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I’m a blogger. Every public post on my blog and anywhere else online is me sharing a part of my life publicly. I didn’t realize how different that was from what people who don’t blog do until yesterday when Grandmama mentioned how people are so public with their lives these days; so here I am, ever since, wondering if maybe I share too much. Sure, they post parts of their lives on Facebook and on other places, but do they do that in such an intimate way like blogging is? Maybe we’re like celebrities and the paparazzi. We’re blogging and reading each others’ blogs. And to us, sharing bits of our lives is easy and normal for us.
Of course, the people who often read our blogs and don’t blog themselves often have a difficult time understanding that we don’t always share everything. I don’t share everything. Some things I want to share aren’t things I can write about in so many words. Some things I start to write about only to find that five minutes later it’s old news and something even better to write and post has come along. Or maybe it’s just old news.
Part of me writes about my life because I feel this need for it. I almost lust to tell everyone that I can about what happened to me, but I don’t want to write about it publicly just because I want to make a point for myself personally. I want to make a point for myself and others so it can reach them personally. I just want to make a stand. I’ve been hushed to keep it quiet my entire life. It’s just so exhausting continuously having to keep it a secret. I can’t even debate with someone about something similar without somehow being hushed. How is being hushed in the present different from being hushed in the past? It’s not.
Another part of me fears I’ll give the impression that I’m milking it if I talk about it too much, so I don’t always talk about it. I don’t want people to look at my blog and just think, “This is the girl who was abused. It’s all she talks about.” I mean, I get that enough from family. It’s also the part of me that doesn’t want to share all of the mental health mess.
I don’t share as much about my personal life as so many think and assume. Just because it’s not on my blog doesn’t mean it’s not true. 6birds is a blog, not a bible to understanding me.
Back to what I mentioned before… I had posted something on Facebook. You’ll have to send in the form for me to make an account for you so you can login to my blog and see what it said. Unless we’re strangers, I’ll most likely make you an account. I just decided to do protected posts differently from before since IP addresses change.
Aside from comforting friends, two other people talked with me about that post. I was asked where I’ll be moving in the northeast and why. Sure, it’s just curiosity, but not everything has a reason. Even if it did, why does “why” have to be so demanding? Why do people have to compare me to songs I attached as a playlist? Why can’t I just be seen as myself instead of something with so many strings attached? I’m not a fucking puppet. Just because I post a song doesn’t mean that I’m going to live by it. Songs express feelings and emotions. They don’t necessarily describe me as a whole.
People shouldn’t read into things so much when I’m involved. Seriously.
Notice my Sixx:AM reference?