. I’ve been really great wit not cutting lately, and I really don’t want to spiral down into that sphere of sadness I was in. No, I’m not ‘happy’, but at least I’m no longer hurting myself. I hate that side of me.

Yet, I kind of really want to just cry. Stop blogging. Delete my Twitter account. Disappear. Be done.

A reply to the email would have been nice. I’m not even technically involved. I’m like a third-party company — I’m in the middle.

I just.


I’m not a bad person. I’m good. I can be good. I want to be good. I am good.

I’m back to sleeping all day and being up all night.

I may unjoin a lot of things I’m apart of (e.g. forums, communities, etc.) just because I don’t want to do this. I get happyish, and okay with myself, and then I fall down the entire flight of stairs, or however many steps I just climbed.

I haven’t even been in a great enough mood to eat regularly or decorate my gingerbread house.

Maybe this is what relapsing feels like without the cutting.

It feels better to appear offline than to be seen as available.

  1. Because they’re close enough.

Sorry, but comments are closed on this post.

Comments on this post

cantaloupe’s gravatar

I’m sorry to hear that your emotions are so negative. I wish I could say “don’t let it affect you,” but feelings happen regardless of whether or not they’re wanted. I hope that your mood improves! Perhaps the person will reply. Perhaps the person isn’t worth your worrying. Perhaps you just need some space offline. It can be a good thing. I do hope your mood improves either way.

Hiro’s gravatar

I don’t really know what’s going on, so I have nothing I can contribute, but hugs and hoping the feelings will pass soon. I know in my case, feelings are triggered and I get extremely low, but I hang onto the hopes that after a certain period of time, I will indeed somehow feel better, and the emotions will not be as strong. 🙁
Hugs. Take all the time you need to be removed from the drama!

Liz’s gravatar

I tried to write it in like a really general way because I dislike labeling anyone. &heartss; Thankks.

Hiro’s gravatar

Very understandable, since you’re trying to avoid drama. Lots of cookies your way. /cookie /cookie /cookie

Corynn’s gravatar

I can hear you, Liz! I’ve been there and, honestly, I still am in a way. I used to blog, I quite enjoyed it, but the truth was that I actually needed it to keep that little bit of sanity I had left. Thing is stuff always seemed to become complicated, and usually all the drama didn’t even come from a “fight” –not sure if I can call it that anyway, that I started myself. I’m not making sense I know, but because of all of that pressure I decided to give up blogging for good, at least personal blogging.

I read your blog a lot, but I comment only once in a while, and I envy you (in a good way!). You are able to share you feelings, even when you feel down. I admire you so much, and I only hope you won’t end up closing 6birds because you would be missed.

I don’t have any useful tip or anything on this topic, but here I am telling you that most of the time we are good, only other people are too bad to see that. Hugs!

Erin Nicole’s gravatar

Tiffany told me about this. I’m sorry! I hope she told you that she was upset over upsetting you as well as not meaning it in the was that she did.

I’m sure you will recover soon, Liz! Good luck!
That hosting offer is fantastic. If they tell me they want one of your plans, too I’d be able to honor them. They would just need to email me. (:

Liz’s gravatar

I’ve received nothing from her.

Diane’s gravatar

I tend to stay away from drama, too, but I’ve been looped into it before, which ended with me getting hurt. My depression passed, and I came to realize that I couldn’t go back in time even though I wanted to. I stopped dwelling on what’s happened. I really hope things will pass on for the better.

Agent Q’s gravatar

I don’t know what happened exactly, and I won’t pry in either. My hope is that some separation provide ample time for all involved parties to “defog” their minds and [hopefully] reconcile. Nobody likes drama, and it’s an unpleasant experience. May time be your faithful ally that guides you well. Take all the time you need. Hugs from Houston. 😉

Kya’s gravatar

I’m really sorry that it went that way. 🙁 I hope that you don’t fall into a horrible place, and I am sorry to hear that it has already affected you in such an icky way.

It’s easy to say, to try and focus on other things, that you have fought harder battles, but that doesn’t make things any easier. Just try to look after yourself as best you can.


Cassie’s gravatar

Drama is stupid. I’m sorry. It really does seem like high school never ended. We’re always told that the future holds less drama than the past. And while that may be true for some, it’s definitely not true for me.

That and just having a presence online seems to invoke drama. More drama seems to happen online rather than offline. Which is worse, I think, because you can’t get away from it.

I wish the best of luck to you and your situation.

Amy’s gravatar

I don’t know what this is about, but I hope it all works out okay. Any sort of drama can be awful (and just plain annoying)!

The internet can be up and down at times, I’m constantly worried that someone will take something I say the wrong way. I once posted an entry to Tumblr ranting about everything I was annoyed about and someone screenshotted the post and basically wrote a page-long essay about why I was a God-awful person who would never do anything with my life with my sucky attitude. (I spent most of the week upset and it made me very wary of posting anything).

I hope it works out alright – I’m sure we’ve all been there! It takes a thick skin to be on the Internet! If you need any one to talk to I’m here.


Caity’s gravatar

Drama is awful. I hope that whatever it was passes soon and you’re feeling better.

Liz’s gravatar

Thanks. I’m really over it. 😡 I’m slowly going to go back into ‘I don’t care’ mode. I just got weak. 😡

Ffion’s gravatar

You didn’t get weak – you just acted like a human being. <3