Rhinoceros

Lately I’ve been considering deactivating my Facebook, deleting my Twitter, deleting my email accounts, removing myself from all message board communities – anything to get away from social media. I feel too connected. I feel like I have plastered my name to however many Internet billboards I can freaking plaster myself to. Unfortunately, deactivating my stupid Facebook would create too much drama, my Twitter account is attached to many website applications I love and/or use, I need my email accounts for various things, and some message board communities I need to stay on (like the TCG stuff).

Maybe I need to read a book (I recently purchased two new books), watch that those two movies I bought (still, with The Princess Bride, ugh) or maybe even go shopping for some new clothes (I hate shopping, but last time it worked). This whole having to move thing might actually help me as far as cleaning out all my old junk goes. I’m gonna be selling some of my crap on eBay (because it’s probably never been used and/or I don’t know how else to get rid of it).

Maybe it’s because my current immediate family has literally turned me into this emotional wreck, and I keep talking about feelings – and let’s just say ihateit.

Wanna know a secret? I don’t like it when people know me too well because it makes me feel weak. Talking about my feelings and thoughts and emotions and being emotional makes me feel weak and like I am weak, and I just can’t be weak. This whole uncensored boat was a mistake and piece of crap, because I like staying to myself. I don’t enjoy getting all emotional and whatnot. I don’t want you to know me too well, even though I blog. I don’t want to feel too connected to you. It shouldn’t be taken rudely and/or as an insult, but I don’t want you – or anyone, really – to see my flaws.

I’m not saying I don’t have them, but I have gotten way too mushy gushy for my liking, and it is disgusting me.

I got put back on birth control a month ago to control my cysts. So far, I’m having cravings (for chocolate, seriously? EW.), nausea, sleeping troubles (I’m sure the energy drink mix I have been drinking without thinking1 hasn’t at all been helping) and acne (not so much on my face, but on my shoulders, shoulder blades, etc.). I don’t know if sneezing counts as a side effect or not, but after I take it, I’m constantly sneezing for like two hours, and then throughout the day. I haven’t even been around flowers or anything, and it’s quite annoying.

Onto other news, I’m looking for a pen pal to write snail mail letters to consistently. I had one in the armed forces, but we lost touch (to put it nicely), and I worry too much to actually contact anyone who knows (or knew…) him to actually ask whether he is okay.

  1. To be honest, I thought it was just an advertising thing on the dang package, and it turns out it wasn’t…

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Comments on this post

Stephanie’s gravatar

Well, what’s done has been done, and cannot be undone. Everyone who read your entries, including me, know quite a bit about you. But you can rest assured that I won’t tell anyone and I doubt that the others would too.

Out of curiosity, is there any possibility that you could just live with your dad’s family instead? You are an adult, so even if your mom got custody when they divorced/separated, the courts cannot rule that you stay with your mom’s family.

I hope that you make Hawaii happen soon! You can do it! And then you’ll feel awesome!

Liza’s gravatar
  • Hawaii would have to be more of a vacation now, which still, would be pretty darn awesome.
  • I live with my grandmother, but my mom always finds a way to get into my personal life.
  • I’m exactly like my dad. I’d rather not live with my parents. To be honest, I’m enjoying being away from kids. P: My mom hasn’t had custody of me since 2007. 🙂
  • D: Yeah, I got a lot of traffic when I got personal, too.
Liv’s gravatar

I’m all for the deactivating Facebook. It’s probably my favorite thing to do on there. Then I lose contact with the people I need to be in contact with and I end up having to reactivate. Many times I’ve gotten bored with social media and the internet in general – now and then I feel blogging is boring. The best thing to do is get away from it. I’ve gotten sick of the computer too and after watching a 3 hour movie I feel much better. Go read a book!

I too don’t want people to know me too well. It’s my business not yours (not you, in particular). That’s why I very so rarely write about myself on my blog, and I never share photos on Facebook, and I don’t tell people about my day. It’s not exactly talking about my feelings but it’s the basis that I don’t want people to know my personal life.

Are you saying you hate chocolate? If you are, come and give me a high five. Not a virtual one, seriously.

Hyeoni’s gravatar

Hi there Liza!
You sound like my friend. Lol, she would delete accounts and then open new ones because she feels too vulnerable and wants to disappear for a while. And you sound a bit depressed. Maybe something new will help, like you said reading is a great distraction. I actually love moving because it forces you to clean out your stuff, so I think that will help a lot and hope it will! 🙂
If you feel vulnerable don’t write things too personal, but then in the end who cares what others think? 😀
Or maybe you can use this blog to write about something that interests you, or write things that are more positive about your life? So that you don’t feel people will use it against you? I don’t know just throwing things out there. I keep my blog/twitter hidden from people from real life, except select few, because I feel its too awkward right now. >_<

I'm sorry to hear about your birth control side effects…
Hope it wanes soon. 🙁

Liza’s gravatar

I suppose I could work on my money-saver site thing? :3

Caity’s gravatar

A lot of people I know have been disconnecting themselves from social media lately for various reasons. It can be all too much sometimes.

What I tell some people who feel that they cannot disconnect for whatever reasons – Remember that you can always take a break. Nothing stops you from not logging on to those sites for a while and not using them for however long you feel like it. Just disconnect yourself.

hugs