The Beat of My Heart

I came across an interesting blog. I really like the concept of it, but it’s also kind of not fair. I wasn’t expecting the “never trust a girl who” link to be a tag to more posts; I simply expected it to be one long list of “…girl who”‘s that guys should not go for. I’ve been single for three years. I also have bad luck when it comes to guys (and it’s so frustrating how much bad luck I have).

I believe in fairy tales, but to an extent. I believed in them when I was younger because it made love easier – it made it seem possible. But I still don’t really even know what it is. Call me rude, but I think that if a guy has to/cannot tolerate what I do in my worst/best/etc. hour(s), then he doesn’t deserve me.

I mean, yeah, I know it sounds stuck up, but seriously. I’ve been wronged by a parental figure and most of my exes, so I personally think and believe that I deserve a man who will treat me right.

I invented The Chase, as I call it. Chris was like a puppy, though, so it didn’t work on him. It’s neither a game nor a test; it’s more of a “watch”. It’s the period where I literally show my true self yet they still pester me with PDA or they don’t, or they invade my privacy by wanting to look through my phone/over my shoulder whilst I text message or they don’t. I guess it’s like they’re with me, but it’s not official. I got with Chris because I thought he’d change – that he’d understand – but he didn’t.

I want a guy who will be there for me and be okay with all of my flaws and my inability to be perfect no matter how hard I try to be perfect. I want a guy who will understand me – or at least try to – and have an open mind. I want a guy who can be my best friend before he becomes my boyfriend – because maybe then he’ll be able to understand me better.

I’ve learned where I went wrong in my past relationships when my last one ended almost three years ago. I need to learn how to say no and hope I guy will stay there and be my friend and whatnot instead of trying to rush through everything. I want a guy who will be okay with me loving cats and animals and such and wanting to [maybe] someday live on a farm again – and still be okay and happy and in love with me whether I am able to have kids biologically. I want a guy who won’t put me down/make me feel uncomfortable/etc.

A guy who will be patient and kind with me, a guy who will understand me/try to understand me, a guy who ignores my flaws and still thinks I’m beautiful, a guy who will allow me to be me – it’s not exactly “want”‘s, though; I need a guy like this. And not in the “I’m Liza, and I’m needy” kind of way. This is the type of guy that I need. These are the type of qualities I need to look for. But I’m done looking. I’d rather he just came to me. If a guy approaches me when I’m being myself and not what people say women need to be like/do/etc. to “get the guy”, then he deserves a chance.

I should be able to go without makeup (allergic or not) and have a bad hair day and be in my pajamas/clothes I want to be in and him still think I’m pretty.

And I really wish/hope this won’t make me look weak.

It’s just something that I want; it’s just something that I need. Why should I have to change my entire personality? What if something that may seem like a “test” happens when it’s merely coincidental? I have bad luck; it’s not my fault.

2018 edit: BTdubs, I’m a lesbian.

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Comments on this post

Elaine’s gravatar

I feel you on this Liza,

I know how it feels when you just couldn’t help but let him do whatever. Feels like you can’t really say no. And then the next thing you know he have taken advantage of you.

I also want that kind of guy who will tell me I look beautiful even I just woke up. Totally no make ups on my face, wearing over-sized shirt, and haven’t brushed my hair. It’s like he appreciate me even at my worst look.

and Believe me when I say, the right man will come. It’s just a matter of time.
I had failed relationships and the last with my son’s dad was the worst. I never thought I’d be this happy again when my Fiance came into my life 🙂 He proved me wrong and not all men are the same because all he did is to be faithful to me and love me and my son so much.

So just hang in there 🙂 I know the right man will come.

Colette’s gravatar

Hi, Liza!
I’m glad you found Jessica’s blog interesting. She is so unique and funny and always says things that are 99% of the time true. She is one of my most favorite bloggers out there. Hope you enjoyed (and maybe learned?) something from her posts.
As for the guy you are looking for…well stop! Like you said, you need to let him find you. Don’t play scenarios in your head or give yourself the mission to find the right guy, because you won’t. You will meet some guy, find him amazing and then after a few days or weeks of dating realize that you’ve rushed everything and that he is not that amazing after all. Be yourself, live your life for yourself first. He is out there somewhere and eventually your roads will cross. Don’t cry over the fact that you have been single for 3 years now. Don’t rush into a relationship for the sake of being in one. Be yourself and when the time comes and you do meet that guy (because he is there somewhere), you will be with him because he makes your already great life even better, because he sees the real you.
Hope you will have a great weekend!
xoxo

Mutay’s gravatar

And every girl wishes for the same thing.
Trust me, the right guy will come along and he will be everything that you wish for in a man. Obviously nobody is perfect so he will also have flaws but we can all compromise eh 😉

I’m not ready for any type of relationship now bar friendship. I don’t trust guys, and don’t think I will for a long time. My ex completely fucked me over and I don’t even see myself getting married. I don’t want to get hurt in that same away, it actually hurt me that much 🙁

Robin’s gravatar

“If a guy approaches me when I’m being myself and not what people say women need to be like/do/etc. to “get the guy”, then he deserves a chance.” – I agree completely! Some people think that “be yourself” is a cliche, but really…if everyone would stop doing things that they think men and women “need” to do, dating would be so much easier. Our society makes it way too complicated and daunting.
I tried several different pieces of advice from articles, friends, etc. and none of it worked. I just gave up and quit trying to portray a certain image. After I gave up like this, I met my husband.

Ashley’s gravatar

You sound very mature in how you want your relationships to go. I think it’s great that you know what you want and you aren’t going to settle for less than that. And you shouldn’t have too! You certainly deserve the best, and you shouldn’t be with a guy who isn’t willing to give you the best!

I have the type of relationship you want, and it makes me so grateful. I was with a guy for 3 years who treated me horribly. It started out good, as most relationships do and I was too naive to walk away when things got bad. I thought that’s how relationships were and I just had to learn how to deal with it. Now that I’m in a healthy loving relationship I see just how stupid I was back then. Don’t ever settle and always trust your gut. You’ll find someone, don’t rush it.

Liza’s gravatar

I’m not rushing it.
I’m not even looking. :p
I just blogged about it because I felt like it. ;]

Susi’s gravatar

I like this. I like how you have stopped looking, because in my opinion you will come across that guy only when you stop looking. And I really like how you stand up for yourself and require your future man to respect you and love you no matter what. So many girls just want whatever boyfriend just to have a boyfriend it seems, and I’m so glad you see that you need and deserve better than that.

Stephanie’s gravatar

What you wrote about isn’t a wish that you just have. Every relationship should be like that. If a relationship is to last, it needs to be like that. My relationship is like that, and if it were any other way, then it’s not a relationship.

I am lucky because my first boyfriend is awesome, and most people aren’t as lucky as I am. But what I do know, based on my story and my parents’ story, and many other stories is that the right guy comes a bit unexpectedly. Perhaps when you do want a relationship again, it’s better to not really look, but to just keep an eye out for good guys.

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