I was taught to stand up and fight for what I believe in.
I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason.
I don’t believe that there is a person for everyone on this planet.
I don’t believe that people should be treated differently because of their sexual orientation; I believe that people should receive equal rights, because we are part of the same species.
I don’t believe that college or university is for everyone. That doesn’t mean that I believe a career in the armed forces should be obtained, either. Some people just aren’t meant to go to college.
I don’t believe that we respect others’ beliefs.
And that’s starting to really hurt me, because I do. I do. Granted, I won’t respect your belief that people who are mentally ill should be in a psych ward, but as long as you’re not ignorant, I will. Friends or family or not.
It sticks with me: the judging, the insults, the ignorance. Although I forgive, I don’t forget. My head is a cage. All of the horrible things people have said and done to me replay over and over again. I remember the bad more than I remember the good.
Family hasn’t really apologized for humiliating me or treating me like a crazy person, if “crazy” actually even exists anymore. They haven’t apologized for calling me crazy, abnormal or “wrong in the head”.
I kind of lack offline friends because they all turned ignorant. I started seeing everyone’s true colors when I noticed they were treating me like the Devil’s daughter or as if I have leprosy.
Online friends who insulted me and put me down still have yet to apologize, but I feel like they don’t even remember. I remember. I don’t know why I still read and comment their blogs back since they kind of slowly crept in and started reading and commenting my posts again even though it still really aches me to do that. One apologized for tweeting about how I need to be in a psychiatric ward, but I don’t feel like she really understands it.
I don’t hold grudges, but forgiving doesn’t take away the pain. All of it hurts me, because it makes me feel as if I can’t really go to many people for help. I know two people who won’t and don’t mind if I email them a rant or for advice or because I’m crying and I just want to stop. I consider them my “bestest” friends on here. Because that’s what bloggers do: We help each other. We’re supposed to be there for each other, not shun one of our own out because they’re having difficulties living up to some stupid expectation.
If someone worked really hard on a design and likes a kink about it that you dislike or find to be wrong, hush. I dislike saying “shut up”, so hush. Someone I admired at the time it happened told me that my comments text box went off into the sidebar on their computer, but I had worked hard on it, and I didn’t want to fix it just for that one person. I said that I liked it that way, and they told me, in detail, why it was wrong and why I should be ashamed of myself. And then I changed it after a while to another theme. Because that really hurt, and I was so embarrassed by it just from what someone I looked up to said. And he never apologized.
And, as members of the human race, we’re supposed to do that, too. We’re not supposed to stab each other in the back or tell them that they’re wrong for believing or feeling something different from what we do.
Unfortunately, we inadvertently reject others for what they feel, think and believe. All I can do is try not to do that [provided zero ignorance is involved]1 and hope that others do the same.
It really hurts to have ever been treated this way from the people I expected more from, and I have stayed quiet about it for a really long time. But it hurts, and the pain has been coming back for weeks. And now it’s here.
- I have a zero tolerance policy for ignorance. Consider this the first part of it. ↩