Starting anew (or not)
I’ve had a public blog since 2010. I was a month shy of my nineteenth birthday, so adulthood was just beginning. I come from a sheltered childhood full of what you’d find in a Lifetime movie on one of their horror marathons, if all the movies shown in that marathon were one together.
My old posts portrayed this lifestyle well, but now I’m a few hours away from the toxic influences previously investing stock in and over my life.
Sometimes, you just gotta start anew—despite stuff being “forever on the “Internet”.
Edit (updated 10/30/2017):
I made the decision to begin my blog anew late 2012. However, I realized how important my story and voice is in 2017 after watching an episode of Degrassi: Next Class, and began Project Exportia to import blog posts from my archive into janepedia.com, “the encyclopedia of Jane Lawson”. My blog is a blog, but much of its formatting is inspired by that of Wikipedia in terms of linking relevant anchor text (such as years) to existing links within this blog.
As someone who has starting blogging circa fifth/sixth grade and has used the internet for longer, I understand nothing online is ever truly gone. I tried to do this with my story, while still reiterating the importance of it, because I felt ashamed that I had been so weak and didn’t want to give my weakness to the very people who made me so. In doing so, I learned hiding this from myself only added to my baggage and damage, and only fueled my abusive guardians and helped them to justify that I had been a “bad girl” who just needed to be punished for being born.
By hiding from my past and hiding my past from others, I fueled my PTSD and depression and abusers’ power over me while invalidating my experiences. I’ve battled myself for as long as I can remember, but I became my own enemy by denying the very thing that most helped me heal: writing and sharing my story.