In which I am speechless

Today I awoke wondering if it had rained last night or if it was going to rain today. At the moment, neither is a yes answer, and I still feel the same way: bland, blank, boring, eh, melancholy.

I’m not tired; I just feel rather gloomy. I suppose my blue theme doesn’t help matters, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change anything. I feel as though it should rain today — so I’ll have a reason to feel this way.

My cousin cannot lease my truck, so my dad will be buying it back from me. Kimily messaged me on Facebook with a link to Metrocare Services, a counseling place that can do all sorts of things that regular counselors cannot; they have doctors there and all. I’ll be calling soon. They apparently do a call-and-schedule-for-the-next-day thing, especially for adults with untreated mental illness. That’s me. No more waiting on the experienced counselor I found and really liked who won’t return my emails/calls. Perhaps now I’ll have someone who finds me less crazy — an offline person on my side who can help me more than just telling me to pray to God for my mental illnesses to be taken away.

Because I need offline support.

Lately I’ve been considering sharing my blog with some more family members offline, but then I’d feel as though I’d have to censor myself due to certain individuals who do not share my view on things whom I have not voiced my opinions to regarding said topics (i.e. gay marriage, etc.).

Actually, all of that ^ was posted yesterday.

I have literally no words for the recent events, or anything. First Boston, then the ricin letters, now West, Texas.

No words.

I stopped paying so much attention to the news as of last year, but this event just pulled me back into it. Events like this make news websites act as though they are leeches preying on me. I get sucked in, and I become this blank and dull person wondering, “Why? How?”

I befriend some bloggers on Facebook. If I decline your request, it’s nothing personal. Point is, you’ve probably seen this:

On social media, I’m seeing a lot of things angering me. This is simply my stance, two cents – whatever you wish to call it.

Society’s not getting eviler. Worse things are just happening. The world as a whole is rather disgusting and filled with so much hate, but so many people choose to believe it hasn’t always been this way. Maybe it hasn’t, but there’s always been war, there’s always been murder, we’ve always had this. And those asking where God is in this need to stop. He’s still here. He can’t stop evil. It’s not HIM doing this, that would be the devil. How can you ask where He is and then say you’re praying for the victims? It just doesn’t make any sense.

If you don’t believe in God, you’ve no right to blame Him. If you’re allowed to judge a book by its cover, then you need to rethink yourself.

Stop blaming various countries, groups, etc. when you’ve no clue as to who it could possibly be in particular. You’re just fighting with each other in the end. You’re fighting with your friends, family, etc. To assume every person in a country/religion supports what said country/religion does is EXACTLY like assuming every Christian supports what the Westboro Baptist Church does. Horrendously described analogy, but it’s very true.

Just stop with the hate. I’m SO sick of all of the hate. Always have been. I’m going to start deleting people.

I was pissed off at all of my friends on there picking fights with each other, especially those of the Muslim religion, be it with their friends or their family. Still, I think I made a great point, and I received three four1 likes if it means anything.

  1. Apparently my dad recently liked it as well.

Sorry, but comments are closed on this post.

Comments on this post

Sara’s gravatar

I’m glad you’re considering going to Metrocare Services. No one should see someone who thinks they’re crazy. Crazy is such a stupid word and it’s overused. Keep searching to find the right person to serve as a guide, not necessarily a doctor. Obviously, if you’re on medication, a doctor needs to oversee it, but in dealing with personal issues — past and present — the key is find the right guide. Someone who can hear you without judgement. These people do exist, but you may have to shop around to find them.

I don’t watch TV news and I monitor my on-line news, choosing what I want to read about. Some tell me I hiding my head in the sand, but it works for me. I’m a lot less uptight and tense than I used to be when I watched news 24/7. Each person has to find their own boundaries with new stories.

For the most part I’d liked what you said, but I disagree about so much evil in the world. There’s a great deal of love and kindness; it just doesn’t make good “headlines.” I once found a site called, “Happy News.” It talks about many of the same stories, but finds the other more positive take on the story. Check it out sometime,

Take it easy on yourself, okay. You’ve been hit with a lot of “manure” in the last year. She will have good days and bad days. Enjoy the good ones and know you’re strong enough to get through the “bad” ones:~)

Becca’s gravatar

There really are no words to convey the feelings and emotions after hearing of all the events that have happened. And even now, I see a breaking news report about a shooting at MIT in Boston… my heart just breaks. My prayers go to all of the victims and families and those affected.

If I were your friend on FB, I would’ve totally liked that post, and I agree with every word that you’ve written.

Kris’s gravatar

I hope the couseling place will help you, because mental illnesses are complicated. You really need it to be personal with whoever is helping you. I hope they will have someone for you. Hang in there!

I don’t share my blog with anyone offline, because I tend to get a lot more personal with opinions too.

I heard about the Boston incident. This is just too much! I don’t know why people fight. I feel like Muslims think we hate them or something. But I don’t? I don’t hate anyone because of what they were born as.


I feel like in marriage cultural differences are going to be hard to ignore, but we can definitely do so if my PARENTS (Korean, white-American) can.

Jessica’s gravatar

I agree with that statement 100%. All we do when we blame one group or religion or anything for something is to continue to spread hatred and discord. We need to concentrate on what makes us similar, on things that we can all agree on. 🙂

Stephanie’s gravatar

There is a saying that says “God helps those who help themselves”, and I hope that mental health center works for you! From your blog posts, you seem to be doing better, and seem to be doing more for yourself than several months ago. (Though I should probably mention that the man credited with that saying, Ben Franklin, was probably a closet atheist who would have faced persecution if he had admitted to being an atheist.)

I read a report not too long ago that overall, the world is less violent now than several decades earlier, despite the Boston bombings, Syria, and the drug cartel wars in Mexico. So despite these terrible events, I have hope for mankind. Fingers crossed that things continue that way.

April’s gravatar

No matter how much we don’t like it to happen, it’s gonna happen anyway. We live in a world with Sin, full of hate. But it doesn’t mean we have to stop doing good things. Hope should still be there.

Love the Blue theme, by the way. 🙂