Promises

In the “old days” of blogging, people apologized for not posting. Er, I did. When I see it now, I don’t understand the point… I don’t owe it to anyone1 to blog, and if I apologize, chances of me actually posting when I say I will post are extremely slim, because it’s an empty promise.

Offline, I despise making promises even more, because I’m often pushed into those things, meaning I didn’t have much say—it was practically a requirement to avoid some sort of lecture revolving around me not promising whatever it was I was supposed to promise. It’s empty, and it’s not fair of someone else to request me to promise blank, because sometimes I have other things planned that aren’t going to work with that promise—I’m going to be doing something else, because I’ve spent a year or however long planning it out, and I’m going to be putting my energy into that to make it work, and I won’t be able to focus on the promise I made to someone.

And if I’m held accountable for breaking that promise? If you back me into a corner and don’t give me another exit, I’m going to say whatever I can to freaking please you just so I can hopefully find an exit in the conversation, especially if you and I believe in two different things that are polar opposites of each other.

I don’t want to be expected to please people. I don’t live/do things to please others; I need to be good enough for me.

  1. Except for Nutrasumma and SMGF at the time of writing this, but that’s not for 6birds.

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Comments on this post

Agent Q’s gravatar

The way I see it, people typically make courtesy apology without much substantial promise. Now I’ve also seen those who do meet the end of their bargain and actually hold themselves accountable now that they promised the public. That being the case, I think of promises as a promise to myself. When I make them to others, I’m essentially assigning them to hold me accountable. On the surface, it’s necessary to maintain trust by practicing what we preach. When I look deeper, it’s a good way of testing our sense of responsibility.

That being the case, I don’t make promises I don’t intend to keep. Being selective helps. I tell myself to commit less, wisely.

Kristine’s gravatar

I agree with this post 100%. For the longest time, I tried to please others, but that only lead to my unhappiness. I learned the hard way that I come first. I need to be good to myself first before I’m good to anyone else.

Jenn’s gravatar

“I need to be good enough for me.” You could have dropped the mic and walked away righht then and there. Seriously. I do sometimes apologize for not blogging as often as I intend to, but that’s only if I first make the promise to blog more, but then fail to do that. /cookie

Coryl’s gravatar

This this this this! I couldn’t agree more.

I only apologise when my posts are late, since I do maintain a schedule (otherwise, I wouldn’t blog, or my blog posts would turn into a public diary; neither of those things are desirable to me).

I hate when people make me promise something. I’m lucky to be upfront enough to tell them I won’t promise unless I know I’ll be able to follow through. They usually persist, but I’m firm enough to tell them no. The same applies to when someone asks me for a favour. The conversation usually goes like this: “Hey Coryl, can you do me a favour?” I reply, “Depends what it is.” Once they tell me what they’d like me to do, then I reply whether or not I can do it for them.

I’m not going to commit to something I know I won’t be able to see through to the end. There’s an even smaller chance I’ll do it if it doesn’t benefit me, or if I simply don’t want to do it.

Christine’s gravatar

I used to have a lot of problems with promising to do things for others. I would completely over-extend myself and become resentful of the person I made the promise to in the first place. It was really a pretty evil cycle. Like you, I’ve stopped apologizing for certain things and am still learning to say no and put ME first. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary!

Crystal’s gravatar

I’ve only made two promises in my life. On my wedding day, and the day I adopted my son. Everyone else will have to wait and see how I feel. I’m selfish. xD;

Michelle’s gravatar

I was a complete people pleaser and to some extent some habits are hard to break, honestly, but now I know where to put up my boundaries and say no. I’ve done it a few times and I couldn’t be more thrilled, but I always have to make sure that I check with myself if that is okay.

I make promises, but had a hard time keeping them due to my mental illness. There is a long story in that, but I’ll spare you. Still, I’m doing better. I think promises are okay, as long as they are realistic and something you intend to keep.

[…] tired of being cornered into making promises to please people. I don’t have to do anything because you’re ___, because I am an […]