It’s pretty outside. Or maybe it’s not – a hint of sunlight is shining through the window. I would love to break down the sheet curtain, but my mom would not like that – and I would regret it – because it would get too hot too quickly. But it’s nice, you know? It’s really nice to see some sunlight shining into this bedroom because it’s so hard to get it anywhere else in this house.

And now it’s dark, but it naturally became that way. Slowly it is becoming brighter again. It’s pretty.

Carrie and I have been sharing a room, and it’s a mess with all of her toys. I think I am going to clean it today, because I am so sick of living in such a pig sty.

Since yesterday I suppose I have been alright. I wouldn’t say I’ve been “fine”, but I also wouldn’t say I’ve been “okay”, either. I still feel like I can’t do anything right, and they (my mom, Lard, Isaac) just wonder and wonder why I don’t want to come out of this room. Maybe it’s because of how I am treated when I do come out. I mean, Isaac does nothing but get mad at every little thing I say and do – and he’s merely my fourteen year old brother. I feel like he hates me, and I haven’t a clue as to what I did to make him feel this way and/or treat me like this. I don’t think anyone understands exactly how hurtful it is to be treated like this, and anytime I try to explain to my mom I feel as if she’s just irritated.

And I just want to cry and cry and cry and cry and cry.

It’s hurting me, and it’s making me even more depressed – which I think is all a big thanks to the pill.

It isn’t fair.

Ugh. I feel sick. I really do think I’ve developed a nut allergy and that I need to stay away from anything related, because each time I eat something with them now, I get all itchy. 🙁

…Or I just feel sick.

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Comments on this post

Cat’s gravatar

I’m sorry that your family is treating you that way =/ It is hard when you feel like someone hates you. That sucks about the nut allergy too. I feel itchy when I eat certain fruits, so I’ve learned to stay away from them. I hope you feel better soon!

Liz’s gravatar

@Cat, It’s alright… I’m ignoring him, and we get along whenever I do something he wants me to do. But blah. He gets worse everyday. 🙁 It’s horrible.

Dipika’s gravatar

I am glad that it is nice outside…we have been getting some warm days too but it gets really hot at night and I can’t sleep T_T

I used to share my room with my sis too…luckily we didn’t make a bad mess and so we were comfortable with each others stuff. But I can imagine because I live with a roomie now and if she makes a mess that I can’t stand I do end up cleaning it.

Aww I think regarding your little brother I think that is a rebellious age, also he probably thinks it is cool to not hangout or be around you. Just the other day I was reading a similar discussion on one of the forums that I frequent and all the guys were telling the girl that it is just a phase and he doesn’t really hate you. Maybe just looking past him would be best for now.

I read the post regarding those pills and it does sound like a horrible experience. I have never been on one and I don’t plan to any time soon. I think it just messed with your body and doing so is not going to yield any pretty results. I hope you get better from the side-effects soon!

Hmm allergies are a pain…I don’t have significant ones, but I have heard that nut allergy can be deadly. If you think you have it, it would be best to stay away from it.

Hugs Feel better soon 🙂

Mandie’s gravatar

Aww damn, definitely doesn’t sound like a good time at all… Little brothers are hard to deal with. I have one. Though he’s more like you- stays in his room for long periods of time… I can’t do that, I LOVE being surrounded by people because I need social conversation. I can only stay online for so long without seeing ‘real’ people, and speaking to them. I really hope you start feeling better. Are you still taking the pill or have you at least stopped that? If you’ve stopped taking it, do you feel initially better?

Liz’s gravatar

@Mandie, Things are actually better now, though. :3

Also, I’m sort of depressed, feeling really horrid, etc.

Actually, I’m now dealing with pain on my right side once again. It sucks really, really bad. 🙁

Thank you for your concerns, though.