Slice of July 2017

(I’ll edit in an image later.)

Just before writing this, I was:

Sleeping.

This past month:

I scratched Under the Dome and Blue Dahlia (#1) until I can commit to the overwhelm of having so many books under my “Currently Reading” shelf on Goodreads. I’m picky and prefer to have only what I can handle there, but I’m such a moody reader. I may scratch Under the Dome altogether; it’s too long and I did watch the show — but I wanted to read it because the show was confusing, like Lost, which I also gave up on.

I reorganized some of my archives. I’m still working on them, but I don’t wish to keep old posts private forever; I just need to edit some things to protect my siblings, and a few I’m taking out for 1) when they’re out of potential harm’s way and 2) in the event of potential publication elsewhere (that memoir I’ve failed to mention lately, for example).

I’ve also realized in the last year and come to the conclusion that, while I was abused, I’ve exhausted myself talking about it; the posts just raise questions. But it’s funny, because it’s this second-nature experience to me and will always be there, and my personality today is predicated upon everything I’ve experienced, but I’m so over it being a key identifier to who I presumably am: some fragile girl in a frilly dress, white socks with lace tops, shiny black flat shoes, and bows in my curly hair—the flawless image of innocence.

It’s amazing, getting to watch myself grow up via my blog entries and all that jazz.~

This past month, I learned:

  • I can make bean-and-cheese enchiladas with refried black beans (blended ’em myself!), white corn tortillas, and Tostitos nacho cheese dip. 😏 Totally worth it. 😉
  • I love fictional psychological thrillers, because they’re mind-teasers and challenge me to think differently and at different angles, and I usually feel a good kind of different after exiting them.
  • How to use Reddit — like, actually use it. It’s where I’ve been hanging out lately. I found a community wherein I feel like these people actually get me. ❤ (Clue: the romantic relationship memes are #actuallyrelatable.)

This past month, I grew bored of:

But that’s OK, ’cause I enjoyed:

  • Reading The Marriage Pact
  • I found some Pilates moves I can do while I’m reading so I’m not constantly sitting — it’s just legwork and leg stretches, but they are starting to feel lighter, and the movement is helping with my sleep apnea. 💪❤
  • A free trial to Pandora’s plan thing

Today, something that made me happy was:

Sleeping! Took away some anxiety. Also, I shaved in my midnight shower, so my legs are smooth. It’s one of the BEST feelings. ❤

Today, something I could’ve done better was:

Read A Name Unknown. I’m struggling to get into it. 😒

Tomorrow, I’m going to:

Help Charlise with stuff.

In August, I’m gonna make the positive change of:

  • Queueing my book review posts for Mondays.
  • Talking to friends more. I really failed this month, but my carpal tunnel syndrome made it difficult for me to do a lot of things beyond using my phone, like drinking from a plastic glass and folding my laundry. I only watched so many movies and shows because it was on the laptop (so not on my phone), and Gmama had surgery; I watch stuff when I do laundry and eat. 😊

One thing on my to-do list is:

Learn how to make a bow bun.

Me, attempting a bun bow for the millionth time this year: Fine, I’ll go find help.
Me: I have to do images because I’m HoH, and also, beauty bloggers talk too much.
Me, viewing image after image: Fuck this isn’t working
Me, attempting while watching a video: What TF kind of sorcery is this anyways
Me: YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT CARE ANYMORE
Me: I just wanted to look cute. I just wanted a new way to feel cute. I JUST WANTED TO BE TOO CUTE TO NOT NOTICE.

I mean, yeah. I can’t wear much jewelry or makeup without welcoming allergens, so I have to be inventive and creative if I want to show off my girly side. I have a headband with a side bow, but 1) I’m not big on headbands, and 2) people thought I was even YOUNGER, or that I was dressing immaturely, and I didn’t want to deal with the backlash anymore.

One pleasant photo from this past month:

After this post, I’m gonna:

Take out the trash and recycle ’cause tomorrow’s the day.

  1. If I picture him as Shane McCutcheon, it’s at least somewhat bearable, though my brain keeps telling me he looks nothing like her.

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