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I’d like to get married, but I don’t want a wedding. 👰👰

I never pretended my plastic dolls got married or made a mood board out of poster board for my dream wedding. I just wasn’t one of those girls everyone around me was or presumed me to be or insisted I was.

Weddings are also my least favorite topic, because my family likes to remind me of the importance of finding a man and tell me I’ll need a rich one to fulfill my wedding dreams.

My cousbro’s wedding made me realize this even more, so I thought I’d share why I don’t want a wedding — and why I don’t feel jealousy over younger relatives getting married before me (apparently it’s a thing).

1. I couldn’t care less. 😒

White represents purity, but it’s overrated AF because let’s face it: none of us are pure. I think there’s too high a price on virginity and using the dress to represent it.

I have seen many wedding dresses, or dresses that could be substituted for “official” wedding gowns, that aren’t white. I like them more.

I’m also lazy, and the idea of having to put on a show and be entertainment for everyone for an hour or two seems like too much effort and stress on me in the long run. I also don’t want to be responsible for people having a great time, because the so-called biggest day of my life is also the day I’ve to play hostess — and that’s even worse than a surprise party.

Maybe this one’s selfish, but I feel like it’s just overrated — everything about it.

2. I don’t have to. 🚫

What is the big deal with associating a wedding with marriage? Like, the two do not go hand in hand.

3. I don’t want the attention. ⚠

All eyes on me is not the least bit appealing.

PDA also does not appeal to me. I think romantic relationships are personal and should not be put on display if the couple is not comfortable doing so.

The last thing I want to ever do is stand in front of all my friends and family and let them watch me and my spouse kiss.

Like, no thanks?? 💁

Orange is the New Black makes for better entertainment.

4. It’s expensive. 💰

And I would rather spend money on myself or donate it or do LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE* than spend it on planning and hosting wedding.

*Except nothing which imposes upon human rights, women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and diversity.

5. No objections. 🔨

A. The only people who object at weddings are jerks.

I mean, I get it if you’re genuinely concerned, but this isn’t a trope-filled rom-com about a couple wherein one partner is secretly in love with someone else. I mean, I hope not!

B. I don’t want to give someone the opportunity to oppose my marriage. I don’t live for their approval. I won’t be spending my life with the people in the audience.

And, chances are, there would definitely be people who disapprove and attend the wedding regardless. 😒 ‘Cause, you know, image and what will people think?!

6. Weddings ≠ healthy marriage 💍

Big proposals seem to lead to breaking up before the wedding even begins, as if that big proposal was so over-the-top that it was out of character for them and you realize, finally, the reality of the relationship’s health. That giant, crowd’s heart-warming proposal was the highlight reel, but it had nothing on the fact that your partner doesn’t want kids (or whatever your issue).

Weddings are the same. They’re idealized as the magical fix to relationship problems, oftentimes the center of a female character’s worries: Hollywood and Southern Christianity tells women that they’re supposed to look forward to marriage most of all in a relationship, and that life begins when you get married — then you have kids, and life really begins.

7. I’d rather party hard. 👌

Or, like, read a book or binge Netflix or take a nap.

Literally anything other than send my anxiety into overdrive and put on a show.

I’d rather use the money for travel or spend it on myself, or go to a couple’s spa retreat or whatever.

8. I don’t need to be front-and-center to declare my marriage to friends and family.

I just don’t view it as something necessary, because while I do want to get married, same-sex marriage was only recently legalized across the US — not introduced. It’s been happening all this time, in the LGBTQ+ community’s own ways. Lesbians aren’t called U-Haul lesbians for nothing.

A contradiction within myself, I don’t view it as “just a sheet of paper”, but then I also do. For legal purposes, and public recognition, society expects you to have an actual piece of paper (and even a ring) that says you’re married. For personal purposes, like commitment, marriage isn’t the end-all, be-all to whatever troubles lie ahead.

I view commitment as proclaiming that I want to spend my life with my romantic partner, through thick and thin. I want to marry her someday, but I never thought it possible until recently. Same-gender couples created their own kind of marriage that doesn’t rely on a government that seeks to remove their autonomy; it’s not a heteronormative construct.

I want to get married for myself, and my future wife, so we will be wives and subtly fuck the patriarchy. I also want to marry her not because of societal expectations and heteronormative pressure.


How do you feel about marriage & weddings?

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