There’s probably always going to be things in life that cause people to feel paranoid about such being used. I don’t refer to that as paranoia. I’ll let you judge me and my paranoia yourself after you learn about why I’m so paranoid.
My mom and lard always required to know my password for everything. There were, of course, some things I could get by with, but I was only able to because I sneaked around. I’d sometimes get in trouble because I sneaked around on various websites. I’ve come to conclusion that this was because they were so paranoid I’d tell people what all was going on. From this, I learned that it’s wrong for parents to restrict their kids from doing something because they’re afraid that their children will say something to get them into trouble.
I was asked this each time I went to my dad’s. When I had my own cell phone, my mom would call me whilst here and ask random questions, wanting to know all that was going on. It was frustrating, and I was always afraid that they’d put some tracking device in my phone like they had in the computers I used.
They could pop in and play with my mouse at any time. Basically, if I was writing something, looking up something emailing someone, they could have been watching and I never have known. It also came with a shut off time, which was a major pain when I had homework. “Sorry! No more playing online!” When this was installed, I was never allowed online unless one of them was on there. The only time (I guess) this came in handy was when I was in sixth grade and in a chat room created by my school for student use only. Somehow, some perv had gotten into the system and was asking highly personal questions about my body. My mom and lard butt in. But see, I was safe online then, and I still am now. It wasn’t my fault I was on a website that my school had created and approved for me, the student, and some creep found their way into it. -.- It still pisses me off that they’d even been watching, though, because it was more than enough proof to me that they had been watching. They didn’t trust me. They were so controlling, and I’m sure such is still true.
The light was never on, but when they’d leave and come back, they’d ask Isaac and I how each of us were. If we acted completely fine and said we’d both been good, lard would simply say that they had the web cam hooked up and knew everything that had went on. I don’t know if it was ever actually true, but when you’re brainwashed into thinking you don’t deserve to be happy, live, etc., you’ve no ability other than to believe said control freak because they persuade you into believing you’re weak.
This is why my laptop has about a half inch square of a yellow sticky Post-It note stuck over the web cam.
Behind closed doors
When we lived in Round Rock, we had an apartment with a room that was quite large and had the kind of door that would go on a front door. It was weird, actually, and it hooked up to the garage. I had my own computer in there. The door could be locked from the outside (I was on the outside, and I lacked a key) and the inside, and when I say it was practically a front door, I’m inferring that it had one of those peeping holes. I’d always cover it up with tape and construction paper or something, and my mom and lard would get pissed off at me. But I was scared that they’d watch me undress or dance or play or something. Ever so often, the door would always open, and one of them would tear off the paper and tape, look at me, and sternly say, “Not again.” Sometimes they even locked me in there, like it was a joke. During this time, I developed a fear of closed in spaces. Because of such, I’d really rather not take elevators, and in school I always had to sit near the door. Thankfully, teachers are usually understanding.
Because of these happenings, many of my nightmares are centered around something related to any of these things. And quite honestly, it really freaking sucks. 🙁
As a result
- I refuse to go anywhere without my phone working. This isn’t because I’m materialistic/stubborn/etc.; this is because I literally terrified of being stranded somewhere and no one even knowing/me lacking the ability to call for help. It terrifies me just having to think about it.
- I cannot walk alone anywhere. Sure, the store is fine. However, if I wanted to go for a walk, I can’t do that on my own.
- I don’t trust people at all, and those I do trust I don’t exactly trust with everything.
- I am highly against tracking devices in pets and people, like those micro chip things.
The list is larger, but I’m not listing out my personal fears for personal reasons. (Hi, lard. Hi, mom.)