The Double Standard

There’s a double standard with me and Bri. I’m not sure if this was realized last year or this year, but it was whenever she stated, “Because having boys over can get you into dangerous situations, and you don’t need that,” after I asked why it was such a big deal to people. When she had an apartment, she’d have a boy over, or she would go to his place.

Yet, it wasn’t considered dangerous for her — “I’m careful enough to not get into that situation.”

My mom had me at seventeen. I’m twenty-two, and last year I was twenty-one, so getting pregnant at sixteen was obviously never in the cards for me. And, for the record, I read about some study about how kids of teen parents are less likely to become teen parents because they know the troubles. Thus, getting pregnant at sixteen was probably never in the cards for me to begin with. Aside from that, becoming a teen parent, or having a child out of wedlock, isn’t the worst thing that could ever happen to me, or anyone.

For a while, I shoved the conversation regarding this double standard out of my thoughts because I didn’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. However, it’s swam back up to shore, and it bothers me. It’s like me wearing short shorts and a tank top outside and telling me I can’t because it looks like I’m “asking” for guys’ attention, yet still letting the other girls in this side of the family wear those clothes without letting it be a big deal.

It reminds me of when I lived with my mom and lard and my sister was allowed to wear short shorts and little tank tops, but I had to change out of my Soffe shorts and longish, comfortable shirt because they were “too short”.1 Sure, she’s a little girl, but even when I was an adult, I still received the same treatment.2

Somewhere on this blog I’ve mentioned that it’s a confidence and self-esteem booster for me when I wear short shorts. It really depends on whatever makes me feel really comfortable on that day, though. I guess it’s the same way I don’t find people wearing pajamas to a community college3 to be too big of a deal; I did it a few times because on those days, I’d much rather be comfortable at school than be uncomfortable and feel stiff.

It’s like the Amanda Todd story and girl — “I can’t believe her life was that bad; people should have listened when she was depressed.” When people find out I’m depressed/have wanted to kill myself, they patronize me.

The point is that there is a double standard, and it’s annoying because it’s set under the impression and assumption that I’m going to do something they don’t want — and no matter what I say, they won’t believe me after. It’s ridiculous because I hardly ever allow people to really get to know me; even with family I have walls. Therefore, they don’t have adequate information to judge me appropriately and like they already are. When it all boils down, my family literally has no clue as to who I am.

In all honesty, only Todd knows me completely.

  1. Really, though, normal fathers (like my dad) and stepfathers don’t look up their daughters/stepdaughters shorts.
  2. I’m aware it had to do with lard being a pervert, but still.
  3. I’m not sure if they do it at universities.

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Comments on this post

Hiro’s gravatar

It just seems like Bri considers herself “mature enough” to “not get into those situations,” but doesn’t consider you to have the same maturity or decision making skills. Which is pretty unfair, given, as you said, she doesn’t really know you as well as she probably thinks she does.

And I agree about how people just look at you and patronize you when they realize you’re depressed. “God will solve your problems.” “It’s not THAT bad. You need to snap out of it.” “There are people in such worse situations from you.” Hardly ever helpful. Just makes everything worse. :/ And then they wonder why people went so far, when if you don’t get to that point, you’re just looking for attention.

Hiro’s gravatar

(PS: Yes- we DO wear PJs to universities. 😛 I used to literally roll out of bed 10 minutes before class and get there with sweats over my PJs….)

Cassie’s gravatar

It’s funny (not haha funny) because there’s a double standard here as well (well at my university anyways). If the sorority type girls throw on a hoodie and leggings they’re still “pretty” and cool.” But if someone else does it she gets stared at for daring to look so “hideous.”

Liz’s gravatar

Exactly! No one really ever delves into a situation in an attempt to really see what’s going on unless something serious happens — it’s a lot like the saying, “You don’t know what you take for granted until it’s gone.”

Ugh. She’s also seven months younger than me.

Hiro’s gravatar

Oh. WELL THEN…. o_O I mean…. I’ve had a guy over at my house since I was in high school….????

Liz’s gravatar

I just think it’s ridiculous that someone who is seven months younger than me feels as if they have the right to tell me I lack the ability to keep myself out of harm’s way, etc.

o.o Months, not years, Hiro. xDD

Robin’s gravatar

I think Bri’s comments were unfair. You’re going to date, and you’re going to get into a serious relationship with someone. You’re going to have to have someone over eventually.

Somebody said something similar to me once – she basically told me, when I was twenty years old, that I was not yet old to handle a serious relationship. Yet she was only one year older, and had been with her boyfriend for over a year – meaning that she was also twenty when they got together.

(And he ended up leaving her for one of her best friends, from what I hear.)

Ffion’s gravatar

You’re twenty-two, I think people should be cutting you some slack. Just because you’re dating doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll get pregnant if you’re taking necessary precautions… -_-

A friend’s mother also had her when she was 19 I think, and though I’m glad I’ve not got kids yet, those two have a wonderfully close relationship, so I agree, it’s not the worst that can happen 🙂

People are so opinionated… I don’t get why they can’t keep their noses out of things that really aren’t their business… especially when they’re fine ones to talk.

Robin’s gravatar

“People are so opinionated… I don’t get why they can’t keep their noses out of things that really aren’t their business… especially when they’re fine ones to talk.” <– Amen to this. I think some people are bored and unhappy with their own lives, so they feel the need to get into other people's business.

Chester’s gravatar

This is quite sad to know. But maybe, the family has just to be open minded that we are living in a completely different world (and society) than before. It doesn’t necessarily mean that what had happened to them ( or to anyone in general) will also happen to you. Of course, you already can make your own decisions at your age and I’m pretty sure they’re made out not to hurt you in any way.

Also, with the skirt issue. God, can people just move on. IT IS ALREADY EFFIN 2014 IN LESS THAN 10 DAYS. WAKE UP!

Anyway, have a happy holidays Liz! ^^;

Amanda’s gravatar

Urgh don’t even get me started on double standards and the idea that if you’re dressed a certain way, you’re “asking for it”, etc. It’s like victim blaming as well — which is too commonplace — and how it’s disgusting that if a girl is attacked because she was dressed a certain way, then, god forbid because all men mustn’t be able to control their urges and women shouldn’t tempt them! Albeit on a lesser and less detectable scale in most instances…

Btw, I’ve read a lot of studies on this topic and unfortunately most of them say that, whilst many children who were born to teenage mothers divert in the opposite direction in life because they know of the hardships, it is actually statistically more likely for them to also have teenage pregnancies.

Joy’s gravatar

The double standard always bothered me. If you have one set rule, sure, I’ll follow it. I won’t like it but I’ll obey but when someone else is the exception, it ticks me off.

Also, to answer your question: Yes! My husband does read my blog lol. When he read what I wrote, he swore he has just learned the secrets of the world. I guess I have to learn how to properly communicate my feelings.

Also, if you want a Christmas card, I’ll send it! Just let me know! You don’t have to give one in return =)