Too tired to scream and shout to let it all out
I’ve had a bad past couple of days. I can’t think clearly, I can’t get my brain to cooperate with my actions in the right way, and I’m tired. I’m so tired. For a while I was doing things okay, but now I don’t know what the hell I am doing or why all of a sudden things have changed and forced me to fall back down again. Metrocare Services is all the way in downtown Dallas, so I’m back to the search board for someone. I guess it’s fine, because they were rather quick and to the point and came off as rude anyway.
Tears have surfaced my cheeks more lately as well, and the lens on my glasses contain some water spots from where my tears have dried. I’ve noticed that when I finally start to feel as though I am doing a good job at at least one thing that I’m going to be knocked down harder and by two things instead. With the tax refund I should be getting soon, I plan to use it for a haircut and perhaps one online class from the local college. I don’t plan to get a degree. It’s not something that is stressed much on this side of the family, and I would rather take specific classes that can increase said skills I’d like to heighten than receive a degree for something I’m not too interested in pursuing. I want to go far with Abuse Aloud, and I feel as though I can. For the past decade, I have been trying to create some sort of awareness website for abuse. So many adults shut me down and told me that “Hear the Children” was a dumb idea. I think that AA is louder, and those that link to it and whatnot help me make it stronger. Thank you.
I do believe that AA can happen. I believe I can succeed in it. I don’t want to personally help victims; I just want to spread awareness. I actually don’t like people in general; it says so on my Twitter account.
I don’t make long-term goals anymore. I make short-term ones. For me, each morning I wake up is equivalent to an achieved goal, because surviving the previous day without letting depression win is a goal to me — it is something that takes a lot of hard work to do, and it exhausts me.
I don’t care what others want for me anymore; I want what I want for myself, and what I want is to not feel like an outcast/failure.
[spoiler]It’s not all just family that made me feel this way.[/spoiler]
P.S. I shared my chicken enchiladas recipe on Amanda’s site! I’ll link you guys to the .PDF later.