Pushing my Buttons
There was a huge storm today, especially on my way to work. The fact that I was having suicidal thoughts weeks ago and considering just driving off the road altogether definitely does not make this any better. And then I hydroplaned off the road. My anxiety is extremely bad. I feel like (once again) no one really understands and/or is able to. I mean, it’s like I am in this fixed state of not being able to ever get any better! The psychiatrist from the clinic is not going to prescribe any sort of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication until June 14 of this year – the date of my first appointment. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I need to go to the clinic my doctor is at and see if she can somehow prescribe me something that will help, because I can’t rely on myself anymore.
With this being said, I will be handing in my resignation letter to whomever is supposed to/available to sort of … ‘consume it’ at the time on Thursday, whenever I am scheduled to go in.
I was going to write said letter a few weeks ago, but then Mimi had said that I can’t go without a job. I can for a few weeks – and besides, I’ve already gotten one of my feet in the Employment door. I will keep you all updated. Just know that things really are this bad. It’s really, really, REALLY crazy and insane hence why I am doing this. Granted, they are probably going to be sour toward me (well, that is my fear, at least). But I am going on to bigger and better things … after my health is better.
I’m not too fond about putting much attention on my health, though – that I will admit. However, I don’t know how much more I can handle as far as people telling me what I’m doing wrong with my life. I really just want to live it to the fullest that I can. 🙁 It’s really frustrating when people tell me things I already know – and say they’ll make my anxiety worse – like I don’t already know this! They don’t understand that they are making my anxiety much worse by just nagging me about said things. Sometimes I just want peace and quiet; to relax and not have to worry about anything. And then some people want to talk about it – knowing that I dislike talking about those things most of the time – which really frustrates me because I don’t wanna talk about it and they usually push.