Pushing my Buttons

There was a huge storm today, especially on my way to work. The fact that I was having suicidal thoughts weeks ago and considering just driving off the road altogether definitely does not make this any better. And then I hydroplaned off the road. My anxiety is extremely bad. I feel like (once again) no one really understands and/or is able to. I mean, it’s like I am in this fixed state of not being able to ever get any better! The psychiatrist from the clinic is not going to prescribe any sort of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication until June 14 of this year – the date of my first appointment. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I need to go to the clinic my doctor is at and see if she can somehow prescribe me something that will help, because I can’t rely on myself anymore.

 

With this being said, I will be handing in my resignation letter to whomever is supposed to/available to sort of … ‘consume it’ at the time on Thursday, whenever I am scheduled to go in.

 

I was going to write said letter a few weeks ago, but then Mimi had said that I can’t go without a job. I can for a few weeks – and besides, I’ve already gotten one of my feet in the Employment door. I will keep you all updated. Just know that things really are this bad. It’s really, really, REALLY crazy and insane hence why I am doing this. Granted, they are probably going to be sour toward me (well, that is my fear, at least). But I am going on to bigger and better things … after my health is better.

 

I’m not too fond about putting much attention on my health, though – that I will admit. However, I don’t know how much more I can handle as far as people telling me what I’m doing wrong with my life. I really just want to live it to the fullest that I can. 🙁 It’s really frustrating when people tell me things I already know – and say they’ll make my anxiety worse – like I don’t already know this! They don’t understand that they are making my anxiety much worse by just nagging me about said things. Sometimes I just want peace and quiet; to relax and not have to worry about anything. And then some people want to talk about it – knowing that I dislike talking about those things most of the time – which really frustrates me because I don’t wanna talk about it and they usually push.

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Comments on this post

Stephanie’s gravatar

I believe that the federal government has a temporary disability program that you can enroll in. It was set up for people like you who need a break from working for medical (and psychological) issues. If you do choose to look into it, I hope that it’s not too much of a headache!

I hope that you get some time to yourself soon, and I hope that you’ll get better with some time to yourself.

Liz’s gravatar

I Googled it on my phone, which wasn’t very much help. It would be nice, though, if I could somehow qualify for that. Being around people too much often makes me depressed like this, and work is just causing hit after hit/wave after wave to keep coming down on me.

[…] in all, the process of handing my two-week notice to A in Human Resources/Personnel went much smoother than I’d expected. There are always all […]