I like being pale.
8th December 2017 edit: At the time of this post’s writing and publishing, my depression and PTSD were high and mighty before me—but I also did not have a grasp on my eating disorder, which led to anemia so bad that it turned my skin pale from a lack of proper nutrients. I also had other health problems, like an ovarian cyst and allergies. Thus, one could surmise I was severely unhealthy at the time of writing this. The last thing this post should be considered is any kind of inspiration or empowerment, for I was an enemy of myself.
I like being pale.
There, I said it: I like my pale skin, and I don’t tan.
I’ll admit I don’t sit outside every day, but that doesn’t mean I’m lazy. I do what my body permits me to do at one time. I can’t sit up straight – another reason I can’t drive right now – and I can’t do a lot of walking because it’ll make my side start hurting. Also, I never would have expected to be able to feel my ovaries. But if that pain I have really is the pain of/from/around my ovaries, the pain can [for me] easily be described as feeling as though they are literally pushing themselves out of you PLUS your stomach is trying to be born, and that’s gonna fall out during some labor process that’s really just your insides. Sounds gross, but feels worse.
But the stereotype for people who are pale (especially during the summer) is that they stay inside all summer long, hardly ever go out, are malnourished, etc., as if something is really wrong with being pale.
I like being pale.
I used to tan a lot, but then I burned one year really bad, and since I’ve continued to burn. Being allergic to a lot of things means it takes a lot of trying sunblock-wise, and that gets expensive. I used a body wash by AVON that had a “glimmer glow”, which darkened me a bit, and I’ve used lotion that darkens your skin. Personally, the body wash worked the best. The sunblock I’m not allergic to was one by Neutrogena that they [unfortunately] permanently took off the market. When it was on the market, one 4 oz. tube/thing was about 9 dollars. You have to reapply ever so often, especially depending on the SPF and package instructions. Anything above 25SPF, and I burn. 15SPF is usually the way to go for me. If I don’t burn, my skin feels like it’s burning later.
For me to tan, it would take more time, money and pain. It’s easier for me to be pale, so I’ve learned to like it. After all, I had to like it in order for me to be okay with something I couldn’t control, such as my paleness.
This topic, though, is brought up with people all of the time. It’s really annoying having to tell the same reasons over and over again. I remember telling it to Bebe once – or anything related to my allergies – and my allergies always ended up being referred to as “not too big” because hives didn’t pop up all over my skin and/or it didn’t look too obvious.
They did, though. I don’t get acne like other people. If I use a product that has some ingredient in it I’m allergic to, the abnormalities in my face appearing to be scars from previous pimples and other blemishes are really just dots that come and go, staying for up to one year.
And if that doesn’t say anything about my allergies, Clinique and Proactive are both hypoallergenic products. I’m allergic to both. My body may be able to handle certain products for ___ amount of time, but before I know it, I’m allergic to it. It’s kind of like when you take allergy mediation during the cold & flu season and your body growing immune to the medication, only my condition is a bit obvious.
Still, it really annoys me when people try to make other problems out to be greater when both are rather similar in comparison. That’s like telling me, a germaphobic, about how people my age in other countries would be all over eating food another person touched/food that fell on the floor and labeling me as ungrateful because I refuse to eat it. It’s not my problem the house I grew up in was centered around filth and a man who “joked” about wiping his ass with his hands after using the restroom, galore.