It’s pretty outside. Or maybe it’s not – a hint of sunlight is shining through the window. I would love to break down the sheet curtain, but my mom would not like that – and I would regret it – because it would get too hot too quickly. But it’s nice, you know? It’s really nice to see some sunlight shining into this bedroom because it’s so hard to get it anywhere else in this house.
And now it’s dark, but it naturally became that way. Slowly it is becoming brighter again. It’s pretty.
Carrie and I have been sharing a room, and it’s a mess with all of her toys. I think I am going to clean it today, because I am so sick of living in such a pig sty.
Since yesterday I suppose I have been alright. I wouldn’t say I’ve been “fine”, but I also wouldn’t say I’ve been “okay”, either. I still feel like I can’t do anything right, and they (my mom, Lard, Isaac) just wonder and wonder why I don’t want to come out of this room. Maybe it’s because of how I am treated when I do come out. I mean, Isaac does nothing but get mad at every little thing I say and do – and he’s merely my fourteen year old brother. I feel like he hates me, and I haven’t a clue as to what I did to make him feel this way and/or treat me like this. I don’t think anyone understands exactly how hurtful it is to be treated like this, and anytime I try to explain to my mom I feel as if she’s just irritated.
And I just want to cry and cry and cry and cry and cry.
It isn’t fair.
Ugh. I feel sick. I really do think I’ve developed a nut allergy and that I need to stay away from anything related, because each time I eat something with them now, I get all itchy. 🙁
…Or I just feel sick.