What’s in a mother? That which we call a rose; by any other name would smell as sweet.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Before responding to comments I figured I’d blog. However, I’ve grown so used to blogging posts of more than 500 words that anything below 300 seems a bit too unacceptable and pointless to me. Sure, starting out may be great but the middle and end doesn’t work out too well when I get to it, and only the first 197 words actually make sense. That’s quite ridiculous, don’t you think?

I mean, I seem to really only be good at writing about what ticks me the hell off, and that’s me putting it nicely. I came up with something to say about biological mothers on Twitter. It’s brutal, but unfortunately so true:

Birthing a child does not make you a mother. I’m sorry, but just because you’ve the ability to give birth and have children doesn’t mean you have the paternal abilities. A REAL mother would never do what she’s doing to me, seriously. My life would be so much easier if I didn’t love her.

Because people keep saying, “She’s your mother,” “No matter what, she will always be your mother,”, etc. The people who are saying this unfortunately don’t and can’t understand because they’re the people who haven’t experienced something that doesn’t allow them to understand why/how I could feel this way. Saying those things to me is pretty much like telling an adoptive parent, “That’s not your child because you didn’t birth him,” and, “No matter what, that will never be your child.” For an adoptive parent to hear that, I’m going to assume it hurts like hell and back and is the biggest insult. That’s how it feels to me. To me, a mother doesn’t depend on whether or not she can birth a child – it depends on what she does for said child, how she loves said child, and so on.

What makes a mother in your opinion?/How would/do you define a mother?

Sorry, but comments are closed on this post.

Comments on this post

Mallory’s gravatar

Very, very, VERY good point you’ve made here, I agree one hundred percent. It’s pathetic the way that people think if some chick pops a baby out her vagina, she suddenly becomes a mother. No, you just gave birth to the kid, anyone can do that. Doesn’t make you special, doesn’t make you important, doesn’t make you better than anyone else, it just makes you a mammal. Being a mother is so much more than just bumping uglies and then squeezing out the kid nine months later, but many people truly don’t seem to realise this.

This post of yours is gonna inspire a Tweet of my own about this very subject, I do believe!

Shanti’s gravatar

For me a mother is somebody who is always there for you. When you need her but also when you dont think you need her (and of course looking back on it you totally needed her), who is still there for you after you pick a fight with her about absolutly nothing. Somebody you can call day and night and somebody that will go through great lenghts to protect you. No matter what she is there for you.

Andy’s gravatar

Hello.
Visiting from Ropcorn’s Weekend Blog Hop.

To me, a mother is a caregiver, one who sacrifices for the benefit of her children and the ones she loves. She will put the happiness of others before her own. She is gentle, kind, open and loving. She is a shoulder to cry on when we are weak and the voice of wisdom when we are uncertain. A mother sets the foundation in life for us to build upon (grow). A mother is the most precious of all the humans on the earth, for without her, none of us would exist.
Wishing you well. Thanks for sharing.

Cat’s gravatar

I feel the same way. To me, a mother or parent is the one who was there for you growing up and loves and cares for you. I still see an adoptive mother as the mother to that child, even if they’re not blood related.

I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going well with your mom 🙁

Lym’s gravatar

I am not a mother so I cannot define what a mother is based on personal experience. I remember posting something about Mother’s Day. Lovers may leave but mothers don’t. If a mother leaves, that’s a different story. What kind of mother would leave her child anyway? True enough, “birthing a child doesn’t make you a mother” — especially in the case of those who had to give birth to a child that they did not wish to have. I know a few people, even teenagers who were like a mother to a little boy whose real mother left him because the mother could not take care of the little boy. For me, a mother is a constant lover — and should always be.

Kris’s gravatar

I don’t think posts under 300 are unacceptable as long as they’re meaningful.

I hate it when someone says “she’s your mother.” It’s like that makes it automatically okay for her to do whatever to you. My mom and I have a terrible relationship, but she’s not honestly horrible to me. But even so it’s annoying to hear that. I don’t know your relationship with your mother but I’m sure it’s not something shallow like mine. I’m sorry people keep saying stuff like that to you.

A mother is someone who takes care of and loves a child. It has nothing to do with who gives birth to who. An adoptive parent just wants to be there for a baby who needs a home and that is sweeter than anything.

Did you edit this theme? It looks like one of Georgie’s themes but I couldn’t find which one to match it to, haha. I think it’s very clean and pretty though! I actually still have my PHP themes but I thought they were bad, haha.

You were on my old list as 6birds but I thought you moved so I changed it to Seekliza! I guess I’ll leave you as blogger from Texas! That’s like the default if people can’t think of how to describe themselves.

Liza’s gravatar

@Kris,

Nope; I paid Georgina to make this theme! 😛 I guess that, in a way, I hired her? o.o

Haha, alright. Yep. I still have both, but 6birds is getting a makeover. 😛

Liza’s gravatar

@Kris, Oh, and as for the 300 words — I’d really, really like to do the NaNoWriMo event this year, so I’m trying to write more. P: I also need to be able to think clearly and get my words out… Something I’ve been struggling with a lot with my PTSD and depression.

Lisa’s gravatar

I agree with you: Giving birth does not consequently mean you have the abilities to parent.

However, a mother does set the foundation of life for a child, for better or worse. A person who, e.g. gives a child up for adoption, will always be a birth mother, but not necessarily a parent. A mother puts the child’s needs first, and has unconditional love (I seldom use this word, but I feel it’s essential when talking about mothers) for the child, which is not limited to blood relations.

There might be a difference between being a parent and a mother, but I find it at the moment hard to decide where this line goes. Maybe it overlaps.

I don’t know the circumstances, but I’m sorry to hear that you have to go through this with your mum. As an outsider (in lack of a better word), it can be hard to find the right words.

Stephanie’s gravatar

You know very well that I agree with you! I have been very fortunate to have a loving mother and a loving father. Some of my friends have adopted parents, and they were very terribly insulted whenever someone asked them “Have you ever met your real parents?” but weren’t insulted with the question “Have you ever met your birth parents?”

Your post reminded me of a story I once read on the Internet. A couple was married, and the wife was cheating on her husband. The wife gave birth to a daughter, and the couple remained married for a while. The wife’s husband became the official father, and he loved his daughter very much. However, he and his wife later divorced and she married the guy with whom she was cheating. The husband, who always doubted whether he was his daughter’s biological father got a DNA test and learned that he wasn’t the biological father; the girl was living with her current biological father. Frustrated, he tried to get out of paying child support, but the courts wouldn’t allow it, saying that he was the official father: he cared for her at birth and still loved her. Therefore, he was not allowed to stop paying child support.

Liv’s gravatar

You know, what really annoys me is when adopted children run off to find their birth mothers who probably abandoned them in the first place, and ignore the one who loved them for so many years. A mother is someone who is there for you no matter what. The blood relation is of course a bonus, but there’s no reason why you can’t love someone who you aren’t related to. People make a huge deal out of many things, but this is one of those that shouldn’t matter.

Kristi’s gravatar

My own mother has almost done more bad than good for me, in my life. I do love her, even though she’s caused some of the worst emotional pain I’ve ever experienced, and still suffer from to this day.

My grandmother has been like my mother my whole life. She has been there for me through everything, taught me life lessons, and been there when I needed help whether it was emotional or financial.

A mother is someone who.. mothers.. a child. Doesn’t have to give birth to her, think of all the adopted parents. A mother is there for you; helps you, teaches you. Sometimes mothers piss us off, but for the most part a mother is there to do good for you. A mother loves you unconditionally and will always be there to support you.

Elaine’s gravatar

I am a mother to a 2 year old boy and i’m really into this topic of yours right now. and yes, it’s right that not just because you gave birth that makes you a mother. it will all depends on how you raise a your child. How much you love them and what can you sacrifice for their own sake. I’ve been through a lot. Yes, I am a single mother and I never regret having a son. Because he is the only one that I have when his stupid dad cheated on me so many times. He is the only one whom I can tell everything that will still give me a smile after me ranting and how Ugly I was after crying. Having him in my life is the best blessing from God. 🙂 When my grandparents told me that my mom left me (for some reasons) i already told myself that I am gonna be the best mother my child is gonna have. And here I am, and doing and giving my best to raise him with the help of my fiance who accepted me for who I really am and what I have 🙂

cantaloupe’s gravatar

How topical since I’ve just gotten home for a vacation and have been feeling really guilty for not being overwhelmed with love for my mother. I do owe her a lot because she was a great mother in many regards. She ate the crap you’re supposed to eat during pregnancy to ensure I grew nicely, she birthed me, she fed me and clothed me for 18 years, she taught me right from wrong, and she even paid for my undergraduate degree. And to her, that is the extent of being a good mother and in those regards she excelled.

But I have been trained by media and privileged friends that a mother is also supposed to be my BFF. She’s supposed to listen to all of my problems and know all about my friends and talk to me every day…. but that is not the case. We’re just mother and daughter in biological and obligatory ways. The BFF way of mother daughter relationships is not something we’ll ever achieve.