Suicide.

It’s just because the whole day runs through your head.

Continuously.

Stopping the thoughts is rather pointless because they always come back.

Always.

You’re in your own jail with no way out; with no point to continue to try.

If you speak your mind, you’re deemed as crazy.

So it feels as though all hope is lost.

Because if you lack the comforting feeling of your sanity, what else is there?

dreaming::hoping as doing::having

A person can hope for anything whether they actually have hope or not. To have hope is to have a feeling of hope. When you lack that feeling, you lack hope. When you lack hope, what is there anymore?

Humans need attention be it love, affection or even the time of day. It doesn’t make them narcissistic for needing it – or wanting it, for that matter; it makes them human.

It’s okay for people to want attention, but it’s not okay for others to judge those seeking attention because they lack the knowledge of the background story.

Those who are malnourished in the attention department suffer and lose hope.

When all hope is lost, there is no point in fighting anymore.

What people don’t understand is that suicide isn’t about being crazy and/or selfish.

It’s about feeling so horrible and pointless that energy cannot build you up anymore.

It’s about wanting a way out but not having a way out because there is no hope.

People on the outside need to consider and wonder what could have happened that made someone try/succeed a suicide attempt. Those who consider it and don’t commit it don’t ever forget the thoughts of what the aftermath could/would be.

For me, it was:

  • Would my mom care?
  • What would people find out about me?
  • The world would still turn.
  • I’m not needed.
  • He finally won’t be able to yell at me anymore.
  • Maybe she’ll finally realize I’ve been telling the truth.
  • They just think I’m crazy anyway.
  • They’d finally care. People always care when it’s too late.
  • Who would be at my funeral?

…several thoughts later…

  • Who would find the body?

No matter how suicide happens, who would find it?

And then I wouldn’t want to just drive off the road.

You never know how long you’d be lost.

Because the people to know to try to look for you would assume you were kidnapped because they wouldn’t want to believe that you chose to do the unthinkable thing and commit to suicide.

Why die lost and stay lost?

[spoiler /A side note/ /Close/]

I’m not saying this recently happened; I just figured that [maybe] someone out there wanted to know why/the thought process/etc. to help them understand it a bit more. This one is just mine. I had a much better thought of it a few days ago in the shower, but I didn’t think I should actually write it down until now, when it has stuck in my head for a few days. I guess I’m supposed to write about it since I can’t get it out of my head.

I decided to post it because people consider it to be taboo when it happens everyday. Those who commit/succeed it are seen as cowards to too many people, even if it’s just one, or something worse. It’s ridiculous since those who call people who commit/succeed clearly have not experienced any such feeling to allow their minds to even begin to comprehend the complexity of the situation at hand.

Not going to get religious, but many Christians see suicide as a sin. If you ask me, a person who commits suicide is not mentally healthy/in their rind state of mind when they actually do it. If someone ever gets that far, I don’t think they’d care. It’s not their fault that they don’t care simply because they cannot control it their thought process when so much negativity is raining down on them and they’re having to carry the weight of their burdens on their shoulders. I think that’s my take on the whole thing because I’ve actually been there.

[/spoiler]

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Stephanie’s gravatar

And that’s why the people in this country (or possibly the whole world) need better education on mental health. I was also taught that suicide was a sin, and that if you’re depressed, it’s your own problem, and you just have to force yourself out of it. And when I met an actual person with mental health issues, my sweet and lovely college roommate, I learned that everything was all wrong.

I hope that I’m not preaching in this comment, but… I always felt that the Bible and many other religious documents are historical testaments in addition to moral lessons and should be updated with current research. But from what I can tell, Jesus and the Buddha got one thing very right, and that it’s important to be supportive and compassionate to other people so that you are their support when they’re in trouble, and so that they can become your support when you are in trouble. Why I hear more about “Christians” hating on abortion and gay people rather than doing good things for each other (on the news at least), I don’t know.

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